Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Cocky Cockatoos Captured at Zoo for swearing at visitors

Cocky Cockatoos Captured at Zoo for swearing at visitors

A pair of cocky cockatoos were captured by Zoo management for swearing at visitors and then laughing with each other.

Don’t you just hate a cocky parrot? I know I do.

There’s nothing worse than having your long-planned family visit. to the wildlife park spoiled by a gobby psittacine taking the piss. That’s what happened at Africa Live Zoological Reserve last week,. when Brian Whitfield took his family to explore the wonders of a variety of African flower and fauna in Kessingham, Suffolk.

Brian (60), who knows almost nothing of zoology, had taken the day off from his work.as a hydraulic water pump engineer, to take his wife. Michelle (50, of no fixed address), and children, Brian Jnr (13), Brian Jnr Jnr (9),.and Ermintrude (3) to see their favourite captive wild animals roam around the scruffy and unconvincing Africa-themed park. “I loves… what are they called again? Erm… oh yeah, animals. I loves animals but I dunno much about ‘em or what they’re called or nuffin’, so I thought,.‘let’s go and see what this animal kingdom is all abart, then.’ So we did.” 

Did somebody say ‘just eat’?

After searching fruitlessly for a glimpse of an actual animal within the various enclosures,.and realizing that none of his family had the patience to actually read the information provided on the different species,.Brain decided it was time for lunch. After a short argument concerning where they should sit, the family settled down at a rickety bench positioned on a grassy incline near an overflowing litter bin and began to tuck into their Aldi meal deals.

Suddenly (for it was sudden), their delicious lunches were interrupted by the words “F*ck you,.and the mobility scooters you came in on!”, followed by some screeching laughter and the feverish squawking of what sounded to Brian like overstimulated parrots. “Yeah, go on… f*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off.” continued the unwelcome and intrusive interruption.

Elephant spotted at zoo

Turning around with her mouth still full of Wotsits, Michelle (who isn’t skinny) was flabbergasted to see two African grey parrots (according to the info plaque), perched on a tree branch, nodding at one another and gesturing towards her with their wings.

Before Michelle could fully masticate the cheese flavoured corn puffs she, up until that point, had been enjoying, the second of the birds came with “Wotsit look like? Wotsit look like?”, to which the first replied, “Nellie the elephant packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus!”, followed by both birds hopping up and down in amusement, squawking maniacally, and high-fiving one another with their articulate wings.

Cocky Cockatoos Captured

Brian Jnr Jnr, overwhelmed with the abuse his mummy was being subjected to, started to cry, while Ermintrude found the whole thing highly entertaining, clapping her hands and screaming “f*cking birds! F*cking birds!” at the top of her voice.

Before long, park staff had arrived with a large butterfly net and quickly went about capturing the pair of cocky cockatoos.

“What amazed me…” said Brian later, “…was that birds from Africa could speak English so well! Huh!”

NOTICE: No parrots were harmed during the writing of this story.

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