The Queen will welcome Donald Trump to Britain by sending Prince Philip to pick him up from the airport.
Mr Trump will make his first official state visit to the UK in June, staying with Her Majesty, having talks at Downing Street and taking part in D-Day commemorations (so long as it’s not raining).
It has been revealed that the Queen has a cunning plan to keep Mr Trump occupied – sending her husband out in his Range Rover to pick the President up from Stansted Airport.
Prince Philip Donald Trump
A Royal insider said: “Her Majesty was furious when Philip overturned his car near Sandringham after colliding with a common person in a Kia earlier this year.
“She ordered Philip, 96, to stay off the road, much to his disgust. But news that Mr Trump is arriving has given her a change of heart.
“Now she wants Philip to drive round and pick him up.
“She’s claiming this will make Mr Trump feel welcome, but the Royal household can’t help wondering that she has an ulterior motive.”
Royal watchers will be keen to see how Her Majesty and Mr Trump get along after some curious body language when he dropped by last summer on an official (but not a state) visit.
It emerged that when Prince Philip met the Trumps, he gaffed by saying welcome to Donald Trump and Stormy.
** Hat tip to Have I Got News For You Facebook page – turns out they made this gag earlier today!
After comedian Volodymyr Zelensky won the Ukraine Presidential election, Frankie Boyle is now expected to run for Prime Minister of Great Britain, it has emerged.
Mr Boyle, a 46-year-old Scottish man, is expected to win widespread support from an electorate used to voting comedians into Downing Street.
A friend of Mr Boyle said: “He is preparing his manifesto right now. It mainly involves calling English people posh c*nts and taking the p*ss out of everybody else.
“But after really quite laughable leadership from the present and previous Governments, all of whom have been taking the p*ss for years, Frankie will be welcomed by the nation with open arms.”
Frankie Boyle
It is thought that once Mr Boyle wins the election, he will insist on meeting the Queen in Scotland to officially form his Government, rather than at Buckingham Palace.
“Our election campaign slogan will be Frankie Goes to Holyrood,” the friend said.
Meanwhile, in the Ukraine, the world is hoping comedian Zelensky has a serious solution for dealing with important affairs of state, not least what to do with Russia.
Extinction Rebellion protesters called off their blockade of Heathrow Airport in case celebrity agitator Emma Thompson wanted to return to the US.
The actress was so concerned about the impact of flying on the climate that she flew 5,400 miles from Los Angeles just to make her point.
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Once she had got herself on the news, she was free to hop back on a huge aircraft to fly half-way around the world again, generating 1.67 tonnes of CO2 in the process.
It’s thought the protesters, who have brought central London to a standstill, decided against trying to ground aircraft from Heathrow when it emerged Thompson might want to take her umpteenth flight of the year.
Crusty-haired, middle-class, jobless climate change protester Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We are dead against people flying – it damages the environment and we are all going to die.
“It was lovely of Emma Thompson to fly in from LA to join us.”
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Meanwhile, police say they have nothing better to do rather than standing around watching people breaking the law and blocking bridges, Oxford Street and Parliament Square.
One officer insisted: “We have arrested around 400 of them, but the journeys in gas-guzzling police vans to and from the nick are probably defeating the object.”
Families are enjoying the gorgeous Bank Holiday weather by camping out on roads to the Suffolk coast for a second day, it has emerged.
All routes to popular spots are packed, allowing stressed parents and crying children the chance to sit back and enjoy the wonderful countryside views.
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Police confirmed the only people to make it to Aldeburgh and Southwold were London second-home owners who could afford to take the whole week off work and get there early.
Normal families were left to fight it out on the A12 and other routes to the seaside.
Mum Lorraine Fisher, 34, from East London, said: “I told my idiot of a husband to go the back way through Eyke and Snape but, oh no, he knew better and said the main road would be fine.
“Sure enough, we’ve been stuck here since 7pm last night and we haven’t talked since.”
Two well-known Russian fans of beautiful cathedrals have spoken of their sadness about the Notre-Dame blaze in Paris.
Ruslan Boshirov and Alexander Petrov said it was a great loss to cathedral lovers around the world, particularly the collapse of the big spire.
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The pair, who famously travelled all the way to England to visit Salisbury Cathedral before going straight back home, watched the unfolding disaster on Kremlin TV.
“Our friends have been suggesting for a long time that we visit this wonderful cathedral in Paris,” Petrov said, while Boshirov added that they specifically wanted to see the famous spire and clock.
Both men were such cathedral fans that they were able to recite the height of the spire, bell towers, and how many pieces of stone make up the 850-year-old building.
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Spokesperson for the Russian embassy in London, Lorraineski Fishov, 34, said: “Our people have a passion for cathedrals. These two gentlemen are well known for their love and deep knowledge of such things.
“They have taken the fire in Paris particularly badly.”
Borishov and Petrov were unavailable for comment, but were believed to be mining somewhere in Siberia.
If
you’re planning a trip to East Anglia, Suffolk should be the first place on
your list. Besides being greeted by a county with stunning natural beauty,
thought-provoking history and heaps of culture, you’ll also find plenty of
gambling hotspots in this idyllic part of the UK.
The gambling laws in the UK are some of the most relaxed in the world. Almost every form of gambling is legal, from gaming in land-based venues like casinos and betting shops to placing bets online.
These
laws will allow you to enjoy gambling on the county’s biggest draw – horse
racing – in the flesh or remotely. In order to gamble, players must be 18 and,
if visiting a land-based gambling establishment, must produce a valid form of
ID if requested to.
Almost
every form is covered, with casino games like poker and blackjack, to online
betting on horse racing and football, all available. Though it’s perhaps not
the first name that springs to mind when you think of gambling in the UK,
Suffolk boasts several opportunities for those visiting who fancy a flutter.
Here’s your unmissable guide to the best places to gamble during your stay in this beautiful part of the world.
Did
you know? The Nutshell
pub in Bury St Edmunds is officially the smallest
pub in the UK at just 15 foot by 7 foot.
Where
are the best casinos in Suffolk?
Suffolk doesn’t boast a land-based casino like other counties across the UK, but you’ll find a quality establishment just across the border where you can enjoy traditional casino games.
If you’re looking for the real excitement of a casino, you can’t go wrong at Grosvenor Casino Great Yarmouth – a modern chain with casino tables of all varieties, plus slot games. Established in 1970, Grosvenor has around 55 casinos in major cities across the UK. In Great Yarmouth, you’ll find roulette, blackjack and poker tables – plus around 200 slot machines where players can be immersed in the best new releases.
Located
on Marine Parade, in the elegant Shadingfield Lodge, the casino has a plush
interior to match its impressive surroundings. Having said that, the gaming
environment is relaxed indoors.
Before
trying your luck in the Grosvenor, it would be prudent to get to grips with the
various casino games online. You can practice your skills prior to visiting.
Today you’ll find a whole host of games are available to play over the web,
where you can join other gamblers in having a flutter in the online equivalents
of casino classics. With high-quality graphics, an authentic casino environment
is available at your fingertips when you play
online roulette at an
exceptional gambling operator. We definitely recommend you do this before
taking to the wheel at the Grosvenor – it could make all the difference to your
chances of success.
Did you know? Charles Dickens’ novel The Pickwick Papers was inspired by the author’s visits to Bury St Edmunds on holiday. Visitors can even sleep in the same room as Dickens once did at the Angel Hotel.
Where’s the best place to bet on horse racing in Suffolk?
The British monarchy has left an indelible mark on all aspects of British culture. Nowhere is this more evident than in Suffolk. Over 350 years ago, King Charles II travelled to a small town in Suffolk called Newmarket.
Once there, the King commanded that a horse racing course should be established there in his name. In 1666 the King’s three-mile, the six-furlong round course was first run.
As the first modern racecourse of its kind, it attracted interest locally and nationally. As a result, the reputation of the Newmarket racing course has grown considerably through the centuries.
After the success of the first meeting at Newmarket, King Charles II signed a decree commanding that the race be ran ‘forever’. Newmarket has thus far kept to this agreement, continuing to stage events, even through both World Wars.
Newmarket is home of the Guineas & July festival. For anyone with even a slight interest in horse racing, this world-famous sporting venue is a must-visit when visiting Suffolk. Aside from the main events, there are regular meets held at Newmarket.
Did you know? Suffolk isn’t just home to one of the most famous horse racing venues in the world. It is also home to JK Rowling’s literary wizard Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived was born in Godric’s Hollow, inspired by the village of Lavenham.
Where’s the best place for poker in Suffolk?
In-keeping
with Suffolk’s middle England vibe, the poker scene in the county has a
distinctly ‘small-time’ feel to it. While there are casinos that offer various
poker nights and tournaments, the best card games can be found in cosy,
traditional pubs.
The
Ipswich Pub Poker League has been operating for several years and attracts plenty
of skilled players throughout the year. Prize money has been known to rise as
high as £10,000. If you were expecting low stakes, you’d be wrong, there’s
plenty of chances to scoop the pot.
If
the Ipswich Poker League isn’t your cup of tea, then you can try out the Nuts Poker
League, which has a similar business model. This tournament does tend to
attract a higher level of player. If you’re a poker novice this may not be the
best place to start out. However, if you’re a seasoned player, looking for some
competition, check it out.
Did you know? Eric Arthur Blair, also known as George Orwell took his literary surname from the River Orwell in Suffolk.
Where
can I bet on sports in Suffolk?
Just
like the rest of the UK, the streets of Suffolk’s towns have plenty of sports
betting shops. In most of these venues you can bet on horse racing, football,
rugby and several other sports.
If you’re looking to combine sports betting with live action, head to Portman Road to cheer on Ipswich Town FC. You can enjoy betting in-stadium while cheering on the Tractor Boys as they do battle on the field. Kiosks are located before you enter the seating areas of the stadium and offer betting on the game and several other fixtures played that day.
Did
you know? Ness Point in Lowestoft is the farthest
East you can go in the UK and boasts stunning sunset views.
Summary
Suffolk is an enchanting county that is waiting to be discovered by gambling enthusiasts both domestic and internationally. There are is plenty to do in Suffolk – that’s what makes it a county that caters for those of all tastes and interests, including gambling.
East Anglia tourist official Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It’s better to be safe than to be sorry. If you thought Great Yarmouth was bad, you won’t believe what it’s like on National Siblings Day.”
Downham Market vicar The Rev Evan Elpuss has put up a notice saying people from outside the county were welcome to take refuge in his church.
The first man to use his finger to write ‘CLEAN ME’ on the back of a dirty van has died, aged 86.
Herbert Morris, from Sudbury in Suffolk, became famous when he carried out his hilarious joke in 1953, appearing on radio talk shows and in newspapers of the day.
But while it was funny the first time, nobody laughed ever again, and certainly no-one has found it remotely amusing for at least 60 years.
Quite why people still daub vans with ‘CLEAN ME’ or more recent variations such as ‘I WISH MY WIFE WAS THIS DIRTY’ or ‘ALSO AVAILABLE IN WHITE’, remains a mystery.
In an interview with this newspaper in 2008, Mr Morris, who leaves a wife, Maureen and two children, said: “I knew it was funny when I did it the first time to a white Austin A40 Devon van, parked up outside the butchers in North Street. I remember it was November 1953.
“Everyone thought it was very amusing at the time, and I was invited on to popular radio shows and featured in many national newspapers, including The Times – and even the original print version of your Suffolk Gazette.
“But then everyone started copying it and it was not funny anymore. It’s like telling the same joke over and over again and expecting people to laugh.”
Mr Morris died peacefully at his home, surrounded by his family, on Sunday.
In his will, he specified that the hearse taking his coffin to the funeral should be filthy, with ‘CLEAN ME’ scrawled in large letters across the back.
His wife, Maureen, was too upset to talk to the Suffolk Gazette today, but neighbour Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “He was a lovely man, who was always washing his car.
