Sorry to report that my hamster has died tragically.
He fell asleep at the wheel.
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My mate’s wife left him last week, she only went out to get some milk.
I asked how he was coping, he said he’s using the powered stuff.
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“I didn’t see you on camouflage parade this morning, corporal!”
“Thank you, sir!”
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As the door opened today, I was stark naked in front of the postman.
I don’t know if he was more surprised at me being naked, or the fact that I knew where he lived.
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I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
She went from Barking to Tooting in 40 minutes.
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A man walked into the accident and emergency department with a steering wheel down the front of his trousers.
“Can you help me, please, doctor. This is driving me nuts.”
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My wife asked me to stop singing I’m a Believer by The Monkees because she found it annoying.
At first, I thought she was kidding. But then I saw her face…
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In these times of social-distancing, I’ve taken over the attic to grow my new boat-building business.
Sails are going through the roof.
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