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Ipswich to spend £70 grand to clean street gum stains

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Ipswich to spend £70 grand to clean street gum stains
gum stains – Ipswich

Ipswich will be granted up to £70,000 to clean all the gum stains from streets. But after thorough investigation and planning, it is estimated that cost could reach up-to 3 trillion to remove all the gum stains from the streets of Ipswich.

We can either fix the homeless problem or remove all the gum. Either way Ipswich will “clean up” the streets. How did all the gum stains end up on the streets to the point where it is a really big concern?

Throw Back

When Alfred Hitchcock was filming the movie The Birds, he gave all 120,000 birds gum in order to spit at the main characters. Unfortunately, the scene never made it in the final cut because they discovered that gum is highly addicting to birds the same way heroin is addicting to humans.

When filming was over, all the birds had to check into rehab because they couldn’t quite kick the habit. This is how all those gum stains ended up in the town of Ipswich. They were spitting it on the ground after they were done chewing it.

The great war over gum stains:

There was a war on gum because all the birds in the UK were going through 100 packs per hour. This issue effectively disrupted the supply chain. It was known as “The Great Gum Prohibition of Britain.”

Lorraine Fisher, 34, an Ornithologist stated:
“You can burn up to 12 calories an hour when chewing gum. This is one reason why birds like gum so much.

They want to stay thin so they don’t feel too heavy when flying at high altitudes.”

Due to the shortage of gum, citizens of the UK turned to chewing tobacco. Throat cancer spiked due to this issue.

The city will receive funding for the next 5 years.

So after this implementation, will it be illegal to spit your gum on the ground? What new laws will be implemented by the city?

The British Film Institute announced that they will be shooting a sequel to “The Birds” in Ipswich.

Let’s just make sure to prohibit the use of gum on set.

Not only poker: 5 gambling games that conquered the film world

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gambling games

Gambling films are immediately associated with poker. And while it is indeed a very popular pastime, both globally and in Hollywood films, there are quite a few other varieties of gambling that can be seen on the big screens.

We’re sure you’ve seen iconic scenes of the main characters playing a game of bridge, blackjack or trying their luck at roulette. But if you don’t recall these episodes, this is a great opportunity to watch films that have already conquered the world.

BestAuCasinosOnline has selected films where the gambling scenes are particularly captivating. So sit back and have a real movie night!

Roulette

One of the gambling games and an important attribute of casinos. Interestingly, roulette is called the “Ferris wheel” due to the fact that the sum of all the numbers on the roulette wheel is 666. According to the rules of the game, all participants make their own bets on the playing field using chips.

Winning Streak, 2012

This is an interesting story about a group of young people who are given a unique opportunity — to make a journey and change their luck. Thanks to roulette, their lives are about to get better.

Ocean’s Thirteen, 2007

The film follows the cynical and ruthless Willa Bank and his brainchild, Casino Bank. $500 million is the minimum program for the evening. It’s ambitious and risky, but all you have to do is win it. Tricks with the cards, swapping roulette balls, manipulating slot machines, in which the venerable hustlers are best understood, will not help in the execution of the schemes. Unexpectedly an old enemy of Willie’s, Mr Benedict, a notorious gambling man, joins the team.

Can’t wait to play roulette? Then don’t waste your time: at real money casinos you can enjoy this game to the full. In addition, a wide range of games is available for registered users, which will conquer the atmosphere and excitement of betting.

Blackjack

gambling games

It is one of the most popular card games of chance. The outcome of a game of blackjack depends not only on luck, but also on the players’ actual skills and abilities. Interestingly, everyone plays one-on-one with the croupier, no matter how many partners are at the table. The aim of blackjack is to score more points than the dealer; the maximum number is 21.

Blackjack has featured in famous films over the years. The top two include the iconic films Casino and 21.

Casino, 1995

Martin Scorsese’s dramatic thriller follows the lives of Las Vegas’ first bookie Frank Rosenthal and Chicago mobster Anthony Spilotro.

21, 2008

The film is based on Ben Mezrich’s popular science book, Casino Strike: The Real Story of Six MIT Students Who Won Millions of Dollars in Las Vegas. The story revolves around a group of students who frequent casinos and display remarkable mathematical ability using blackjack card-counting techniques.

Bridge

It is an intellectual and the only game that is an Olympic sport. Bridge has passed its peak of popularity, but is still considered one of the most popular card games for four. Want to learn the rules of this fascinating game? Just watch these films.

Bridge Wives, 1932

An American short film comedy directed and written by Roscoe Arbuckle. In Wives Playing Bridge, you can see Mrs. Smith taking part in the game and Mr. Smith worrying about what the result will be.

The secret life of Walter Mitty, 1947

In New York, the bumbling Walter Mitty works at Pierce Publishing, owned by Bruce Pierce. He lives with his mother and fiancée Gertrude Griswold. Neither his mother nor his best friend Tabby Wadsworth has much respect for the protagonist.

Walter is an escapist, and many times during the day dreams of escaping into a fantasy world. When he’s on his way to work, he meets stranger Rosalind van Horn on the train. The hottie uses Walter to escape her pursuer, and the man inadvertently falls in with a dangerous group of spies.

Bingo

This is a game in which numbers are chosen at random and players have to fill in the corresponding numbers on their cards. The first player to fill in a card according to the rules wins. To indicate his win, they usually exclaim “Bingo!”

Bad Grandpa 2013

An 86-year-old jolly grandfather named Zisman travels around the world. This time he goes to America with 8-year-old Billy, who is old enough to be his grandchild. There are interesting places and people on the way, as well as a visit to a bingo club where Grandpa is impatient to try his hand at the game.

Mahjong

gambling games

Mahjong is a type of board game of chance played by four players. Although mahjong originated in China, variations can be seen in Korea and Japan.

Not only luck is important in this game, but also observation, memory, strategy and calculation. According to the rules, players use dice “tiles”, resembling dominoes. They have to be placed in certain combinations, very similar to a game of poker.

Crazy Rich Asians, 2018

This romantic comedy takes viewers to Singapore. Rich man Nick arrives in the country with his girlfriend Rachel. He introduces his beloved to his entire family, unaware that his mother will not be thrilled with her son’s chosen one. Rachel tries with all her might to impress the unyielding Eleanor and decides to play mahjong with her. It is the game that forces the woman to change her mind.

In the Mood for Love, 2000

The events of the cult film are set in 1962 in Hong Kong. Journalist Chow Mo Wan and Soo Li Zhen are roommates who are bored at home. Their other halves are often delayed at work, so the newfound friends have suspicions that they are being betrayed. To relax and spend their time talking, Chow Mo Wan and Su Lien liked to play mahjong. It was the gambling game that added to the special atmosphere of Love Mood.

F1 comes to Norfolk, locals loving Sports Tractors

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Sports Tractors

History will be made in Norfolk as the city gets ready to host their first ever Formula 1 speed racing competition with Sports Tractors

The drivers will be using Sports Tractors and will not be humans but monkeys, sloths, and gorillas.

The heavy weight will be the gorillas. The light weight will be the monkeys. The feather weight will be the sloths

Here is the best part, the animals will have to snort 3 lines of cocaine before getting behind the wheel. And every 5 minutes thereafter during every pit stop, they have to snort 1 line until the race is over.

Norfolk F1 ticket price breakdown:

General admission tickets will be £50. Front row seats and the more exclusive seats will start at £150.

VIP will be £1,000. Part of the VIP package includes free round trip to the event, free bottle service, great seats on the balcony, free strippers, and betting privileges.

If any of the drivers pee their suits during the race, they are disqualified.

There are rumours that the cast of Fast and Furious will make an appearance. As well as the creators of Mario Kart, Twisted Metal, and Transformers.

Rewards:

First place will get a sports tractor vehicle manufactured by Bugatti.

Second place will get a sports tractor vehicle manufactured by Ferrari or Lamborghini.

Third place will get a girly girl barbie themed regular bicycle.

All first, second, and third place will get a lifetime supply of bananas and free maintenance on their vehicles.

Expert’s opinion on Sports Tractors racing:

Lorraine Fisher, 34, feels confident that her gorilla Henry will win. She said, “Henry has been doing 1000 pull ups, 800 sit ups, racing with his eyes closed every single day for the last 6 years. He is going to win by a landslide.”

Mr. Walsh who is racing his monkey said, “My monkey Jimmy has been fighting a different UFC fighter everyday. He also drinks gasoline for breakfast and diesel for dinner. Nobody will beat Jimmy. Let’s get it!”

Peter Grimes who is racing Troubadour the Sloth said this, “My troubadour has been marinating in cocaine for the past 5 years. He has been eating, sleeping and talking F1 since he was 3 days old. Feel sorry for the little girls that will be racing against us”

The BBC will stream the event on December 39th 2022.

Before You Go Gambling: How To Find The Best Online Casino

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Best Online Casino

If you want to earn some extra cash through online gambling, choosing the best online casino is critical. We can’t emphasize enough the importance of a reputable casino since the repercussions of gambling through a sketchy website can be truly horrifying. So, how do you go about finding the best online gambling platform? Choosing a casino based on the quality of its games, substantial bonuses, rapid payouts, and all the other features that make a casino excellent might be overwhelming at first, but luckily we’re here to help you make an informed decision.

Get to know the law

Gambling is a very thrilling hobby, but this doesn’t mean that it’s risk free. Before you start gambling online, you need to do some research. Once when all of the gambling was handled in person, it was easy to just walk into an establishment, wager some money and take home your winnings. You didn’t have to think about the legal side of this business. However, since the popularity of the Internet has risen, online casinos were born. Some governments are still a bit wary about online betting which is why you need to check whether it’s even legal to wager money online in your country. Once you’ve brushed up on your legislative knowledge and you’re certain it’s legal to play, you can start looking up the best online betting platforms.

Think about your preferences

When choosing the right online casino for you, you have to think about what you want your gaming experience to be like. Are you into slots, or do you like card games like Poker the most? Would you like to play against live dealers or are you content with playing against the computer? These are all the questions you need to have a definitive answer to before you pick a perfect gaming website. By knowing your preferences you’ll know what to look for in an online casino.

Do a bit of research

Once you know where your preferences lay, you’ve already done half the job. The next step is to do some research and to figure out which casinos are available online in your area. Thankfully, there’s so much information about online casinos on the web. You may go through many local websites which review online casinos such as the Livecasinoreports.com USA. There you will find comprehensive lists of online betting platforms which are available to Canadian players and choose the one which suits your needs. What is great is that many of these websites are well-organized so you may search by category. For example, you may look up the best places for playing slots or for whatever other game is your favorite.

Consider the payment options

Before you officially sign up for an online casino, you should look into the payment options they offer. Nowadays, many online casinos operate only on crypto currency. If you’re someone who is still a bit skeptical about this kind of payment you may want to skip on those. Nonetheless, most online casinos accept regular credit cards and online wallets such as Apple Pay. For ultimate security, we recommend you open a separate account you’ll use only for gaming purposes. This way your personal credit card information will stay safe, plus you will have a much clearer overview on how much money you’re investing into your gambling habit.

Make use of free play

So, you’ve opened up an account and now what? Don’t start wagering your money from the get go! Get a bit acquainted with the website by clicking around and seeing what it has to offer first hand. When you find a game which interests you, try it out by using up your no-deposit bonus. Most online casinos give the newcomers with some kind of welcoming bonus which can be very useful to see whether you actually enjoy the variety of games they offer. This is an excellent way to practice your gaming skills too!

How Online Casinos Keep Growing

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How Online Casinos Keep Growing

Since the introduction of online casinos around the turn of the century, these virtual gambling venues have evolved immensely. Due to the convenience offered by these sites, online casinos are steadily outdoing traditional land-based casinos.

Several factors have contributed to the growth of online casinos over the past two decades. However, technology has played a pivotal role in the digital migration of casinos.

Healthy competition has also helped fuel innovation. It ensures that even casinos not on GamStop provide the same level of quality services GamStop casinos offer.

This article will discuss how online casinos have changed over the years and some of the factors that have influenced such changes.

Better Bonus Offers

Everyone loves freebies, especially in the online casino gaming space. Over the years, operators have mastered the art of luring players with exciting bonuses and promos. The casino’s intention is to attract new players and retain the existing customer base.

Bonuses and promotions have become a critical part of any casino’s marketing strategy due to high market competition. Every legitimate online casino site offers different kinds of bonuses to new players and regulars alike.

As competition stiffens, the bonuses and their terms and conditions keep getting better. Bonuses allow players a chance to explore the casino’s offerings without staking their money.

Huge and Diversified Game Libraries

The best casinos offer a wide variety of games to keep their players immersed and entertained. Operators work in tandem with popular software developers like Playtech, Microgaming, Scientific Games, and International Game Technology to offer diversified game collections.

New online casino game titles get released every day, offering players more options and experiences. Unlike land-based casinos which can only offer a limited number of games, online casinos can offer an infinite number of titles.

The Appeal of Mobile Gaming

Advances in mobile technology have also helped with boosting the growth of online casinos. With the modern-day smartphone, you can access virtually any online casino site and enjoy a great variety of games.

Operators and game developers have embraced mobile technology by offering mobile-compatible products. From websites to apps and games, everything seems to work perfectly on smartphones.

Mobile gaming offers a great deal of convenience because smartphones are portable. That means you can game on the go – at any time, and from anywhere.

Increased Payment Options

During the early days of online casinos, players only had a few payment options. Over the past decade, we have seen an explosion of online payment options. Today, players are free to transact with online casinos using their preferred payment methods.

From credit cards to e-wallets and even cryptocurrencies, you can never run out of options.  E-wallets and cryptos have made online casino transactions easier, faster, safer, and more cost-effective.

There are plenty of payment service providers under each of the payment methods discussed. However, different online casinos support different service providers.

Live Dealer Games

Players still love the brick-and-mortar casino experience. After coming to this realization, operators and software developers began working on technologies aimed at replicating the land-based casino experience in online casinos.

This explains the growing popularity of live dealer games. A live dealer game is essentially a game offered by a human dealer from a live casino studio. Players get a chance to interact with the dealer and other players during live dealer game sessions.

Live dealer games come with impeccable designs, animations, visuals, and audio. Most also offer jackpot payouts and numerous winning possibilities. What’s more, they allow you to use different strategies to win.

Every online casino operator is in the race to offer live games. Top casino software providers like Evolution gaming have multiple live studios.

Product Innovation

The need to develop new titles and betting options has also driven tremendous growth in the online casino industry. A few years ago, online casinos featured only 2-D slots. However, most sites offer immersive 3-D slots that leave players with a video gaming-like experience.

Today, video slots come in a vast range of configurations. Online slot machines are also getting more sophisticated by the day. Developers are working around the clock to offer more slot themes.

AR and VR Technologies

Virtual reality and augmented reality technologies are also changing how we consume online casino gaming content. On the one hand, AR superimposes computer-generated images, sounds, and other simulations over the player’s view of the real world.

On the other hand, VR offers an artificial environment that players can explore and interact with. Online casinos employ both AR and VR to enhance the player’s overall gaming experience. The two technologies tend to make the experience more immersive and thrilling.

Cryptocurrencies and Blockchain

The advent and adoption of blockchain technology and cryptocurrencies have positively impacted the online casino world. The two technologies are the new buzzwords within the iGaming community.

The innovations make it possible for players to enjoy a seamless and safe gaming experience. In addition, players enjoy great privacy protection since it’s now possible to make casino deposits and withdrawals without giving up one’s personal information.

Cryptocurrencies have greatly lowered transaction costs, making online gaming more cost-effective. 

Security and Legality

These are vital aspects when it comes to online casinos. Since players often disclose their personal information when signing up with these sites, they want to be certain that this information is well protected.

Trust is also key in the player-operator relationship. Online casinos are taking the initiative to display proof of legality. Operators acquire licenses from reputable gaming commissions that ensure the casinos are operated legally and in compliance with the laws of the industry.

Legitimate casino sites are transparent regarding their licensing compliance. You can easily find this information on the homepage of every reputable online casino website.

On security, trustworthy operators opt for the latest cybersecurity protocols and technologies such as SSL encryption and cutting-edge firewalls. The goal is to ensure that transactions and players’ data are secured at all times.

Conclusion

From the discussion, it is evident that online casinos have evolved a great deal. Operators are doing everything they can to remain relevant and competitive in the fast-changing online casino industry.

We are seeing operators embracing transparency and fair business practices. Today, players do not have to worry much about their safety and security when using a reputable casino site. Technology has also made the overall online gaming experience seamless and more exciting.

Cineworld bankruptcy attracts Suffolk billionaire

Cineworld bankruptcy
Cineworld bankruptcy

Suffolk billionaire is waiting for Cineworld bankruptcy. With £5 billion in debt, Suffolk business man offers £750 million to buy Cineworld as the company gets ready to declare for bankruptcy.

Cineworld was founded in the United Kingdom in 1995 by Steven Wiener. Cineworld is the second world’s largest cinema chain which is struggling with 5 billion in debt.

Behind Cineworld bankruptcy:

Cineworld was hit hard by the pandemic. Post pandemic, the cinema chain hoped that movie goers would come back with huge film releases such as Top Gun: Maverick and Thor: Love And Thunder but unfortunately, admission still remained at an all time low.

Despite Cineworld having about 9,189 screens across more than 750 sites in many countries, it seems like movie goers feel safe watching their favourite movies at home on streaming sites such as Netflix, HBO MAX, and Hulu.

Suffolk Billionaire Hugh Dennett offers to buy Cineworld after shares plummet on their way to bankruptcy. Denett made his wealth as a filmmaker. He loves films. Some of the films he worked on which were a massive hit in the box office were 007, Shaun of The Dead, and 28 Days Later among others.

The modernisation:

Dennett wants to implement a very progressive and optimistic system for his new Cineworld. He wants to implement NFT’s where if you own a certain NFT, you get a discount off your tickets. The discount also depends on the rarity of the NFT. He hasn’t spoken too much on this aspect but it will be a feature for the movie goers.

He also wants to partner up with NVIDIA and integrate Cineworld with augmented reality and AI.

Essentially, holograms of famous actors and actresses will be walking around and interacting with movie goers. Of course they are not real, but merely a projection of them. The holograms will be integrated with sophisticated AI in which you can talk and interact with them, and they will respond the same way they would as if they were actually there in front of you.

Last but not least:

Imagine having a drink with Tom Holland and Andrew Garfield, and your bartender is Christopher Nolan. And your doorman is Ian McKellen. How crazy would that be?

It would be pretty awesome to see Cineworld founder Steve Wiener walking around and greeting everyone as well. He might not want to actually walk around in person, in the flesh due to the bankruptcy.

Hugh Dennet will make this a reality by 2028.

President of United Nations sending speedos and bikinis back

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President of United Nations sending speedos and bikinis back

President of United Nations sending back speedos and bikinis due to them covering too much skin

Shipments of 400,000 pairs of speedos and 500,000 bikinis, as well as cornettos, suncream, umbrellas, and sunglasses have been sent back and quarantined, and Boris did nothing about it.

Boris Johnson stated, “Literally one step away from speedos and bikinis is whatever Adam and Eve were wearing. A step after that, we might as well all be naked. This is not a good example for the kids.”

The locals are gathered on Downing Street dressed in nothing but trash bags protesting, holding up signs saying, “No More Heat Waves”, “Cold Lives Matter”, “We Want Our Speedos and Heroes Back.”

The locals are furious because they knew the government could have done a lot more to avoid this situation. The government was clearly aware of the upcoming heat waves and still quarantined shipments of speedos and bikinis overseas. Boris knew all of this as well and did nothing for the citizens.

Reason behind President of United Nations decision:

What could account for the bikinis and speedos being unsafe for the people?
Was there a malfunction in the factories or general supply chain issues?
Politics??
Conspiracy theorists are publishing articles in order to answer these daunting questions.

There have been photos of Boris modeling all the speedos and bikinis in a runway show. But the weird thing is that the audience were only dogs. He was putting on a show for a bunch of Doberman dogs feeding them cornettos off of his body..

Mr. Walsh, a journalist, snuck into the event and documented the whole thing. He sent the footage to the BBC in which it was televised on all platforms.

Lorraine Fisher – 34, a well respected conspiracy theorist believes that Elon Musk is behind all of this. He wants all the premium quality speedos and bikinis on the next mars fleet. They need to go into the mars atmosphere in a fashionable manner.

But wait, there’s more!

They are using speedos and bikinis for the aliens in mars. They are hosting their very first annual runway model awards for the martians. Jeff Bezos Frontier and Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic are all competing. That is why there was a call back on all the bikinis and speedos.

There is concrete proof of this:

Fisher later stated, “Why does every speedo and bikini have a mars logo and written on them, 1s Annual Marian Bikini Contest? They are clearly hosting this event and nobody is asking questions.”

Hugh Dennett, a film critic stated “They are also getting ready to film the third installment of the 300 Spartans franchise. The extras need the speedos and the bikini garments. They will also film the next Baywatch in the UK so they need all the speedos and bikinis they can get. That is why there is a shortage.”

One local said, “I just want to feel sexy in my bikini again. I hate wearing trash bags as a bikini. I feel like trash.”

Shape of a UFO & ED Sheeran’s helipad revealed

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Shape of a UFO & ED Sheeran's helipad revealed
UFO launchpad

By UFO correspondent, Lorraine Fisher – 34 in Framlingham, Suffolk.

As reported previously in the Gazette, a cadre of evil Framlinghamites who laughably consider themselves to be ‘neighbours’ of popular (outside the local area) immigrant folk singer, Ed Sheeran has been caught spying on the ‘prop idol’ in a bid to have the planning permission for his private helipad revoked.

The ridiculously extravagant, and unnecessary helicopter pad, which is located in an extremely private area of Framlingham i.e. Ed’s back garden, may only be used by the wannabe pilot 28 times a year – that’s less than once a day.

Now, it is reported, strange, extra-terrestrial goings on in the skies above the warring village may have scuppered Sheeran’s detractors from ending his ambition of dominating the skies above Framlingham.

Quickie with a mate:

This reporter caught up with one of the anti-Sheeran plotters and asked about recent events…“Well, we’d been putting up with the usual bloody racket coming from Pippin Manor at all hours of the day and night, the studio, the chopper, etc, and we were still rotating counting duty.

I think we got up to 27 or 28 flights. We’d actually had a drink at the Castle a few days before to celebrate nearly reaching the magic 29 and would you believe it, by chance Ed popped in for a quickie with his mate, Gary Numan. Of course, as soon as he saw us he just turned right back around and they left. He’s got his own pub back at the manor anyhow.

It was the Thursday night, about 2.30 a.m. when it happened. There began this strange, high-pitched tone, eerie and pulsating, coming from outside, and a bright – very bright – orangey light beaming through the windows into the house.

It was very other-worldly, like something out of E.T.. Of course, the whole house was woken up, in fact, the whole village woke as we all came outside to see what on earth was going on.”

UFO (Unidentified Flying Orange):

“As we gazed up, partially covering our eyes from the brightness, none of us could believe what we saw. There was an enormous flying saucer hovering directly above the manor. It was mind-blowing.

There was the incredibly bright light which seemed to have a dazzling orange centre, illuminating the billowing mist all around. It was an awesome sight. For a moment, I thought that the orange centre looked like a being, like a person or alien even, but definitely shorter than a human, maybe with orangey hair?

I think this being was the pilot. Anyway, everyone was terrified. The pulsating noise was getting louder and more intense until suddenly, it reached a pitch where we all seemed to freeze. The noise and lights were so overwhelming that it felt like your head was going to explode.

Then, I felt myself lift up off of the ground. I was just hanging there, in suspended animation for what seemed like an age, and then… nothing. That was it, it was all over.

We all woke up the next morning, at dawn, lying on the ground, in the grass or mud or whathaveyou, just right where we had been the night before. The UFO was gone. We didn’t say a word to each other. We all just shook our heads and went home.”

What happened next?

“Well, you can imagine. The talk in the village next day was of nothing else. Rumours were flying all over the place. One of the weirdest was something to do with Sheeran being given flying lessons by some celebrity pilot mates of his.

We all saw him with Numan who’s been flying for years but others say he was recently seen at a cash machine talking to Noel Edmonds! And one bloke who I’ve known for years told me that his sister served the drummer from Blur at the B.P. and he asked for directions to the manor. Co-incidence? Numan – Edmonds – Drummer from Blur? Thas a rum owd dew!”

Get to the point

“So anyway, to get to the point, some of us put two and two together and we decided to go up to the manor and y’know, look over the fence, to see what we could find out. It was Tony who spotted it first. Cood a hell!

A great big bleedin’ UFO sittin’ right there in the middle of the manor. Bold as brass, on its own private launchpad. It was only old Sheeran’s wasn’t it! I was wondering, straight away… has he got planning permission for that?”

Memory erased

“Well, there was uproar. We marched back to the pub to tell everyone what we’d discovered. We went in shouting ‘Listen! Listen! Listen!’ and we sat down in front of the open fire and we had everyone’s attention. And then the weirdest thing of all happened.

We tried to start telling the story, Me, Tony, Brian and Jeremy …y’know, Jeremy Paxman off the telly, but none of us could remember what had happened! We just couldn’t explain what we were trying to say. It was like our memories had been erased.

We just sat there scratching our heads and wondering what on earth had happened and why we were there. Well, since then, a few little things have started to come back, but I still don’t know what it all means.

Latest helipad flight count

When asked, the local group battling against Sheeran’s relentless ‘copter flights said that inexplicably and rather embarrassingly, no-one in the group could remember the tally of flights made to date, and reluctantly they were going to have to start counting again from one.

Ed Sheeran was not available for comment.