Could a giant duck really be living in Abberton Reservoir, Ipswich? You bet Jurassican!
This week, wild-swimmer and duck enthusiast, Lorraine Fisher, 34, found evidence that the popular wetland site was home to a giant feathery friend.
Abberton Reservoir is the fourth largest reservoir in England with an area of 1,200 acres – plenty of space for a weighty waterfowl to wander.
It is a popular place for walkers but due to the recent drought, the waterline has receded, leaving these clear prints on display.
“I love ducks! Always have been. Abberton Reservoir is home to around 40,000 ducks, so I am a frequent visitor. I have been looking for the Giant Duck since I was a little girl – there were rumours of its existence but no-one had ever found proof. While I was walking along the water’s edge, as I always do, taking photographs of the mallards and hens when suddenly I caught my foot in these prints! What luck!”
Abberton reservoir investigation:
Mr Al E. Gator, 64, palaeontologist, has disputed Lorraine Fisher’s claims and had noted that these in fact seem to be 113 million-year-old tracks fossilised into the riverbed, left by a dinosaur known as an acrocanthosaurs.
The university professor noted that these dinosaurs were known as therapods, a “typical three-toed dinosaur which stood 15ft tall and weighed around seven tonnes!”
Despite his enthusiastic claims, Mr Al E. Gator has been criticised for his lack of insight. Some of the great minds of our time, such as avid Facebook user Phill Lashio, 25, recognised that “…the world is only 6000 years old!
Million years old history:
Even if it was millions of years old, as Mr Gator states, how does he explain these prints lasting so long? He expects us to believe that the prints would not be simply washed away by rain? This theory is not supported by the laws of erosion!”
Specialists have begun using the prints to track the Giganus (latin for Giant Duck) and while nothing has shown up yet, our researchers have been told that it is only a matter of time.
Some have theorised that the Giant Duck is in fact the reason that the area hosts such large numbers of birds and that it may draw them as bees to their Queen.
Since Miss Fisher’s discovery, waterfowl fanatics have gone quackers, battling to the site to see the prints for themselves.
Lorraine stated, “I am so happy that people are as excited as I am and I can’t wait to lay my eyes on this magnificent beast!”
Like most people, you probably rely on your car to get you from point A to point B. But what happens when your car breaks down and you can’t afford the repairs? Investing in anextended car warranty may help you manage significant and unexpected repair costs.
An extended car warranty is a service contract that helps cover the cost of repairs for your vehicle. These contracts are typically offered by the manufacturer or dealerat the time of purchase but can also be purchased after the fact.
Extended car warranties vary, but most will cover significant mechanical components like the engine, transmission, and drivetrain. Some extended car warranties will also cover towing and rental car reimbursement. A few things they don’t cover are glass breaks, flat tires, or excessive wear and tear.
How to Reduce Costs of Car Repairs
Aside from purchasing a layer of protection against significant malfunctions, your best friend in keeping your car affordable is to be kind to your vehicle.
Routine Maintenance
The golden rule of car care is to maintain your vehicle before anything breaks. This simple adage can save you a lot of money and headache in the long run. You can do this by regularly checking your car’s fluids, getting necessary tune-ups, and rotating your tires. These small tasks will keep more significant problems at bay and help your car run more efficiently.
Washing and Cleaning
It may not seem like it, but keeping your car clean both inside and out can save you money. A clean car is a happy car, and a happy car is less likely to have problems. Cleaning the exterior of your car helps prevent rust and corrosion, which can lead to expensive repairs down the line.
And keeping the interior clean helps you avoid replacing things like upholstery or carpets that help you spot potential issues early on, like rust or dents. Keeping the interior clean does the same for your car’s electronics.
Driving Safely
This one should be a no-brainer, but driving safely can help avoid costly accidents.
Drive the speed limit, use your blinkers, don’t tailgate, and always buckle up. These simple things can help you stay safe on the road and avoid fender benders or worse. If you do get into an accident, always call your extended car warranty provider to see if the damage is covered.
Shop Around for Parts and Labor
Get estimates from multiple shops before settling on one when you need repairs. Many shops will offer coupons or discounts if you mention that you’re considering another business.
You should also comparison shop for parts. New parts from the dealership can be expensive, but you can often find the exact parts for less from an independent shop or online. Do your research and ensure the part is compatible with your car.
DIY Repairs (When You Can)
Whenever possible, try to do your repairs. Many simple repairs can be done at home with little more than a few tools and patience. If you’re unsure about a repair, plenty of online resources and videos can talk you through the process step-by-step.
Of course, some repairs are best left to the professionals. But if you’re mechanically inclined, doing your repairs on your own can save you a lot of money.
Using High-Quality Parts and Fluids
When it’s time to work on your car, make sure you use high-quality parts and fluids. This may cost a little bit more upfront, but it will save you money by preventing premature wear and tear in the long run. Extended car warranties often require using OEM (original equipment manufacturer) parts to be valid, so this is something to keep in mind when making repairs.
There are a few things to keep in mind when it comes to extended car warranties. Make sure you understand the terms and conditions of your contract and what is and is not covered. Also, remember that extended car warranties typically have a deductible that you will be responsible for paying.
Don’t Run it Dry
Keep adequate fluids in your car’s systems; repair it as quickly as possible if you notice a leak. When the liquids in the car run dry, they can cause massive and expensive damage to your car’s engine, sometimes costing more to repair the broken part than to replace the car. Keep a close eye on these fluids between tune-ups. Always check them before a big trip or after a long period of being parked:
Engine Oil
Brake Fluid
Transmission Fluid
Coolant
Wiper Fluid
Blinker Fluid (Just kidding)
How to Void Your Warranty
Your car’s extended warranty can be easily voided by using sub-par parts, hiring less than reputable mechanics, or damaging parts due to gross negligence. It’s essential to take care of your method of transport if you want it to continue providing reliable service.
Learn More
Considering all of the information about warranties, insurance options, and other repair options, the choices can be overwhelming. Read reviews, ask questions, and gather all the information before choosing the best course of action for your needs.
Rumble strips to be added to clouds after Norfolk International Airline pilot fell asleep missing their landing spot.
Luckily nobody was hurt because the plane was on autopilot. Eventually they circled back and landed safely.
Due to this very dangerous scenario, Norfolk airlines will be more strict with their hiring policies, training, and “Air/Road Signs”.
Solution suggested after pilot fell asleep:
Airlines will add speed bumps and rumble stripes to the clouds, bigger brighter green, yellow and red lights so the pilots can see more clearly. They will even add more stop signs and yield signs to maintain the safety of the aircraft.
Peter Grimes, the CEO of Norfolk International Airlines stated,
“We will implement a new system to keep our beloved pilots from falling asleep on the wheel. We will have a dedicated team at the receiving station monitoring the pilots physiological and psychological states. If blood pressure, heart rate, and respiratory rates fall below resting rates, we will administer a shock to the pilots shock collar. If that doesn’t work, then we will have the co pilot spray hot sauce in his eyes. The co-pilot will take over momentarily until the pilot regains his vision.”
Grimes later stated:
“All pilots will go through the same exercises that the actors went to prepare for the movie 300. If a pilot does not have a perfect physique and great vital signs, he will not be allowed to fly. We are responsible for flying thousands and thousands of people per week. It is too much of a liability to hire just anyone.”
Norfolk airlines is also implementing a new training strategy where a pilot has to fly in a fighter jet to the moon and back in less than 5 hours. He has to go to the moon, take a big dump on the moon, take a picture of it and return to earth. This is the final stage of Norfolk pilots training to avoid any pilot fell asleep again.
It is a very intense training regiment. Last year, out of 30 pilots that went through the training, only 1 pilot passed. That pilot was Chuck Norris’ twin. Only one flight a day was able to leave Norfolk.
Can you imagine a plane approaching Norfolk, expected to land but is still at 37,000 feet? Peter Grimes said, “This will be the first and last time this will happen. I can guarantee it.”
Suffolk resident and film fanatic loses her mortgage payment on an online roulette game
Lorraine Fisher – 34, from Lowestoft, is a notorious gambler and film fanatic. She is banned from almost every casino in the UK after she lost her mortgage payment on roulette
Most online gambling platforms have put her on the blacklist from playing blackjack. She has lost approximately 8 million of other people’s money since 1992.
Just before she lost mortgage payment:
Fisher used to be a film critic writing for famous publications such as “Writer, Pants on Fire” and “BBC (Buttery Cookies & Cream)”. She developed a gambling and alcohol addiction which led her to be easily inspired by her favourite films and ended at losing her mortgage payment.
Fisher tried to get 100 radioactive spiders to bite her hoping she would turn into the first ever “Spiderwoman”. The incident led to a coma which she recovered from a year after.
Fisher also tried to fly off a building using a broom stick because she claimed that if a bunch of school kids can fly, I can fly.
Miss Fisher decided to start her very own fight club. She went on social media and on the BBC news inviting everyone to her fight club. The police department showed up to her house an hour later because it is illegal to have people fight each other for money.
Criminal background:
She was arrested and let go a week later. Lorraine Fisher was once again overly inspired by her favourite movies.
She was watching Passenger 57 the other day and was inspired by the lead actor’s comment to the bad guy.
Good guy, “Have you ever played roulette?”
Bad guy, “On occasion.”
Good guy, “Let me give you some advice, always bet on black”.
Fisher’s first thought to this was, “I…don’t…see…in…colour”. But then she thought about how she can win big money.
She said, “It inspired me to take a punt and put this month’s mortgage payment of £10 on black. I mean it’s a 50/50 shot, right! What is the worst thing that can happen? It is like flipping a coin.”
What they don’t tell you is you walk away with nothing if you lose. What sort of odds are those?
How clever Lorraine is?
Later that night after inevitably losing she stated, “I better find a clever way to tell the husband we can’t afford to eat tonight. Wish me luck!”
She came up with a brillant excuse.
She told her husband, “Hubby, you see what had happened is I put money on black playing roulette, it landed on black and I would have won but the power went out. There was an outage because everyone was trying to text their hubby that they won. Nobody won and that’s what happen”
Her husband forgave her and now they are both living in motels, gambling online trying to recuperate that money back.
Love is blind and if it is dumb too, you will be broke in love.
Travel chaos for Suffolk holiday makers as railway station master, 93 dies and leaves barriers down. Holiday makers are panicking because they are not allowed to travel anywhere by train at the moment.
Unless there is a railway station master working, the trains cannot function normally. This tragedy shows just how important a station master is.
The role of a railway station master:
The Station Master’s daily duties are and are not limited to daily inspection of the station, level crossing gates, lamps, cabins, and goods among other tasks.
This is like not having the police department because essentially everyone can do whatever they want.
Next to his body, detectives found a pound of marijuana, Scotch, and magic mushrooms.
Case investigations:
The detectives made a statement saying, “This wasn’t particularly a suicide, but by the looks of it, historically, if a railway station station master is this old and has been doing his job for this long, he gets to a point where he doesn’t care what happens.”
They checked the cameras on the train and saw Mr. Walsh smoking and drinking on the job doing Tai Chi.
Tai Chi is a Chinese martial art practised usually by the elderly for health benefits, and meditation.
Mr. Walsh was the Railway Station Master on the Hogwarts Express.
When he died, many wizards emerged in and out of hogwarts. Since Mr.Walsh was not there to act as gatekeeper, all the magic potions, wands, brooms and quidditch trophies have been stolen.
The chaos:
Citizens all over the UK are using magic for looting and robbing. Peter Grimes is the chief of police. This is what he had to say,
“How can the police department maintain law and order when the criminals are using magic. Literally magic. They are using the invisibility cloak to sneak into the banks to steal millions.”
The citizens are blaming Mr. Walsh for this chaos and anarchy.
Hogwartz will be closed for the foreseeable future. Maybe this is the end of Hogwarts.
For those seeking employment as a railway station master, citizens are encouraged to submit their resumes on the Railway Station website.
Insultive tradition stopping tourists to visit Norfolk
International tourists have made bold claims saying that an insultive tradition of “2 fingers of scotch” from Norfolk makes them smaller.
This is the reason why nobody wants to go to Norfolk right now. It’s a crisis more urgent than the pandemic.
Lord of Norfolk on Insultive tradition:
Emperor of Norfolk, Peter Grimes (he is just the mayor but calls himself the Emperor) has made an official statement regarding this claim.
He said, “It is perfectly okay to drink scotch but just make sure not to be around pretty women because they will make fun of you.”
“It is now illegal to drink scotch in a pool especially if it is cold.”
“And lastly, if you end up drinking scotch, just take double the amount of Viagra. Maybe some exercises down there to make the muscles grow”.
Authorities ruled
According to the WHO and the United Nations of Britain, “Dogs are allowed to drink the scotch because it doesn’t affect them.”
The WHO stated “Scotch and viagra sales have skyrocketed because if you drink scotch, you must balance it out with viagra. There is no other way or you will die.”
They recommend that you don’t drink scotch if you are still going through puberty.
If you get the death penalty by the electic chair, they will pour scotch on your head instead of water.
Rappers are throwing their rivals in pools full of scotch because it’s emasculating.
After being thrown in a pool full of scotch it begs the question, “What if you offer a drink, specifically scotch to a woman, what does that say about you? What kind of man are you?”
Here comes the main stream media:
There is a game show on the BBC, hosted by Lorraine Fisher, 34, in which they play a game to see who can drink the most scotch and viagra without passing out. The winner gets a lifetime supply of scotch and viagra.
The show is called “DRINK… THAT… SCOTCH… MATE”
Tourists are afraid of even going near Norfolk not just because of Insultive tradition but they believe that all the liquid and food are contaminated with scotch which will inevitably cause birth defects, sterilisation, and impotence.
This phenomenon is not going to stop people from drinking.
Basically, if you continue to drink a “finger of whiskey”, your wife will want you to only use your fingers.
According to the Scotch Whisky Association, in Galeic, the word “whisky” means “water of life”. It truly is the water of life for Scotland as they produce the best alcohol which is bringing it the cash flow.
It must come from Scotland. So does that mean every male from Scotland is at a disadvantage?
According to the FDA, this is very much not true. The men from Scotland have invented a proprietary pill in which they are immune from skringae.
They are not giving the secret out as it will disrupt the sales of their whiskey. People love whiskey and will continue to drink it. The best viagra also comes from Scotland so the more scotch they buy, the more viagra they will inevitably buy.
The poorest person in Scotland still earns an annual salary of £233,000 just because they don’t have any Insultive tradition.
Other countries are declaring war on Scotland demanding they release the antidote to the shrinkage. They are expecting an invasion but Scotland is not scared.
Scotland officials said, “It’s going to be a little whittle army; we are not scared of an army of shrunken little boys.”
Buying and selling currencies has never been easier, as you can create an account on a reputable online platform within minutes.
All you must do is add money to your account, learn about how the platform works, and you can begin to Trade forex to your heart’s content. Most places where you can buy and sell on the forex market allow you to use margin, which is extremely helpful in making big trades.
Before you go all out with your forex trading, you should think about what strategies you will employ. Having a solid understanding of the market, along with the world’s economic situation, is helpful. Even with knowledge, you need a plan to achieve your desired outcome.
Below are the five best forex trading strategies that you should consider using in 2022.
1. Scalping
If you are interested in using a short-term strategy to make some money on the forex market, then you may want to learn more about scalping. The concept behind this strategy is to use your reaction time to enter and exit trades within a few minutes.
The idea is to monitor price charts to see if there are any patterns emerging. For instance, you may notice the USD/EUR pair is going up by a specific amount every few hours or coming down in price at a precise moment during each day.
A good aspect of scalping is that you do not have to put in significant trades in terms of value, but you can still make a decent profit.
2. Day Trading
Another short-term strategy that beginners find appealing is day trading. With such a strategy, you enter and exit a trade within the same day. You do not want your positions to remain open beyond the close of trading.
Day traders use technical analysis that helps them understand any short-term patterns that may be emerging within specific currency pairs. Knowing about the economic situation in specific countries is also helpful for day trading, as breaking news on the economic or political side may result in predictable shifts in currency pair values. One of the best ways to compare prices of currency pairs is to look for patterns using candlestick charts. These charts are extremely helpful in allowing you to understand price fluctuations over a given hour or day.
3. News Trading
We already spoke about keeping an eye out for economic and political events with respect to day trading. There is also the option, however, of basing your entire forex strategy solely on news stories.
If you are someone who enjoys keeping up with breaking news on television or using social media, you may want to add forex trading into the mix. Each time there is a story about a country’s economy, you can predict how the price of their currency may fluctuate in the coming hours.
Many major events, especially on the economic side, happen on specific days. For instance, the United States government will announce several days in advance that a jobs report is coming out on a given Friday.
4. Trend Trading
A very popular strategy for trading forex in the medium term is trend trading. Even if you are not too familiar with political or economic stories from around the world, you can use charts to understand specific trends that emerge each year involving currency pairs.
There is a historical analysis of nearly every major currency pair available online. You can use these databases to assess how one currency performs against another at a given time of the year. For instance, does the US Dollar always lose some value to the Euro in August or September?
When you find out more information about such trends, you are in a position to enter and exit trades at the ideal moment. The only issue with using the trend trading strategy is that no trend is absolute, which means you will not always make a profit on your trades.
5. Momentum Trading
Another medium-term strategy that you may find appealing is to engage in momentum trading. The idea is to see how a currency pair is being analyzed by various momentum indicators and then buying or selling accordingly.
Popular indicators to use are the Moving Average Convergence Divergence, or MACD, and the Relative Strength Index, or RSI. You can assess daily candlestick charts that include these indicators, allowing you to assess the momentum direction of a particular currency pair.
Online bingo is one of the most popular types of online gambling entertainment. Millions of players participate from all over the world because the game is fun, easy to play, and readily available through a large variety of smartphone apps and online websites, including costabingo.com.
The online version of bingo is very similar to the bingo hall variety, except there’s no need for the caller or a handful of dabbers. Everything is done electronically, and you don’t have to worry about missing any of the numbers because your digital card will be automatically stamped if it has the corresponding number. All you need to do is watch and keep your fingers crossed that you hit that magical line!
The Appeal of Online Bingo:
There are many enticing factors of online bingo.
New players are drawn to the world of online bingo because it’s a fun game to play and the rules are very simple to learn. Although there are different varieties of bingo with different sizes of card and number of balls, the basic gameplay remains the same: match the numbers on your card to those drawn by the bingo machine and you win if you complete the designated pattern. For some games this is a row or column, for others it could be a cross, all the inside squares, or an entirely random pattern.
Each bingo game only lasts for a few minutes, perfect for people with a short attention span or who are looking for amusements to fill a coffee break, commute to work, or time in a waiting room. This also means that new games are always starting, so you don’t have to wait long if you miss one. And with bingo games starting at just a few pence per card, they’re not going to break the bank either.
Bingo Strategies to Maximise Your Chances:
But one of the biggest draws for new players is that online bingo is a game based on luck, meaning that absolutely anyone is in with a chance of walking away with the top prize, not just those who have spent hours studying and perfecting their strategies. However, there are a couple of things you can do to improve your odds of winning the big jackpots.
Play Multiple Cards: Most online bingo sites and smartphone apps will let you purchase more than one card for each bingo game and will have several different rooms operating at the same time. Because everything is automated, including the numbers getting crossed off your bingo card, you don’t need to be watching each card so playing several games at once is a piece of cake – unlike real bingo where you would need to be an octopus! Obviously, the more cards you play, the more chances you have of winning.
Fewer Opponents – Pick bingo rooms which have lower numbers of people because you’re more likely to win if you’re one of 1000 than if you’re one of 5000. This can be difficult to do because online bingo is so popular, but by playing outside of the peak hours – for example, early in the morning or in the middle of the afternoon – means you’re going to come across fewer other players.
Check the Jackpot – Online bingo games operate in different rooms, with each bingo room offering different jackpot conditions and different prize sizes. If one room is offering £100 prize for a 5p card and another is offering £5 for the same entry fee, you should go for the highest prize. Your odds of winning each will be roughly the same but winning the higher prize will be more exciting and more money!
Manage your Budget – bingo cards might start from only a few pence each, but if you’re playing four at a time for an hour a day, that’s quickly going to add up. If you want to get the most fun from your bingo games you need to set yourself a strict budget and make sure you stick to it, otherwise you might find yourself unable to afford any games for a while. Only play the games you can afford, even though the £1 play jackpot games sound really appealing, the reality is you’re paying more per card and will be against more opponents, making your chances of winning much smaller.
It depends on what you are expecting to get out of them. They won’t guarantee you a win, and unlike strategies for games like poker, they also won’t guarantee that your chances of winning will keep improving. This is because bingo will always be a game of luck, and you can’t get better at games of chance. These strategies are designed to help you find the best games to play and the best times to play them, because fewer opponents and more active cards will increase your chances for that particular game.
Conclusion:
Bingo is always going to be a game of luck, and that’s what draws many players to it. You’re as likely to win on your first game as you are on your 100th, and that’s why people keep coming back for more.
