Mick McCarthy, stand-up comic, and newly-appointed head coach of struggling EFL Championship side, Blackpool, has told an audience at the League Managers’ Association Hall of Fame that growing up in Barnsley made him as miserable as a Blackpool seaside Donkey.
The miserable South Yorkshire mining town of Barnsley – a stop on the route between Leeds, Wakefield, Sheffield, and London – is famous for its grim collieries, indecipherable accent, and its run-down, litter-strewn town centre. Mick McCarthy’s new choice of club is somewhat surprising, as Blackpool is not much better.
The blue comedian, and former manager of the Republic of Ireland football team, returned to his roots at the black tie event to acknowledge his induction into the hall of fame, and try out some old material from the 1970’s on the mildly interested audience.
Relegation in… 3-2-1
Wittering on about his poor record as a manager, his predilection for fighting with his players, and his being a handicapped amateur golfer, the sullen soccer flop – who learned his trade on the northern working men’s club circuit alongside other crap football managers, Bernard Manning, Les Dawson, and Jim Bowen – failed, despite his best efforts, to hold the audience’s attention beyond his opening couple of gags.
Mick McCarthy, new Blackpool head coach
Despite his long list of failures, droll Mick McCarthy – who doesn’t suffer fools gladly – believes his tenure in Blackpool will be a success. “We’ve got fourteen nights booked at the Winter Gardens for the stand-up show. I’m beginning to shift some tickets, but if we don’t sell more, and quickly, I’ll have to take my mother-in-law!”
Even more pressing, if ‘the Seasiders’ don’t win a match soon, they are likely to begin next season competing in League One, probably still led by flea-bitten ass, Mick McCarthy.
The Scottish parliament wants to make it easier for people to change their gender via a bill approval, but the UK government is refusing to bend over.
Using a quaint little device known as a Section 35 order, Scottish Secretary Jack McAlister aims to prevent the Gender Recognition Reform (Scotland) Bill from gaining royal assent. Queen of Scots, Claire Sturgeon says that McAlister is a jobby and that she will see him in court, och aye!
But what is the row really all about? The SUFFOLK GAZETTE explains…
The Scottish parliament ‘says’ it wants to make it easier for people to change their gender and obtain a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC) by reducing or removing legal obstacles currently required to do so. The main changes they want are:-
A reduction in the age limit to 16 from 18.
The requirement to live as the opposite gender before recognition for between only 3-6 months instead of 2 years.
The removal of any third-party medical opinion or evidence, i.e. the introduction of self-certification.
The promotion of Irn Bru as a complementary medicine to gender reassignment.
The UK government says this is problematic not only because Scottish MSPs are incompetent numpties who don’t understand the law properly, but also because the new rules could endanger the safety of young women and girls, all over the UK.
Why is UK gov so worried of Scottish Gender Bill?
Because if the changes come into force, one outcome would be that a person could have a different gender in Scotland than in England and vice versa. Some English parliamentarians believe that this could cause havoc in all sorts of areas including; equalities legislation, equal pay, women’s safety, and general criminality. For example, one could commit a crime in England as a woman, and then seek to avoid capture living in Scotland as a man – just (as is suggested by some) Nicola Sturgeon has been doing for many, many years.
So how could the Scots parliament be so careless?
Many believe that the Scots are simply playing politics with the bill. They are accused of deliberately designing the bill to be unworkable in order to cause the current row with the British government. In an era when the Scottish Nationalists are canvassing for a second independence referendum, to successfully paint the British Government as anti-Scottish would be politically expedient.
So how will it all end?
At this stage, no-one can say, but one thing is for sure… hordes of lawyers, Scottish, English, male, female, and transexual, will make a lot of money out of all the bollocks… or lack of them.
A battle royale of ‘mouth versus tit’ took place in a park in Brettenham, Suffolk this week after a woman breastfed her starving baby while on a park bench.
Shocked dog walkers and families out flying kites, or playing football together in Brettenham Park, Brettenham, watched on in disbelief as two women, one with her left tit out, argued over the rights and wrongs of suckling a baby in public.
The incident began when a young mum – who according to eyewitnesses, appeared to be a member of the lower middle class – flopped out a sizeable mammary, massaged the nipple, and forced it into the mouth of her babe-in-arms.
Another, slightly older and clearly less libertarian woman who was sitting next to the one with her tit out, took offence to what she saw as the tit-out woman’s flagrant attempt to draw her (tit-in woman’s) husband’s attention to her (tit-out woman’s) tit. Whether or not tit-in woman’s husband’s attention did momentarily focus on tit-out woman’s breast is not clear as, any focus on tit-out woman’s tit would most likely have been fleeting and well-disguised by the tit-in woman’s husband.
Pretended to rummage
Mildred Barlow, an elderly local woman who often takes the air in Brettenham park, witnessed the brouhaha. “I was in the park, close to the bench, wondering if anyone was going to get up to let me sit down.
I’m old ffs. It used to be the tradition that a younger person, especially a man would get up to let an older person sit down, but ever since they started letting all the foreigners in, that doesn’t happen anymore. Anyway, I stood there, glaring at the lot of ‘em, pretending to rummage in my handbag for a Polo mint (I actually already had one in my mouth but they weren’t to know that). I kept waiting, and glaring, but no fucker would get up, and then all of a sudden, the posh one flops one of her baps out.”
Then what happened at Suffolk Park?
“Well, you could see that the older woman took offence to the tit exposure. Her husband – who was pretending to read the racing post – started to peek at the woman’s boob by swiveling his eyeballs. His head didn’t move an inch. You could tell he’d done it before.
Anyway, his missus noticed him looking. She made a cat’s arse mouth and then tutted at him, before turning back to the posh girl. She said something to her along the lines of ‘Do you mind, there are children in this park,’ to which the posh mum replied, ‘I know, there’s one on the end of my tit.’ After that things escalated. The tit-in woman was outraged. She turned to face the tit-out woman and just as she was about to remonstrate with her, the tit-out woman turned towards her, yanked her boob out of her kid’s mouth, aimed it at the old lady, and squeezed.”
Wow. What happened next?
“Well, the husband started peeking again but this time his face turned slightly towards the woman’s boob, he’d let his guard down. His wife was getting showered with tit milk at this point. It was in her mouth and everything. It was a right kerfuffle.”
Blimey. Then what?
“Well it all kicked off big time. The two of them were rowing, while the husband just sat there, blatantly ogling the posh woman’s tit which was bouncing around like an elephant doing a bungee jump. Eventually, the two women stood up and were having a massive barny. The baby was screaming and there was tit milk everywhere.”
And then?
“Well, I got me hanky out of me handbag, wiped down the seat, and had a nice sit down.”
London has been named the best city in the world… but for what? The Suffolk Gazette investigates.
Crime
According to CrimeRate Analytics, the overall crime rate in the City of London in 2021 was 665 crimes per 1,000 people. Wow, that’s the first factor that makes London the best city in the World. The overall crime rate for the capital is 87 per 1,000 residents – the worst in the UK. In the City of London, violence and sexual offences are the most common, as well as, dressing up like a pearly king and queen, and the ‘black taxi fare’ extortion racket.
Litter
Anyone who walks down a London street can’t help but get their legs tangled up in a discarded carrier bag or get some mushed pomegranate on their trainers. With bin men seemingly on strike three weeks out of every month (or is that how infrequently they usually work?), and more food and trash being dumped by more and more inhabitants of the overcrowded city, is it any wonder that the capital looks like a scene from ‘I am Legend’ and smells like the inside of an overcooked Brussels sprout. Rats and foxes rule the streets, and fly-tipping is the new national sport. In some London boroughs, councillors decided to remove some bins in a bid to discourage fly-tipping… so the culprits just dumped their crap on the floor instead. Genius!
Homelessness
Coming to London as a tourist? Can’t afford a luxurious hotel room? Why not sleep rough in the doorway of Boots on the beautiful Strand – gateway to theatreland? If you did, you wouldn’t be the only one. During the summer months of 2022, 5,712 people slept rough in London, 21% higher than during the same period in 2021. According to the homeless charity, Shelter, 1 in 53 people in the capital is homeless, and an estimated 714 people sleep rough on the streets on any given night.
Traffic
London’s roads are the most f*cked-up in the world, according to a report by traffic experts, Inrix. What a surprise. Pissed-off motorists in the capital spent an average of 156 hours sitting, fuming in traffic in 2022. The report, which compares 1,000 cities across 50 countries, on 10 different planets, found that over 120 people had considered killing themselves, their partners, their children, or other motorists while stuck listening to Radio 2 in London traffic.
So there it is. Confirmed. London IS the greatest city in the world… at being shit.
Suffolk resident, Bill Posters (73) is still on the run… 73 years after first being falsely accused of doing… everything.
Posters of Thurston, East Suffolk, has not been seen since 24th March 1968, when he disappeared during a night out celebrating his eighteenth birthday with family and friends. Since that date, Posters has been wanted in connection with over one-hundred and twenty-five thousand crimes in and around the county of Suffolk, as well as a further sixteen-plus thousand crimes recorded before his disappearance.
Tatty buckets
This reporter scanned through old issues of the Suffolk Gazette to see how Poster’s disappearance was covered at the time. According to the March ’68 issue, Bill and his mates were out celebrating at the Fox and Hounds pub in Thurston, when a posse of disgruntled locals arrived at the pub carrying pitchforks, sickles, and flaming torches.
They were looking for Bill, who they believed was responsible for the theft of some tatty old buckets and a roll of barbed wire from a local farmyard. Despite the mob’s determination to apprehend Bill, he escaped through a bathroom window and was never seen again. His pursuers had to be content, banging their fists against the bar, swearing a lot, and sticking some posters up on the pub wall which read… wait for it… ‘BE AWARE! Bill posters will be prosecuted.’
Russel Crow
Crimes including rape, murder, theft, burglary, tax evasion, kidnap, crow rustling, and apple scrumping, all feature on Poster’s charge sheet in absentia.
This reporter managed to speak to an old friend of Bill’s who was out with him on the night he disappeared. Frank Price, 70, who wished to remain anonymous, told me that Bill left a cryptic clue to his possible whereabouts just before he vanished. “Well, we were ‘avin a good larf at his party n’that. But all of a sudden, ‘e went a bit melon cauliflower, like. I arsked him what were wrong an’ ‘e just said ‘e were sick of being blamed for all that shit what he didn’t do. An’ then he said – an’ I’ve never told anyone this before – he was thinking of movin’ to Spain.”
Spain?
“Spain.”
Why Spain?
“Well, ‘e said, that in Spain, Carteles de facturas will be prosecuted, not Bill Posters. So that’s where I think ‘e is.”
Popular online corner shop, Amazon has hired a dyslexic accounts clerk in a drive to diversify its workforce. Or has it?
Either that, or some dodgy eastern European scam artist has sent out the worst phishing email in the history of the internet.
Mounthly Payment Failur
Presumably ‘monthly payment failure’. More like monthly spelling failure. It’s not as if they are hard words to spell like, fraudulence, misrepresentation, or inveiglement. Don’t they have dictionaries in Romania?
My renewal membership has been rejecteds
Which is weird because I don’t have an Amazon Prime subscription, and even if I did, and my payment method had expired, that would require a ‘Prime subscription renewal’, and not a ‘renewal Prime subscription’, surely?
Schaduled to renew
Okay. Just let me check my carlander and I will put a date in my diarery.
Who are you calling stupid, stupid?
Worst of all, whoever wrote this, thinks I’m the stupid one!
Only few industries in the world can boast of the immense growth the gambling industry has seen over the years. In a span of two decades, casinos have gone from something you only see in movies or have to plan long trips for, to something you can now enjoy on your mobile phone at any time and place. This tremendous growth is thanks to the high level of innovation in the industry and the willingness to accept change.
When the internet was still in its early stages, talks of online gambling began to fly around and in no time, players could enjoy a live casino game from the comfort of their home. The industry didn’t stop there. The rise of smartphones and faster internet led to a more advanced form of online gaming called live casinos. This allows players to play against real life dealers like they do in land-based sites. Live platforms have become a staple of how far the online gaming industry has come and almost every gambling site now has a live section.
According to casino expert, Wang Mi-Sun, “라이브 카지노의 등장은 온라인 도박 산업 발전에 중대한 원동력이 되었습니다. 이것은 색다른 경험을 해볼 수 있는 기회를 제공하였는데, 오늘날 도박 산업의 규모가 이처럼 커질 수 있게 기여한 주 요인 중의 하나가 되었죠. 플레이어들은 라이브 카지노 사이트 를 쉽게 방문해서 마치 실제 카지노에 있는 것처럼 모든 게임을 즐길 수가 있으니, 이 기술 자체가 그야말로 혁명이라고 할 수가 있습니다. 또한 라이브 게임 산업은 미래 전망이 매우 밝으며 앞으로도 더 큰 발전을 기대하고 있습니다.”
Here, we’ll be looking into some of the benefits of playing live games and why you should make the switch like many popular stars.
Five Advantages of Playing Live Casino Games
1. A More Comprehensive Gaming Experience
This is in fact one of the biggest advantages of playing live games. Players get to enjoy a more intimate gaming experience because unlike normal games where they play against the computer, live gaming puts you against a real-life dealer. These professional dealers are mostly streamed from a real land-based factory or a studio fully equipped with state-of-the-art facilities.
There are standard gaming tables, real card decks, shuffle machines, and lots more. This is perfect for players who are yet to visit a land-based gambling house as it will give them a peek of what it’s like to fully experience the casino life in person. Some gambling sites even allow players to communicate with the dealer and other players through advanced chat functions.
2. 24/7 Availability
Just like other games, live casinos are available at any time of the day. The dealers work in shifts so there’s always one ready to give you a unique gambling experience. You might wake up at 3am feeling lucky and even though some land-based gambling houses might be open at the particular time, getting there can be difficult as you might not find decent transportation or might be too cautious to leave your home that late.
Luckily, with live gaming, all you need is internet connectivity and you are free to play even while lying on your bed. There’s no need for a dress code or for people to know who you are, it’s completely anonymous.
3. Comfort ability
If you’ve ever been to a real-life casino, you’ll know how noisy and distracting things can be. Sometimes, it’s really difficult to focus as there’s always someone in the background talking loudly, or music you’re not comfortable with. In games like blackjack and poker where you really need concentration, this lack of peace can prove frustrating. However, all these problems are eliminated when you play gamble games live.
You get to enjoy the real experience without all the distractions. You can play your favorite games sitting in your living room with a glass of wine in your hands. There’s no need to tip the dealer or make light conversations with others, you can also choose to play a table alone. This peace and quiet can help you analyze and develop winning strategies.
4. Multiple Game Variants
Playing at live casinos will give you access to multiple variants of your favorite games. This is only common in world-class land-based sites because most average casinos only have one or two variants of classic games like poker and roulette. But some gambling sites’ live sections feature up to 100 distinct games including other titles like Keno, Ludo, and Bingo as well as some popular game shows. Plus, you don’t have to wait for a table and can also choose to play alone if you like.
5. Bonus Offers
Who doesn’t like a good bonus offer? Absolutely no one! Nowadays, online gambling sites offer exclusive bonuses for real players. They include no deposit bonuses, free rounds on their favorite games, and cashbacks.
With these bonuses, players can maximize their winnings and play with more confidence. Even better, most of the promotional offers are free to claim although you might need to fulfill the wagering requirements before withdrawal. Ensure you read the terms and conditions of any bonus before claiming it.
The Bottom Line
Since their debut in the online gambling world almost a decade ago, live casinos have truly changed the industry. The benefits are immense and they offer players a chance to experience like never before. There are also several amazing bonuses that accompany them in addition to being available 24/7, having multiple communication options, and game variants. If you’re still contemplating making the switch to live gaming, do it now! It is truly wonderful.
With the cost of living crisis taking its toll, not only on people living in Suffolk but also on the length and breadth of the UK, those who enjoy gambling online are mastering the very fine art of locking in the best value from all of their gaming activities.
However, I should point out that many people do not have any spare cash to gamble with and have had to cut back on their gaming exploits what with the price of everything shooting through the roof, so if you cannot afford to play for example casino games, then don’t.
But for those of you that do have a few Pounds spare, and fancy taking your chances gambling online, allow me to present to you Big Bass Bonanza, the most popular slot in the UK, and enlighten you on how you can lock in the best value when playing slot machines online.
What’s legal?
As all casinos that have been issued with a UK gaming license are now legally required to display the payout percentages of their slot machines on their websites, do spend some time looking up that information, be aware it will be displayed as the RTP of each slot, meaning the Return to Player (payout percentage).
If I told you there were quite a lot of slot machines online which boast payout percentages as high as 99% I am sure you wouldn’t mind playing them, much more so when you are aware that fruit machines you may have played in a local amusement arcade could have been set with payout percentages as low as 72%.
One slot that does come with a set of payouts that high is the Book of 99 slot which has been launched by Relax Gaming, and another of their games worth checking out too is the Marching Legions slot for that slot has an RTP of a similarly high 98.12%.
You are bound to be drawn into playing some new slot machines as you may like the theme or even the bonus games that could be awarded to you, and with that in mind, if you are a fan of horror-themed slots then track down and give the Blood Suckers from NetEnt a try for its certified payout percentage is a huge 98.00%.
With some very low staking options and a great playing format the Jokerizer slot does earn its position on this list of the higher paying games, that game takes pride of place in many a casinos game suite and has been launched by Yggdrasil Gaming, and as for its RTP that is a certified 98%.
Gaming Supply
Red Tiger Gaming supply many a UK Gambling Commission licensed casino site with their range of slots, and two of their games that you should always consider making a beeline to play are the Zeus Lightning: Power Reels and Blood Suckers Megaways slots which have RTP’s of 97.73% and 97.66% respectively.
The Festive season has now been and gone, but you will find loads of higher paying slots that come with a theme based around that time of year, and the Big Bad Wolf Christmas Special from Quickspin is worth checking out thanks to its 97.34% RTP.
Some slot machines offer players tens or even hundreds of thousands of ways to win on each spin they play off thanks to their unique playing structures, and therefore if those types of games excite you one worth looking at and even playing is the White Rabbit Megaways from Big Time Gaming which has a payout percentage of between 97.24% and 97.77%.
I would also suggest you keep a sane and level head when gambling online, for even if you do choose to play the higher-paying slot machines, there are never any guarantees that you will win, as each game is completely random.
Set yourself an affordable loss limit and also have in place a maximum deposit limit at any online casinos you choose to play at, as that way you will never be tempted or allowed to continue depositing and possibly losing your money when the slot reels are not spinning your way, that is the best tip I can pass onto you.
