Traders down to their last Porsche as stock markets crash


Embattled financial traders are down to their last Porsche after stock markets crashed around the world.

First the Dow Jones plunged by more than 1,100 points in New York yesterday – a record fall – and then the FTSE 100 opened 3 per cent down this morning.


Ordinary people had no idea what was going on, but nevertheless they expressed sympathy for the financial traders.

Homeowner Lorraine Fisher, 34, from Framlingham said she was concerned that stockbrokers were now living on the breadline.

“If it is true they only now have one Porsche, then it is sad because they need another one to park outside their over-priced second home on the Suffolk coast.”

There were also fears that traders might only get a bonus of £250,000 this year, which would “hardly be worth the effort”.

Trader Steve Walshe said: “The markets have fallen and I have now only got the one Porsche and have to cut back on my cocaine intake.

“Ordinary people have no idea about the trauma I am going through. I don’t know how I will survive.”


But strangely enough, the financial traders did not seem too concerned that falling stock markets affect the pensions and investments of the general public.

Consumer expert Ray Davies said if there is a consumer confidence crisis over the volatile financial situation, “we’re all f*cked”.

“Never mind about the traders and their last Porsche – we might all be without a house if they don’t get their act together.”

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