Nurse looks forward to next medical check with Rishi Sunak

Nurse Lorraine Fisher, 34, prepares for the examination
Nurse Lorraine Fisher, 34, prepares for the examination

By Phil Ward, Health Correspondent

A nurse has revealed she is looking forward to conducting a thorough examination at Rishi Sunak’s next medical appointment.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, spoke out after the Chancellor awarded a sickly 1% pay rise for NHS staff in the Budget, despite their heroic efforts during the pandemic.

“It seems clear the poor man has his own head stuck up his @rse,” explained Ms Fisher.

“I shall therefore need to conduct a very painful and embarrassing examination when he comes in for his next check-up.”

Looking rather cross as she tugged on her protective gloves, Ms Fisher warned that a lack of lubrication supplies might make things even more uncomfortable.

“He says he is bending over backwards to save Britain’s economy and is taking any questions.

“Let’s see how flexible he can be when I ask him to bend over,” said Ms Fisher, a ward nurse at Ipswich Hospital.

Meanwhile, another nurse, Steve Walshe, 43, wondered if Labour’s deputy leader Angela Rayner might like to sell on eBay the personalised Amazon Apple Airpod Pros earphones she bagged on expenses.

“While Labour is making a merry song and dance about the 1% pay rise for hard-working NHS staff, they can all do their bit to save cash.

“I’m sure normal cheap airphones will be just as good for Ms Rayner.”

And man in the street Lewis Albury was not having any of it. “Millions are losing their jobs or living under fear of losing their jobs because the pandemic.

“Many more won’t get any pay rise at all. Oh, for a sniff of a 1% pay rise, a guaranteed job for life and a cast-iron pension.”

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