Prince Harry and his wife Meghan are trying to wriggle out of their new connection to a socially-aware investment firm.
Earlier this week the Duke and Duchess of Sussex announced they would be investing with Ethic, which describes itself as having a “hippy” approach to investing.
Its directors were pictured in tie-dye t-shirts and the company has a dog on the board called The Smile Officer.
But Harry and Meghan are dismayed to find that the firm does not trade or invest in real money.
Dividends are paid in coloured buttons, organic lentils, vegan cheese and macrame flower-pot holders.
A member of staff at the Duke’s Montecito mansion heard him say: “F*** it. This is worse than the Bank of Dad! You can’t rent a private jet with lentils! You’d need all those Asian crops just to trade a trip to George Clooney’s Italian place.
“And we’d be farting more than our current private carbon footprint.”
Lorraine Fisher, 34, a spokesperson for Ethic, said: “Whoa, man! They’ve signed up now and there’s nothing they can do about it. Peace!”
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