MUDDY FIELD, TROSTON, SUFFOLK – Sunday football games have become a breeding ground for implausible conspiracy theories (Palindrome) thanks to one paranoid football dad.
By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent
Brian Palindrome, 37, an ex Prison Warden whose dedication to unearthing the hidden goals of the Illuminati rivals. His enthusiasm for his son’s soccer prowess, has become notorious for his relentless pitchside rants about highly unlikely conspiracy theories.
Weapon of mass distraction
Every Sunday, as parents gather on the sidelines to watch their kids play footy. Palindrome takes it upon himself to enlighten anyone who will listen about the ‘truths’ that lie beneath the surface. From chemtrails and JFK’s assassination to The Protocols of the Elders of Zion and UFO sightings. No conspiracy theory is too obscure, or improbable for his subversive mind.
Despite the other parents’ attempts to focus on the game, Palindrome’s loud and unwavering conviction. That the world is a web of shadowy conspiracies is impossible to ignore. While supportive parents shout out “Come, on Troston Tigers!”, Palindrome can be heard chanting “9/11 was an inside job!”.
When one weary parent, whose child had just had a goal disallowed for offside, dared to point out that if everything he believed was a conspiracy, was, then nothing would ever happen naturally, politically independent Palindrome’s response was classic… “Listen, just because I’m paranoid, it doesn’t mean the government isn’t after me. And by the way, that goal was onside. The ref’s been paid off by the other team”. AAAAAARGH.
The unfortunate ‘victims’ of Palindrome’s relentless conspiratorial diatribes have become torn between indulging him with polite nods, and desperately trying to steer the conversation back to the actual game. The result? Sunday football games in Troston have transformed into an unusual battleground where the real action isn’t on the field but in the ongoing battle to maintain sanity in the face of Palendrome’s delusional rambling.
For now, as the young players happily kick and chase the soccer ball with unbridled enthusiasm, their parents are left to wonder if they’ll ever be able to watch a game in peace, free from the ever-watchful eyes of government agencies, secret societies, and little green men from outer space.