Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Anti-Google Earthers want Falkirk ‘off the map’

Anti-Google Earthers want Falkirk ‘off the map’

FALKIRK, SCOTLAND – A new anti-surveillance protest group, the ‘Anti-Google Earthers’ has emerged from the heart of Falkirk.

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

These fervent activists have set their sights on an unusual target: Google mapping vehicles. Their campaign revolves around a robust defense of civil liberties and a passionate stand against state surveillance.

The Anti-Google Earthers have taken to the streets of Falkirk, armed with the slogan ‘Fuck off ya nosey bastart,’ a classic piece of Scottish slang that translates to ‘Buzz off, you intrusive busybody.’ Their message is clear: they want Google’s all-seeing eye to take a hike.

Claiming that Google’s mapping vehicles are nothing more than elaborate state surveillance tools in disguise, the ‘Anti-Google Earthers’ are determined to take a stand. They’ve called for a “Falkirk Firewall” to protect their beloved streets and alleyways from prying eyes, both corporate and governmental.

The group’s crusade involves intercepting and attacking Google mapping vehicles whenever they dare to traverse the streets of Falkirk. Armed with deep-fried Mars bars, four-packs of Tennant’s Extra, and an unyielding determination to protect their privacy, the Anti-Google Earthers have adopted a creative approach to voice their concerns.

Street View is battlefield

Google, on the other hand, has responded to these incidents by adding a new feature to Google Maps, appropriately labeled ‘Tartan Targetting’ which allows users to trace the path of the clan of protesters in real-time. The Anti-Google Earthers remain undeterred, however, firm in their belief that their campaign will preserve the sanctity of their own backyards.

One group member, Angus McPrivvy, shared his perspective on the matter, saying, “We dinnae ken where they’re takin’ our data, but they’ve nae business traipsin’ around, pokin’ their cameras in our windaes and countin’ our Billy Connolly DVDs. It’s a matter of principle, ya see.” Questioned whether the Anti-Google Earthers’ complaint was really about the surveillance cameras shining a light on workshy locals’ criminality and benefit fraud, McPrivvy referred all such questions to his probation officer.

Anti-Google Earthers Rage

As the pitched battle between the Anti-Google Earthers and Google mapping vehicles rages, one thing is certain: Falkirk has become the unexpected epicenter of resistance against tech giant surveillance. It’s a confrontation straight out of Braveheart, inspired by the words of Scottish rebel and national hero, William Wallace: “Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you’ll live, at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!”

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