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3 ways Ipswich is better than London

The Editor
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3 ways Ipswich is better than London

We already know that humble Ipswich is not only the greatest town in the South East but also the entire country.

While the overcrowded, overpriced, and over-polluted capital might hog all of the limelight, it is actually Suffolk that houses the most fascinating and lively metropolis of these islands. With a history stretching back thousands of years and a leading role in countless important historical events, true culture vultures would be better off avoiding the Big Smoke altogether and heading straight to our sunny shores.

Here are the three indisputable ways that Ipswich is better than London.

History 

Sure, the Tower of London and St Paul’s Cathedral might look impressive, but once you’ve elbowed your way through the crowds of gawking tourists, there really isn’t that much to get excited about. Our history is so rich that we don’t need to make a big song and dance about it. One of the grandest historical buildings in town, Ancient House, currently houses a branch of Lakeland Plastics.

Our monument to the Russian Prince Alexander, who fled the Communists to make a new home in Ipswich, is a grey, muted slab tucked away in an obscure corner of town. The same goes for our statue of Cardinal Wolsey, the Tudor Kingmaker who was born here. When you have as much history as Ipswich, you don’t need to bang on about it.

Nightlife 

Rather than having to face-off against brutal bouncers and merciless door policies at the exclusive, glitzy nightclubs of the capital, you can have the night of your life in Ipswich without the unnecessary stress. Instead of trying your luck at Fabric you can just head to Unit 17, formerly known as a branch of Liquid Envy. Whilst the always-rowdy Unit 17 humbly bills itself as “the only nightclub in Ipswich”, there are plenty of other raucous options for the keen nightcrawler.

If your idea of a good time is the night at the casino, you can be a high roller without having to dress up in a tuxedo. The town centre has not one, but two branches of the small casino chain Cashino, which one online reviewer described as “okay”, so you know they must be good. While these hotspots might not offer the glamour of the roulette table, people looking to channel their inner James Bond can always play roulette online, without having to step out onto the mean street of Ipswich.

Architecture  

Last but not least is Ipswich’s stunning architectural heritage. Any true connoisseur would agree that the skyscrapers of Canary Wharf look gauche in comparison to the elegant Willis Building, one of Norman Foster’s first ever commissions. Similarly, the sprawling glass complex that houses the county council, Endeavour House, surely puts The Shard to shame.

Stepping further back in time, architecture fans can soak up the soaring tower of the Medieval St Mary-le-Tower church, or simply walk a little further down to road to take in 3-5 Silent Street, the oldest house in all of Ipswich, which dates back to 1480.

As you can see, Ipswich really does have a lot to offer both tourists and locals. Next time you’re considering getting a train down to London for the weekend, remember that anything they can do, we can do better.

Backing Ipswich to defeat Hull is a value bet, say experts

The Editor
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Backing Ipswich to defeat Hull is a value bet, say experts
Ipswich Town

Ipswich Town have had a dreadful Championship season so far as they sit rock-bottom with only 24 points from 38 games.

The club is already experimenting ahead of next season when they will play in League One. Having said that, they have been in fine form and go into next weekend’s clash against Hull City unbeaten in the last three and with only one defeat in their last five Championship games.

We asked the experts at bestbettingsites.online what we should expect from the upcoming match.

“Despite all the problems that Ipswich Town have had this season, in recent games, there has been a clear improvement in the squad,” said John Pentin, editor in chief of the football betting section of bestbettingsites.online.

Mr Pentin has worked in the past with top betting operators like Ladbrokes and William Hill, and in recent years has been one of the most successful football tipsters in the UK.

In addition to being a passionate punter, he also likes playing online casinos. For this reason, he has been involved leading the casino review team on a popular online casino comparison site called Casino Biggest Bonus.

“Sometimes playing without pressure can make a big difference with players who are keen to show their worth in what is remaining of the season,” he said.

The main issue for Ipswich Town has been at the back as they have conceded 62 goals and they are really struggling to keep clean sheets.

“In this last part of the season, we expect to see more youngsters launched in the first team. It will give them the opportunity to show they are ready for the next campaign. Having players that are motivated, it is critical to increasing the chances that Ipswich Town will end the season with their heads up despite all the problems.”

For all those reasons Mr Pentin believes there is value in backing Ipswich Town to defeat Hull City when club football is back next weekend after the Euro 2020 qualifiers.

Ipswich are currently at 3/1 to beat Hull with several top bookmakers.

“Surely it will not be an easy game as Hull City have better quality in the field but if you consider the improvements showed by Ipswich in the last game and also that Hull City have very little to play for (they are sitting in mid-table), a home win could be on the cards.”

NASA, Norfolk’s space agency gets lift-off

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NASA, Norfolk’s space agency gets lift-off

Norfolk’s new space agency has attempted its first launch into orbit from Cromer beach.

The Norfolk Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA for short) made the attempted manned flight at first light this morning.

Local woman Edna Spuckler was the willing volunteer to be sent to space on the manure-fuelled rocket, dubbed Turnip One. She was strapped to the rocket with bale string and wore a heat resistant bikini.

Sadly the launch countdown was halted at ’10’ because high winds meant chief scientist Bubba Spuckler couldn’t light his match.

Observer Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It was all a bit of an anti-climax, to be honest.

“No-one really believed Norfolk could join the space race and today’s feeble effort seems to confirm it.”

NASA spokesman Mark Brownless said it would be trying the launch again on Sunday. If the winds on Cromer beach continue, they would consider shifting the launch pad inland to Downham Market.

Cordless jump leads make charging your battery simple

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Cordless jump leads make charging your battery simple
Cordless jump leads over the internet

A Dutch company has invented cordless jump leads that charge or jump start your car battery using only a wireless internet connection.

Technology specialist Van Halen makes the clever devices at its Suffolk factory and has already got a full order book.

With Might As Well Jump, gone are the annoying long black and red cables that got tangled up and never quite reached your car battery from an electric socket or another car’s power source.

Now you simply use the cordless grips, which connect over WiFi to an app on your mobile phone.

When you press the charge button the signal provides the power for Might As Well Jump to either charge your car battery or jump start it from scratch.

Van Halen company spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, speaking from the factory at Brandon, said: “This is a revolution in automotive care.

“The devices cost just £19.99 and will work anywhere you have a WiFi signal on your phone. They pack away neatly with no mess or tangles cables.”

She explained Van Halen had developed the specialist jump leads after being inspired by the world’s first cordless garden hose.

Wife whose hubbie had vasectomy says travel jab made her pregnant

The Editor
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Wife whose hubbie had vasectomy says travel jab made her pregnant

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

A woman whose husband had a vasectomy seven years ago insists a travel vaccination has made her pregnant.

Chevaunne Smith, 38, from Norwich, Norfolk is four months pregnant and insists the injection at her local surgery must have been contaminated in some way.

She and her husband, Dominic are now planning to take legal action against the NHS for the alleged blunder.

“We already have two children and did not want any more, so Dominic had the snip back in 2010,” Mrs Smith said.

“You can imagine our surprise when I discovered I was pregnant. All I can think of was the vaccination caused it – I had the injection because I went on a solo trip to Africa in the spring.”

Woman pregnant

Mrs Smith added: “But the doctors are saying this is not possible. They are not being very helpful so we are thinking about speaking to our lawyers.”

Delivery driver Mr Smith, 41, (pictured above with his wife by the Norfolk Broads) explained: “The vasectomy definitely worked because I got tested last week. So something must have been up with the wife’s vaccination

“We have been married 20 years and are both determined to get to the bottom of this.”

NHS spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, refused to comment except to say: “This is a private matter between the Smiths. We will respond privately should their solicitor ever be in touch. However, we would emphasise that you can not get pregnant from travel jabs.”

Mrs Smith said she regularly took holidays alone to “find herself” and enjoy some time to “recharge her batteries” away from hectic family life.

A potted history of the Scottish Grand National

The Editor
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A potted history of the Scottish Grand National
Ayr racecourse. Photo: William Craig (CC BY-SA 2.0)

There was an English Grand National, an Irish Grand National and a Scottish Grand National… no, seriously.

In these days of devolved powers, there’s also a Welsh Grand National and countless more on a hyperlocal level throughout the British Isles so your area doesn’t feel left out.

“National” races are invariably run over three-and-a-half miles or even further, so there’s more fences for racehorses to jump and more chance that the jockeys sitting on them wearing nothing but boots, jodhpurs, silks and a smile will fall off.

This type of event is as a handicap – as if clearing fences made of birch isn’t enough of a handicap already. Take the Scottish National for instance.

How can it be the Ayr Grand National is run on the same track as the Ayr Gold Cup? The first race held annually in April is a marathon over four miles, yet later in the year Gold Cup horses only have to sprint on the Flat for six furlongs in September!

Ayr Gold Cup meeting. Photo: Elite Ayreshire Business Circle (CC BY 2.0)

It’s clear which thoroughbreds have got the cushy number. The Ayr Gold Cup is more or less over in 60 seconds. Meanwhile, it isn’t possible to complete the Scottish Grand National in six minutes.

Ayr hasn’t always been home to the race. It used to be run at Bogside Racecourse, which closed in 1965 when the track fell into the nearby River Irvine. In actual fact, they continued hosting point-to-point horse racing there for almost another 30 years after the change of venue.

Bogside produced some of the strangest named winners of the Scottish Grand National or horse races in general ever. The first running in 1867 went to The Elk – now, it’s hardly fair to run a stag against horses.

That disturbing trend continued with subsequent winners called Greenland, Huntsman, Snowstorm, Keystone, and most worryingly of all Solicitor. Militant, Peacock, Gunboat, The Peer, Wild Meadow, Crossbow, Ireland. No, it’s not a lost verse of Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start The Fire, but more Scottish Grand National winners from Bogside.

Big Busbie won the race in 1901 – before going on to manage Manchester United to European Cup glory more than 50 years later. Sir Matt would probably approve of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.

Red Rum is the only Scottish Grand National winner to have a statue in a shopping centre. Photo: Budd-Warrior (CC BY 2.0)

When the Scottish National moved to Ayr, it truly became more of a trial for the English equivalent at Aintree. Red Rum (they make whisky in Scotland, don’t they?) won it in 1974 after successfully defending his title on Merseyside.

As it’s often run in close proximity to Aintree, the days of doubling up are done. A cynic might say the Scottish Grand National is a consolation race for those that can’t get in at Aintree.

There’s no telling that to Joe Farrell who prevailed at Ayr by a nose in last year’s race from Ballyoptic. He’ll need over 30 horses to come out of the English equivalent to line-up on Merseyside on Saturday, 6 April for the Grand National mind.

Rebecca Curtis’ Welsh stable – you’d think she’d have aimed him at Chepstow, the site of another British Grand National – pulled off the surprise. It’s decidedly nearer home than Ayr!

New Ipswich Town team bus spotted arriving at West Brom

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New Ipswich Town team bus spotted arriving at West Brom
Ipswich Town on the road (Photo: ffion_ on Twitter)

The under-performing Ipswich Town players have got a swish new team bus to take them to away games around the country.

Manager Paul Lambert and the team, which is certain to be relegated to the third tier of English football for the first time in more than 60 years, used the bus for the first time today.

The bus, emblazoned with inspirational quotes to spur the floundering team on, was spotted arriving at West Bromwich for today’s match.

Ipswich fan Maurice Piper took this photo of the Ipswich team bus today and sent it to the Suffolk Gazette.

“It looks very smart,” he said, “and will look nice at it drives around the motorway network for away matches in League One next season.

“It certainly makes a statement.”

Ipswich Town bus expert

Team Bus expert Will Brame said the new vehicle was the latest in a string of PR measures led by boss Lambert.

“It’s one piece of good news after another,” he said.

The club has employed local woman Lorraine Fisher, 34, to be the coach driver.

Ipswich are bottom the league and showing no prospect of ever winning another football match.

George Ezra Suffolk sales plunge as he sings about yellow and green

The Editor
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George Ezra Suffolk sales plunge as he sings about yellow and green
George Ezra yellow and green

Singer-songwriter George Ezra has seen his record sales plunge in Suffolk after his hit song Shotgun glorified the yellow and green of Norwich City.

Shotgun, which reached number one everywhere else in the country, has an annoying chorus beginning: “Time flies by in the yellow and green, stick around and you’ll see what I mean.”

Hideous lyrics like that is like holding a red rag to a bull for Ipswich Town fans, currently barreling towards relegation to the third tier for the first time in more than 60 years.

And to make things worse, the yellow-and-green-shirted clowns from Norfolk are top of the league.

Suffolk music aficionado Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It’s not a good idea for a star to sing about anything related to Norfolk.

“Ezra’s sales have now gone to near zero in Suffolk. The same thing happened to Delia Smith’s cookbooks – nobody here buys them.”

Ezra’s management is concerned about the bad feeling the song has caused in Suffolk.

A spokesman for the star said: “George is very sorry. He will change the lyrics at his next live concert to: “Time flies by in the white and blue, stick around and you’ll see what I do.”

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