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Queen hands knighthood to Suffolk Gazette editor

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Queen hands knighthood to Suffolk Gazette editor

By Jane Seymour, Royal Editor

The editor of the Suffolk Gazette has been awarded a knighthood in today’s Queen’s Birthday Honours List.

Mr Simon Young, now known as Sir Simon, received the honour for his services to investigative journalism.

Her Majesty has been a loyal reader of the Suffolk Gazette for more than 50 years, and royal insiders say it is the first newspaper she turns to each morning.

Editor knighthood

Sir Simon has been editor of Britain’s leading local newspaper, which has been a top online news resource for Suffolk and beyond for more than 75 years, since 1973.

Suffolk Gazette editorCrowning achievement: Sir Simon honoured by the Queen
“This is indeed a great honour,” Sir Simon said. “It is reward for good quality journalism and a burning desire to tell the truth.”

Under his stewardship, the Suffolk Gazette has gone from strength to strength and is now read by more than 45 million people every month.

While Sir Simon receives a knighthood, fellow Suffolk hero Ed Sheeran is awarded an MBE for his services to ginger people.

“One of us is a great entertainer earning an absolute fortune from his craft. The other is Ed Sheeran,” Sir Simon said.

Secret satanic messages found in Rick Astley songs

The Editor
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Secret satanic messages found in Rick Astley songs

Rick Astley songs
Concerns have been raised after it was revealed that Rick Astley songs contain secret satanic messages when played backwards.

Experts now fear millions of people have been subjected to devil worshipping through hits such as Never Gonna Give You Up – a number one in 25 countries – and Together for Ever.

Research into popular music by academics at Suffolk University uncovered shocking chanting when Astley’s music was played backwards.

Rick Astley songs

In Never Gonna Give You Up, listeners are told: “Summon the Prince of Darkness. He is the most frightening symbol of evil; the tempter, the soul snatcher who goes by many names.”

A further backwards-playing lyric, timed at 2.05 on the single version of the hit song, adds: “In the presence of all Demons of Hell, who are the True and the Original gods, I renounce any and all past allegiances.”

A passage in Together for Ever reveals: “I proclaim Satan Lucifer as my one and only God and sign my name in blood.”

The chilling discoveries angered church leaders. The Rev Evan Elpuss, of St Peter and Waterman Church in Ipswich, said: “Parents need to be aware of Rick Astley’s music, and ensure their children do not play it backwards.

“What may seem like harmless fun is extremely dangerous – you can not mess around with Satan. If you are affected, come to our Sunday service to renounce evil.”

Music lovers were shocked. Gina Harris, 37, of Felixstowe, explained: “I always said Rick Astley’s music was the work of the devil.”

Lose weight by drinking half a bottle of wine before bed

The Editor
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Lose weight by drinking half a bottle of wine before bed

Bedtime wine diet

Drinking just half a bottle of wine before going to bed is a brilliant way to lose weight, dietitians have discovered.

Experts say the boozy routine was tested on women across Britain – who have been able to lose as much as five kilograms a month as a result.

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The Just One More Wine Diet works with red, white or even rosé wines, and has been found to suit women of all ages (so long as they can afford the wine)..

Anyone keen to shed the pounds can eat normally during the day and even enjoy a sizeable evening meal.

But by glugging three glasses of wine before climbing into bed, the metabolism kicks in and chews up the calories for hours while you sleep.

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Suffolk Gazette diet expert Fatima Bottomley said: “This is a wonderful new diet, and I for one have been working hard on it for a couple of years now. The results are remarkable!”

The Just One More Wine Diet plan is available for FREE in this easy e-learning course here.

Annette Wilkinson, a professor of medicine at Suffolk University said: “Drinking wine used to be a guilty secret pleasure for many, but now research proves three glasses at bedtime will help you lose weight faster than any other diet fad out there.

“Now you can lose the pounds with carefree abandon without having to worry about bothersome salads and fat-free yoghurt.”

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Suffolk Police offers free cocaine purity check

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Suffolk Police offers free cocaine purity check

Cocaine
Drug users are being urged to take their cocaine to the local police station so officers can do  cocaine purity check and it is not “cut” with damaging chemicals.

Simply take your pouch of coke to the nick and tell the desk sergeant you would like it tested for purity.

Officers will ask no questions, but conduct a free cocaine health check to ensure your stash is not cut with a toxic powder that dealers are currently using to make the drug more profitable.

Your drugs will then be handed back and you can leave the station knowing you are safe to snort the marching powder.

A Suffolk Police insider said: “We have been getting widespread reports in recent weeks of drug dealers lacing – or cutting – cocaine with a toxic substance in order to dilute the drug, sell more in weight and make more profit.

“This added chemical is affecting users’ brains and ability to function properly – and may end up killing them.

“So we ask them to simply bring their drugs to the station and ask us to take a look. It should only take ten minutes, but it is great to have peace of mind and certainly not to be sniffed at.”

Corbyn to lower voting age to EIGHT

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Corbyn to lower voting age to EIGHT

Jeremy Corbyn’s general election success has been widely attributed to young voters coming out in droves.

Now he is hoping to consolidate his position by bringing in a new law reducing the voting age to just eight years old.

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The Labour leader told the Suffolk Gazette: “We have had focus groups working on this and set up a Great at Eight commission.

“I had a letter from Chantelle from Kensington who said, ‘I would vote for a party that gave me a pony and a nice little stable for him. I think this kind of thing is important for world peace’.

Chantelle from KensingtonPony up: Chantelle backs Corbyn’s plan

“Kyle, from Ipswich, said, ‘Me and all the others in my class think we should get free fidget spinners so we don’t get bored and start bombing other countries. This would make me more interested in that voting stuff although I don’t really know what it means’.

“Holly from Leiston said, ‘My mum never gives me enough pocket money for sweets and this makes me want to riot so I would vote for any party that had more parties, more sweets and goodie bags. I would also like free happy meals. I think politicians are billionaires who like telling fibs and shouting at each other in a big living room with lots of green sofas’.

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“Sonny from Stowmarket said, ‘Giving us the vote at eight is a great idea because we could boss people about and do banners in art. My dad says I shouldn’t vote for the library democats because they want to legalise cannibals’.”

Mr Corbyn says hopes to lower the voting age to eight in time for the next general election, which could be any time from now.

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Paul Nuttall resigns to relaunch astronaut career

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Paul Nuttall resigns to relaunch astronaut career

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has resigned to concentrate on being an astronaut.

He stepped down today after his party’s share of the vote was wiped out across Britain.

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But the rocket scientist and Nobel Peace Prize winner insisted he could now concentrate on his out-of-this world role as an astronaut.

He began flying space ships after injury forced him to retire early from his glittering professional football career.

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Speaking outside the gates of his rural estate, which he opens for disadvantaged families to live in for free, Mr Nuttall, 27, explained his decision.

“I’m delighted to have led UKIP to its second highest ever number of seats in Parliament after this general election.

“The time is right to leave the Party so we can concentrate on my astronaut business.”

Our psychic dog picks UK general election winner

The Editor
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Our psychic dog picks UK general election winner

The Suffolk Gazette’s very own Psychic Dog has carefully selected the winner of the UK general election.

Our chocolate labrador was asked to pick the coloured sock which represented a winner from the main political parties.

And before any readers cry foul and point out that dogs are colour blind, we put each sock next to a photograph of the party leader so the clever pooch would recognise it.

The only possible hitch with our completely scientific experiment was the lack of a SNP sock, so we used a tartan cumerband instead.

Initially the dog, which correctly chose the last general election result by selecting the Green Party (surely some mistake? Ed), headed for one woolen garment but seemed to have second thoughts.

Thankfully, another hound was on hand to offer support, and this time the lab made a beeline for the winning party.

You’ll have to watch the video below for the result. We think Psychic Dog will be on the television election specials with this sort of political analysis.

A political commentator said: “The pollsters are all over the place trying to predict this general election result. Thank God we have the Suffolk Gazette’s Psychic Dog to tell us what is going to happen.”

Crime sensation: Anita Bush may have been murdered

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Crime sensation: Anita Bush may have been murdered

EXCLUSIVE
By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

The funeral and cremation of Suffolk Gazette gardening writer Anita Bush was sensationally postponed yesterday under suspicions that she may have been murdered.

A post-mortem examination revealed that as well as copious amounts of gin in her system there were traces of Weedol.

And police were astonished to discover whip marks across her backside which cannot be explained.

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Her husband Norbert, 69, told officer he thought the marks were from where she recently fell into a blackberry bush.

Our crime correspondent Hugh Dunnett has had sight of a statement made by a neighbour after Ms Bush was found, believed drowned in the water feature in her garden last week.

Police will be interviewing other neighbors from Stowmarket, Suffolk, friends and relatives and certain Suffolk Gazette readers who had been trolling Ms Bush and making rude jokes about her.

The secret statement was from villager Jennifer Wiggins. It said: “I heard shouting the night before her body was found. I believe Ms Bush was singing Roll Out The Barrel and a man was shouting at her to ‘shut the feck up’.

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“People thought Ms Bush was a sweet old gardener but there was another side to her. I once saw her unload some common B & Q lobelias from her Nissan Micra. I told her I was expecting a delivery of more exotic plants from Sarah Raven and she sneered at me.

“A few days later all my posh plants were dead. I know this sounds like a motive for me to kill her but there are dozens of other suspects who wanted rid of her. There were rumours of her husband going out late at night. There are whispers that he is to be questioned.”

A spokesman for Suffolk Constabulary said: “We don’t know how you got this statement but we cannot comment. Our inquiries are continuing and if anyone has any information they should contact us.”

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