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Kim Jong-un addicted to FIFA 18 on his Xbox

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Kim Jong-un addicted to FIFA 18 on his Xbox

Kim Jong-un on his Xbox

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is addicted to his Xbox and plays FIFA 18 for hours every night, it has been revealed.

He even battles online against people from around the world, who would be astonished if they knew their opponent’s real identity.

Mr Jong-un spends all his free time on his sofa glued to the FIFA 18 game – so much so that he is considered a high-skilled player, and his screen name TheBossDPRK features high on the worldwide leaderboard.

With the North Korean team being poor in the EA Sports game, the leader has adopted English club side Ipswich Town FC as his favourite to play with.

A North Korean regime spokesman said: “Kim Jong-un plays as Ipswich Town as he has a holiday caravan on the Suffolk coast. Her has proved how good he is by getting them promoted into the Premier League and then winning the Champions League.

“He takes on all comers – if only those people knew who they were really up against!”

Some have said they are sceptical about why the news is now being “leaked” about the leader playing on his Xbox.

But political analysts say it is part of a carefully-choreographed change of image.

Expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “First Kim Jong-un met the Chinese leader, then the President of South Korea. And soon he will be meeting Donald Trump.

“While promising to abandon nuclear tests, he wants the world to see him as just a normal person, not some inhumane dictator who suppresses his people.

“Being thought of as a regular guy playing football on his computer is part of this staged impression they are trying to portray.”

However, our investigations reveal there is indeed an Xbox player using the name TheBossDPRK who is one of highest in the FIFA 18 rankings.

An insider at Ipswich Town said: “While we do not endorse the policies of Mr Kim Jong-un, we are glad to see he has impeccable taste by choosing to play as Ipswich Town on his Xbox.

“We are currently searching for a new manager after the departure of Mick McCarthy, so perhaps he would like to apply?”

Firemen free trapped maypole dancers

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Firemen free trapped maypole dancers

Firemen were called to a Suffolk village today when three women became entangled in a maypole during May Day celebrations.

Each year the ladies in Rattlesden attach large ribbons to the top of the village green maypole and dance around it as part of a centuries-old tradition to herald May 1.

But yesterday the dance descended into farce when one of the participants, who villagers claimed had “been at the cider”, kept getting her dance moves wrong.

The dancers’ colourful ribbons, which were attached to the top of the pole, started getting tangled up.

Before anyone could intervene, three of the women found themselves wrapped around the maypole, tied up and unable to move.

maypole dance

“It was very funny, but we were a little worried because they could not move and one of the ladies said she could not breathe very well,” dance leader Mary Blear-Smythe said.

“But no matter how hard we tried, we could not untangle the ribbons. My husband got some garden shears, but he cut Mrs Pike’s fringe and nearly sliced off Mrs Parkinson’s fingers.

“In the end, we had to call the fire brigade, who were very decent about it. They had to cut the maypole in half above the ladies heads, and then they were able to lift the ribbons off.

“Everybody was very relieved and went to the pub for a calming drink afterwards – except for tipsy Lorraine Fisher, 34, who was the one who caused the problem in the first place. She was sent home.”

Eagle-eyed Suffolk Gazette readers will recognise the village of Rattlesden, near Stowmarket, which is where a blind football team brawled with a bunch of morris dancers in the summer of 2015.

A Suffolk fire service spokesman said: “One appliance was sent to Rattlesden to release three women who had become trapped on a maypole.

“The crew used cutting equipment to slice the pole in half so the ribbons could be lifted off. No one was hurt.”

Mrs Blear-Smythe added: “It’s a bit of a coincidence that we have had two mishaps relating to different folk traditions. We are now a little worried about this summer’s folk music festival at The Brewers Arms.”

Children banned from all Suffolk pubs

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Children banned from all Suffolk pubs
Children banned from pubs

Children are being banned from all Suffolk pubs so customers can enjoy their food and drink in peace, it has emerged.

New legislation enforced by the Suffolk Pub Landlords Association means parents will be ordered to leave their youngsters in the car park.

In the good old days kids were routinely dumped outside to play in the traffic with a bottle of Coke and a packet of crisps.

But then they began kicking and screaming their way into the pubs.

Before long adults could not hear themselves at the bar over the din of loud-talking or screaming children.

Now grown ups have won their long-fought campaign to keep public houses child free.

“This is a victory for commons sense,” said pub regular Steve Walshe from Woodbridge.

“When I go out I want a quiet pint with my mates, and I do not to expect to be sitting in the middle of a crèche.

“Some parents let their kids get away with murder when they should be sitting quietly. Kids should be seen and not heard – and preferably only seen in the car park.”

But mummy groups on Facebook were furious with the news, claiming it is like something from Victorian Britain.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, who runs YummyMumsNet, a successful online community for yummy mummies, was outraged.

“I am fuming,” she said. “If I want to take little Archie to the local gastro pub for a kale and spinach sandwich, then I shall.

“These men would probably want smoking allowed in pubs again as well.”

Parents will now look for different ways to entertain their kids on a budget.

The news comes after it emerged Waitrose was trialing special cages outside its Ipswich store in which unruly children can be stored.

How to properly organize your education time

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How to properly organize your education time

Introduction
Time management plays a great role in different aspects of a person’s life. For the case of education, time management is required to organize one’s activity and have enough time for essay writing, completing assignments, studying, attending classes, and taking enough breaks to relax. It is therefore important that a person identifies and understands all tasks for each single day and allocates enough time for them. Prioritizing on the tasks is also crucial to ensure that one understands the appropriate time required for each task and also works on the most important tasks first. While there are numerous ways of properly organizing one’s time in education, some of the major tips to study effectively (according to CustomEssayOrder.com) are creating a schedule, avoiding procrastination and distraction, doing homework on time, dividing big tasks into smaller pieces, using a planner, and prioritizing on assignments.

Create A schedule
In order to stay organized in college, each student should be aware of his daily tasks and have a schedule for them. This starts with the simple tasks of knowing one’s class times and being in class on time. It also includes all other tasks that the student has to work on and especially those with deadlines such as class assignments and projects. The best way of handling these projects and ensuring that they are delivered on time without interfering with the normal learning program is setting dates and timelines on when to work on them. The created schedule should also have time for breaks, sleep, and socialization. This is because even though learning is vital, it should not make the learner a prisoner by preventing him from carrying out his non-educational activities.

Avoid Procrastination and Distraction
Avoiding postponing is ensured by keeping deadlines and a work schedule. In most cases, students are encouraged to postpone working on projects with long deadlines or those they find complex. This forces them to work with a last minute rush leading to poor performance. It is therefore advisable that one has small bits of the long-term project to complete each so that he has enough time for editing and revising. It is also recommended that a person understands all sources of distraction when learning and avoids them. This is by bearing in mind that the studying plans for other students do not need to necessarily work for him and thus come up with an appropriate plan meeting one’s needs and studying approaches.

Do Your Homework on Time
Every learner has to work on assignments given in class and with a scheduled deadline. While some assignments should be delivered by the end of the day, others can be done in two or more days. It is therefore crucial that a person understands when each assignment is required in order to plan. It also helps in allocating enough time for each assignment since it is expected that an individual works on numerous assignments each day. Doing homework on time would thus start by identifying the deadline, the amount of research required, and appropriate time to deliver high quality work. It I recommended that a student plans well to finish the assignment before the deadline rather than running after the instructor to ask for deadline extensions. This helps in avoiding penalties and fines thus improving one’s academic grades.

Divide Big Tasks into Smaller Pieces
On time management tips for students, it is a requirement that learners identify big assignments and projects in order to ensure quality of work. Some assignments such as a research project require to be done in several months and in bits in order to be successfully completed. It is thus advisable that after being assigned to such projects, the learner identifies the small tasks that should be worked on, sets deadlines for each, and allocates enough time for each with the major goal in mind of delivering the completed big task within the stipulated time. Dividing big tasks into smaller pieces is noted to help in simplifying complex assignments/ projects that could otherwise not be possible to complete. It also helps in preventing last time rush or having shoddy work for fear of reaching the deadline before completing the assignment.

Use a Planner
This might be in form of an application downloaded on one’s phone or a table or graphic representation in the learner’s notebook. With the planner, the student should list everything he has to do. While this might sound obvious, it is very easy for a learner to leave out most vital tasks only to remember them in the last minute thus negatively affecting their quality of work and eventually the overall grade. With a planner, daily tasks should be listed in order of priority including the university deadlines as well as student deadlines (student deadlines should be before or aligning with the university deadlines), and the exact time each task would take off the learner’s schedule. With a planner, it is also easy to check on assignments that have already been completed and add new ones as soon as they are assigned.

Prioritize your Assignments
While all assigned assignments are important, they cannot be handled at the same time. Having an assignment placed as the last on the list does not make it less important. However, prioritizing on assignments ensures that urgent, most important, and assignments requiring more time are worked on first. It helps the student stay organized at college in that he would not have misplaced priorities. For instance, even though socializing and taking breaks are important in a person’s life, this should not take up time that could otherwise be used to complete a very urgent assignment. In addition, an assignment given today but due in a week’s time should be worked on after an assignment given the following day to be delivered in a day.

Conclusion
With the major tips to study effectively including creating a schedule, avoiding procrastination and distraction, doing homework on time, dividing big tasks into smaller pieces, using a planner, and prioritizing on assignments, the life of a learner becomes easy. One will have time for all daily activities including both educational and non-educational tasks. It would also be the best opportunity to ensure that a student optimizes his time and thus achieves good grades. The student has to stay organized at college instead of getting shocked when others are handing in their assignments thus being forced to plead with the instructor for a deadline extension. It also enables the learner focus on his course, which is important as a foundation for his career.

2018 online UK casino guide

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2018 online UK casino guide

According to many satisfied players in the United Kingdom, online casinos are much better compared to their physical counterparts. In fact, most people who have tried online casinos just once have stopped visiting brick and mortar casinos. Every year, these online casinos are revealing new options and features and that’s why you should stay up-to-date if you want to get most of your gaming experience. The following is a 2018 online UK casino guide that should help you make the right choice.

Things to look for in online UK casinos in 2018
Technology has made rapid progress in the last few years. It looks like we are witnessing the emergence of new, inventive features on the Internet almost on a daily basis. Of course, online casinos in the UK are not an exception. The best ones are always working on improving their offer and their features and options. So, what exactly should you look for this year when you are looking for a good online UK casino?

Software and graphics – If you want to stay on the safe side and maximize your profit, you should look for online casinos that use reliable software solutions. There are a few software developers that have developed a solid reputation in the last few years and they are expected to shine even more in 2018. Some examples of reliable software developers include Playtech, NetEnt, Microgaming, and Betsoft. When it comes to graphics, you should expect to find more 3D games and even virtual reality casino games on some online gambling sites. Obviously, if you have VR equipment, stick to the casinos that have VR games in their offer.

Smooth loading and gameplay – Almost all online casinos in the UK rely on HTML5 and even those that don’t will probably switch to HTML5 this year. Check the reviews and stay away from casinos where players are experiencing software crashes and lagging. This could ruin your gaming experience.

Selection of casino games – It doesn’t make sense to join an online casino that doesn’t have dozens of casino games in its offer. Slots, poker, roulette, and blackjack are a must. However, you should look for live casino games, VR games, and mobile games too.

Payment methods and security – Online UK casinos are adding more and more payment methods in their offer. This makes it much easier for all users to deposit and withdraw money. When choosing a casino, analyze these payment options. Besides credit cards and debit cards, many of them are supporting electronic payment processors like Skrill, PayPal, and Neteller. In addition, many casinos today are accepting cryptocurrency like Bitcoin too. Finally, make sure that their security is updated to the latest standards in this industry.

Mobile access
According to the latest statistics, more than half of website visits come from mobile devices. So, even if you are not using your mobile device to play casino games, you will probably start doing this in the near future. That’s why it’s a smart move to opt for online casinos in the UK that support mobile devices. We are talking about online casinos with a responsive design which means that you will enjoy playing games regardless of the device you are using. The resolution should match the display of the device you are using at the moment.

Recommended online UK casinos in 2018
It’s really difficult to recommend one online UK casino because it all depends on the needs, requirements, and desires of players. Yet, there are a few online casinos that stand out from the crowd in this 2018.

For instance, if you are looking for an online casino that has a wide range of casino games, you should check Casumo. This website has over 700 online casino games including slots, poker, blackjack and roulette games. On the other hand, Betway comes with a bonus package that goes up to 1000 GBP. InterCasino has a similar offer, but it also offers 110 free spins which is great for online slot fans.

Mobile casino players in the United Kingdom should give LeoVegas a chance because this slot has over 400 mobile-friendly games. Those who are fans of live casino games will be impressed by the games offered by BetVictor, 888 Casino and Grosvenor Casinos.

We hope that this 2018 online UK casino guide will help you find the best online casino.

Amber Rudd forcibly deports herself from job

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Home Secretary Amber Rudd has forcibly deported herself from her job, it has emerged.

The under-fire politician had to admit finally that a bombshell target of 10 million people wanting her to quit had been met.

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Ms Rudd had previously claimed she had no knowledge of anyone wanting her to leave her employment in the cabinet.

But in a shock announcement she ripped up her employment contract and left with immediate effect.

Without the correct paperwork, she was then forced to pack her bags and leave the country.

Political observer Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “First she claimed she knew nothing of her resignation.

“Then she resigned.”

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It is now expected that Prime Minister Theresa May will appoint a safe pair of hands to run the Home Office, like Michael Gove.

“It will likely be a bit of a shambles,” Ms Fisher said. “You could say the Tories are Rudderless.”

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Eccles Cake banned as name confirmed as Beccles Cake

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Eccles Cake banned as name confirmed as Beccles Cake

Beccles cake

The world-famous Eccles Cake is being scraped into the bin after a landmark ruling confirmed it should rightfully be called a Beccles Cake.

Locals have always claimed the tasty teatime treat was invented in the north Suffolk town of Beccles in 1530, and quickly became a favourite of King Henry VIII.

But the original Beccles Cake recipe was lost in a serious fire, only to be revived a hundred years late with the incorrect Eccles Cake name.

The error gave the obscure town in Greater Manchester a huge financial boost, leaving Beccles in Suffolk nothing more to look forward to than a grim view of Norfolk over the River Waveney.

Now the Department of Food and Fisheries has acted as an intermediary between the two towns, and confirmed the recipe does indeed belong in Suffolk.

The Beccles Cake is a small, round cake filled with currants and made from flaky pastry with butter, sometimes topped with demerara sugar.

It is expected the Government ruling will prompt Beccles Town Council to apply for Protected Geographical Status, meaning only locally-make cakes can be named Beccles Cakes.

And Eccles will be forced to ditch its imposter cakes in order to prevent confusion.

Beccles baker Lorraine Fisher, 34, has been campaigning for years for the rightful return of the Beccles Cake name.

“Those people from Lancashire just seized upon the name when an old document about the cake was found at Hampton Court Palace, in the records from Henry VIII’s time.

“The document accidentally left the ‘B’ off the name of the cake, but Eccles didn’t care and cashed in on the recipe.

“This is a victory for common sense, and we can’t wait to serve up tasty Beccles Cakes to our hungry customers.”

An insider at Eccles Town Hall said they would be appealing against the Government decision.

“We have been making Eccles Cakes for hundreds of years. If this Beccles place wants the name back they had better prepare to fight us for it.”

Food lovers believe the Beccles Cakes will taste nicer than Eccles Cakes because of the better living conditions in the south of England.

“There is also better hygiene and more appreciation of fine cooking,” said Suffolk food writer Barbara “Baps” Appleton.

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‘Annoying’ caravans banned from Suffolk

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‘Annoying’ caravans banned from Suffolk

Caravan ban

By Laurie Hall, Transport Editor

Caravans are being banned completely from Suffolk because anti-social owners have become too unbearable, it has been confirmed.

Residents and officials have had enough of caravanners setting up home in laybys, pitching up in supermarket or public car parks – and taking over private land in villages.

They have to be evicted by local councils – and leave behind a terrible mess for everyone else to clean up.

As a result, the decision has now been taken to prevent caravans from using any roads in Suffolk.

County council caravan enforcement officer Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “Enough is enough.

“People in Suffolk pay their taxes to enjoy the services we provide. They expect all of our facilities to be respected.

“But now caravans are causing increasing issues. One might turn up in a public car park, and before you know it another 15 have turned up.

“And there they will stay for weeks before being evicted without paying any parking fees at all and leaving an awful mess behind.”

Ms Fisher explained it was approaching the time of year when thousands of extra caravans would have been entering Suffolk.

“They seem to turn up in huge numbers over bank holiday weekends and during the summer holidays, with many of them heading for our beautiful coastline.

“But no more!”

Brian Walshe, a spokesman for the Caravan Owners’ Club, said: “We will be having words with the authorities in Suffolk.

“It seems they have got the wrong end of the stick about most people who tow a caravan.”

This is not the first time Suffolk caravanning has got a bad press – this very newspaper revealed three years ago how North Korean leader Kim Jong-un had purchased a Suffolk caravan.

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