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Adrian’s wall is NOT visible from space

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Adrian’s wall is NOT visible from space
adrians wall
Adrian Smith by his front wall

Scientists have conclusively shown that Adrian Smith’s front garden wall is not visible from space.

The study of satellite photos shows that, despite it being a long-held belief, Adrian’s wall cannot be seen from the moon. In fact, it’s pretty hard to spot it from up the road.

Professor Lorraine Fisher, 34, of Suffolk University’s astrophysics department, said: “We’re not sure where everyone got the idea that Adrian’s wall was visible from space, but it’s simply not true. It’s an urban myth.

“It is much to thin to be spotted, which is a shame because it’s a lovely Victorian-era brick.”

Mr Smith, 31, said: “My wall has been something of a tourist attraction here in Ipswich simply because people thought it was a feat of engineering.

“I’ll admit I had even applied for a grant from English Heritage so it could be re-pointed.

“I don’t suppose I’ll get that now.”

Mr Smith, a company director, says the news has not put him off his wall, which keeps his large detached home nice and private.

“It’s a nice wall – and does it really matter that folks on the space station can’t see it?”

Impact of mobile gaming on the online casino industry

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Impact of mobile gaming on the online casino industry

The casino industry has always done pretty well for itself for a wide range of reasons, one of these being the fact that players not only enjoy the games but the added bonus of winning is also a great reason to play.

This reason alone is in fact usually enough to get players going in the first place, but ultimately the gaming experience at 666casino.com is the main thing that pulls us in most of the time. 

So what is the impact of mobile gaming on the online casino industry? Overall, it is pretty positive stuff, and with the rise of digital, smartphones and gaming going hand in hand, there is a clear correlation as to how mobile gaming has gone up because our devices have too. 

Convenience 

This means that convenience has won here. It is somewhat ironic that in the way that the online casinos once did, mobile casinos have climbed up the popularity ranks since their inception. 

So much so in fact, that since then the growth of mobile casinos has contributed a huge 15 per cent of revenue in the gambling industry. 

Which is ironic when you think about it because only about eight years or so ago, nobody and especially not gamers saw this kind of change in gaming happen. 

Not that that is a bad thing, but what actually made this event happen and cause the mobile casinos growth? 

The short answer is that it all comes back to convenience – now we have plenty of apps on our smartphones, and it just so happens that in our day to day life we use those phones probably more than we use anything else. 

This means that the online casino industry is booming like a mobile casino, but the cross over in the two helps. 

You might find a game online for example, and decide to download it on your mobile, and in this way, you have got the best of both worlds. 

But what exactly is the impact of mobile gaming on the online casino industry then? Well, as more and more of us choose to play games through our smartphones – in particularly casino games – fewer people are playing with an online casino. 

As many as 44 per cent in fact of casino gamers choose to play their games online over their smartphones and through apps rather than with online casinos. 

But, having said that, that is not to say that online casinos are failing now. Most of the casinos you can find online have more than 100 games on offer in any one catalogue, and this is growing as developers find more ways to create innovative games. 

It is also worth noting that it is not all about convenience. The user experience when it comes to gaming has rapidly improved too as with the growth of mobile gaming. 

With better graphics and better software, it is perhaps only a matter of time before mobile gaming might just overtake online casinos.

New to Airbnb: recently renovated Windsor cottage

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New to Airbnb: recently renovated Windsor cottage
frogmore cottage on airbnb
Screenshot of new Airbnb listing

This gorgeous, private cottage in Windsor is now available to rent for £10,000 a night on Airbnb because the owners are moving abroad.

The property has been renovated recently at great expense – about £2.4 million – and comes with all the mod cons and extensive security and personal staff.

Despite unexpectedly moving to North America, host Harry writes on the Airbnb page that he wants to keep the cottage, even though he doesn’t actually own it.

“One is needing to become financially independent, so we are reluctantly allowing the great unwashed to stay in our cottage.

“It’s only £10,000 a night, and you’ll find the key in a key safe by the back door. I will send you the combination code prior to your arrival.”

The Airbnb page is full of glorious photographs of the Grade Two-listed property but warns against families with young children renting it out.

“There is a dodgy uncle who might pop round uninvited. Don’t let him in, whatever you do,” host Harry adds.

Airbnb property listings executive Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “There has already been a lot of interest in this Windsor cottage, with most people saying they want their money back even though they have never stayed there.”

Rural Norfolk villages connected by modern new bus service

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Rural Norfolk villages connected by modern new bus service

Norfolk bus service

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

A bus service has been launched to connect isolated communities in parts of rural Norfolk for the first time, operators confirmed today.

The fleet of shining vehicles each carry two passengers in a secure, air-conditioned seating area, and are capable of whizzing them from village to village inside two hours.

Up until now, it has taken women living in remote areas like Downham Market, Swaffham and Fakenham all day to fetch water from regional wells or to forage berries from far-away hedges.

But the new fleet introduced by Luxor Traction Ltd means they now have more time to attend to their other daily duties – like sweeping out their hovels.

Edna Spratt, 37, who lives near Downham Market with her brother and their nine children, said: “The new bus service is excellent. I can catch the 7.37am from the end of my track and get to Salters Lode to collect water in under two hours.

“It’s then just a five-hour wait for the 2pm service back towards Downham Market. I have heard that abroad in places like Suffolk they have something called locomotives on tracks which can carry more than two people, but that sounds like the devil’s work.”

Luxor Traction Ltd launched its fleet of 15 buses to service most parts of rural Norfolk in recent weeks.

Company chief executive Mr John Deere said: “We are very proud to open up parts of rural Norfolk for the first time. Public transport will transform the lives of hard-working local people like Edna.

“It’s taking a bit of time to catch on because these folk do not have televisions or read, so it is difficult to get the word out. But we are confident of turning a profit by 2023.”

Lorraine Fisher, 34, had nothing to say about this story.

Old woman is first to circumnavigate Suffolk by bus

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Old woman is first to circumnavigate Suffolk by bus

They said it could never be done – but 81-year-old Maggie Moore has become the first person to circumnavigate Suffolk by bus.

The thrill-seeking pensioner has climbed Himalayan mountains in the past, but this year Maggie swapped K2 for the number 62 as she left herself at the mercy of public transport.

“I knew that travelling by bus in Suffolk was difficult, but I never realised it was this difficult,” said Maggie as she clambered off the number 173 to a crowd of journalists and well-wishers on her triumphant return to Felixstowe.

“Until you’ve experienced it yourself, you can never understand the extraordinary mental and physical effort it takes to get from Brandon to Eye on a Sunday.

“Climbing six thousand metres at high altitude is nothing compared with trying to figure out the timetable for the number 312.”

 

 

 

Maggie Moore, third left, on the Lowestoft leg of her trip

 

Moore’s epic trip took her on a treacherous circular route around the edge of the county, taking in the likes of Ipswich, Sudbury, Brandon and Lowestoft, before finally returning to her home town of Felixstowe on Saturday. In total, the journey took 63 days, during which time she consumed 72 flasks of tea, 253 cheese sandwiches and 20 packets of peppermint creams.

 

“I had to deal with a lot – loneliness, isolation, body odour. There were some dark times,” admitted Maggie. “Anybody who takes a bus in Suffolk and tells you they haven’t thought about suicide is lying.”

Maggie’s epic voyage has proved an inspiration to the people of her home town, as Felixstowe resident Lorraine Fisher, 34, admitted. “She’s a great role model. Young people in Suffolk will look up to Maggie and realise that, one day, if they work hard and are prepared to make sacrifices, they can take a bus journey too.”

But fellow resident John Mortimer, 62, was less enthusiastic. “I don’t agree with taxpayers’ money being wasted on free bus trips for adventurers. What if she had become stranded and had to be rescued?”

The story also made headlines in Essex, where reports claim Maggie’s journey has finally proved that Suffolk is round.

Meanwhile, here’s a bonus for you…

Imposter Queen reportedly won crown in 1946 poker game

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Imposter Queen reportedly won crown in 1946 poker game
Photo by Jean Carlo Emer on Unsplash

The British Royal Family has been rocked after revelations that the Queen is not who she claims to be. This bombshell came about following a security breach at the MI6 New Years party, where one of the senior spies reportedly forgot to close the gate.  

Among the twelve tonnes of stolen material were various documents and video footage of the woman we now know as the Queen, winning her crown from the former Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor with a pair of 8’s.

While the Royal Family has been quick to speak against these ‘malicious untruths’, longstanding friends of the Queen have noted this development ‘makes a lot of sense’.

Even since the end of WW2, the formerly calm and collected queen was increasingly rambunctious. This was marked by a rapid shift of interests, such as her recent turn towards modern online casinos.

Unbeknownst to the public, the fake Queen has enjoyed a long and successful history of gambling, noting her recent passion at games like baccarat, blackjack, and the roulette table from Paddy Power, to name a few. Here she is reported to play the days away on the variety of different tables, as she waits for the cover of darkness to escape the palace grounds.

An unnamed insider remarked that this was one of her few technological-driven passions, as Her Majesty has otherwise turned to more mechanical thrills.

Retired Butler of the Queen, Geoffrey Duncedom, now breaking his silence, has reported that she spent a long stint as one of London’s premier illegal street drift racers, operating under the name Burnout Betty.

Still, it is her propensity for victorious gambling which has made the fake Queen a legend within the whispers of Windsor’s hallowed halls. While not verified, there are reports that, due to her prowess, England technically owns twelve US states, half of Denmark, the Loch Ness Monster (should it exist), and whatever is found at the bottom of the Baltic Sea.

While we have our team rapidly searching over the collection of data collected from the MI6 leak, questions remain as to what happened to the old Queen.

We did manage to track down a woman in Newmarket who fit the profile, but the woman assured us all that she was devoid of royal blood. She also remarked that were she to bet her entire life on a hand of poker, she would not have done so unless she really wanted to lose.

As it now stands, indications are that the current Queen is becoming increasingly cavalier in her attitude towards expressing her interests and passions.

Having asked for a top of the line computer to play her online casino games, many of her advisors are warning against playing into public fears about her true identity.

Bold reporters even managed to invade the recent knighting of Sir Sam Mendes, interrupting her directly to shout that they had proof of the Queens royal façade. Escorted out, they were last heard screaming that she ‘wouldn’t get away with this’.

In response, the Queen only offered her wry smile, and the words: “Do you wanna bet?”.

Prince Harry to run for President of the United States

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Prince Harry to run for President of the United States
Prince Harry and meghan
Whitehouse ahead: Prince Harry and Meghan (Photo: Mark Jones, CC 2.0)

By Jane Seymour, Royal Editor

Prince Harry has sensationally quit the Royal Family so he can run for President of the United States, it has emerged.

The Prince made a surprise announcement tonight that he and his wife were stepping back from senior Royal duties to spend more time in North America.

But the Suffolk Gazette can reveal the real reason is so the couple can switch from one country’s ruling family to head another.

Friends of Harry told us: “Harry and Meghan, like many in her own country of America, want to be rid of Donald Trump.

“Harry has taken the giant step of quitting the Royal Family so he can apply for American citizenship. He will then join the Democrats and run for President in November this year.

“If successful, he will be known as President Wales, and he has already told us he can’t wait to be invited to Britain for a state banquet at Buckingham Palace in his honour.”

Many political observers in the US believe Harry will be a strong favourite to win power in the White House.

He will be the most British President to take office since Mr Trump, whose mother was Scottish.

Some Republicans are furious. Senior Trump aid Lorraine Fisher, 34, told us: “This is simply an underhand trick by the Brits to retake control of the United States.

“Expect Harry’s citizenship application to be refused out of hand.”

Elderly school caretaker dyed kids blue

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Elderly school caretaker dyed kids blue

Britain’s oldest school caretaker has been suspended after accidentally dyeing a whole class of young children blue.

Norman Fletcher, 87, who staff feared had been getting increasingly “doddery”, got chemicals for the Little Brimmer Primary School swimming pool mixed up with powdered blue paint.

Far from making the indoor pool water cleaner, his mistake turned it into a huge paint pot.

And when the class of excited eight-year-old kids jumped in for their afternoon swimming lesson, they surfaced looking like a group of startled smurfs.

They were immediately hauled out of the water, but the colour would not rinse off in the showers.

As a precaution, the children were taken to the Little Brimmer Medical Centre, where the receptionist annoyed teachers by asking: “Where are you all coming from?”

Doctors said nobody’s health was at risk, and worried parents were told the paint should fade away before Easter.

A sign at the school gates warns the swimming pool will be closed for the foreseeable future.

little-brimmer-primary-school

Mum Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We all like Mr Fletcher. The old boy has been part of school life here for over 60 years, but we feel the work is getting a bit too much for him.

“My daughter thinks it’s funny being blue, and she’ll certainly looks a little odd over the next few weeks, but it could have been worse.

“What if Mr Fletcher had got rat poison mixed up instead of paint? At least the worst of it now is the kids look like smurfs.”

Headmaster James Peat said in a statement: “We are taking this very seriously, and Mr Fletcher has been suspended pending further inquiries.

“He has served the school loyally, and we know he loves his job, but at 87 years old it is probably time for him to hang up his mop.”

Mr Fletcher, who had mistaken the paint for chemicals when he visited Little Brimmer’s local shop to stock up on school supplies, was too upset to talk to the Suffolk Gazette.

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