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Idiots whining that Boris Johnson had coronavirus test now being tested to see if they have a brain
People on social media asking why Boris Johnson managed to have a coronavirus test are themselves now being tested to see if they have a brain.
The Prime Minister announced today he has fallen ill with mild symptoms and has tested positive for Covid-19.
But numpties on Twitter, so desperate to do a spot of virtue signaling, cried foul, saying he should not have been tested before NHS staff.
Well, here’s something that may come as a shock to those people – it’s because HE IS RUNNING THE F&C*ING COUNTRY.
Intelligence expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “The outpouring of faux outrage from some people on social media is extraordinary.
“We are concerned about them so will now be testing them – to see if they have a brain in their heads.”
Norfolk people hoarding lightbulbs in case of power cuts
The residents of Norfolk have been panic buying lightbulbs in case there are power cuts.
Shops across the rural backwater county are running short of bulbs as the hoarding continues.
Electricity sector spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Most of Norfolk isn’t even connected to the grid.
“This probably explains why so many people there don’t quite understand how power cuts work.
“Goodness knows what they’ll do with their cupboards-full of light bulbs.”
Dereham vicar the Rev Evan Elpuss said he had been praying for his flock’s souls.
“This lightbulb panic buying shows many are beyond help. Most of them still use candles anyway as they don’t believe in electickery.”
The 5pm Suffolk Gazette joke to keep your spirits up
I used to be addicted to swimming.
But I’m proud to say I’ve been dry for five years.
That’s all, folks! The editor has lost the will to live and will not be doing any more jokes today. You can show your appreciation by buying him a pint.
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The 4.30pm Suffolk Gazette joke to keep your spirits up
I came up with a new word yesterday.
Plagiarism.
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The 4pm Suffolk Gazette joke to keep your spirits up
To whoever stole my Microsoft Office software account, I will come after you.
You have my Word.
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The 3.30pm Suffolk Gazette joke to keep your spirits up
I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?”
He said: “How flexible are you?”
I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
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The 3pm Suffolk Gazette joke to keep your spirits up
A neighbour of mine is entering the world’s tightest hat competition.
I just hope he can pull it off.
Get your next joke in 30 minutes! They may not be the best jokes, but we have to get through the lockdown somehow.
Today’s other jokes here: 8.30am | 9am | 9.30am | 10am |10.30am | 11am | 11.30am | Noon | 12.30pm | 1pm | 1.30pm | 2pm | 2.30pm | 3.30pm | 4pm | 4.30pm | 5pm