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Woman smashes Suffolk Three Peaks Challenge record

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Suffolk Three Peaks Challenge
Fitness fanatic Claire Johnson has smashed the record time taken to complete the gruelling Suffolk Three Peaks Challenge.

Recognised as one of the toughest endurance events of its kind in the UK, the Suffolk Three Peaks sees athletes trying to climb the county’s three biggest hills inside just 24 hours.

It is right up there with the national Three Peaks Challenge of climbing Ben Nevis, Snowdon and Scafell Pike in a day, and easily tops the Yorkshire Three Peaks for difficulty and technical challenge.

Marketing executive Claire, 23, travelled from Epsom in Surrey to give the notorious Suffolk Three Peaks Challenge a go – and wiped eight minutes off the record with her time of one hour and six minutes.

The keen runner and cyclist began at the customary first hurdle – Bent Hill in Felixstowe. The dangerously steep road, which connects the seafront to the town centre, took her a lung-busting one-minute walk.

At the top, where the air is thin, she was met by her support vehicle and driven the 12 miles to Ipswich to tackle the second peak, Bishop’s Hill, which rises from the Waterfront area to East Ipswich. Despite doing Bent Hill just 20 minutes earlier, she romped up Bishop’s Hill in just three minutes without so much as a brief sit down.

Finally, Claire was whizzed off to Semer, near Hadleigh, where she completed the dangerous Watson’s Hill, which is ridiculous long at around 0.5 miles and climbs for a mind-boggling 92 feet.

Yet she finished it in only four and a half minutes, therefore completing the whole Suffolk Three Peaks Challenge, including road travel between the hills, in one hour and eight minutes, beating previous record holder Lorraine Fisher, 34.

Semer HillHeight of stupidity: Only experienced climbers tackle Semer Hill
Suffolk is notorious for its rolling hills, peppered with mountainous terrain like the three hills featured in the peaks challenge.

The event attracts tens of thousands of participants each year, of all ages and fitness abilities, and keeps the Suffolk Mountain Rescue Service busy during weekends and holidays.

Luke Garbutt might leave Everton because Ipswich are holding talks

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Luke Garbutt seems to have impressed a lot of people at Ipswich Town. He was on a loan transfer from the Everton team but by the looks of things, he has left quite a big impact. Some even believe that he might end up leaving Goodison Park. Garbutt is out of his contract during the summer and he has not been competitive for the team for quite some time. He has scored five goals ever since he arrived at Ipswich and he was on a loan deal for an entire season. Could something big be about to happen in the world of football?

Appearances

After making a total of 14 appearances in all competitions, Lee O’Neill, who is the GM of football operations at Ipswich, has been in touch with Everton about the future and he has stated that it’s possible that a deal could be conducted as soon as January. Lee is talking to Everton already because it would appear that Luke has done a fantastic job. He has scored five goals from left-back. This is a great position for the team to be in. If you want to bet on the team, you’ll find that there are plenty of online bets on NetBet.

Contributing to the Team

The team are all-in-all, very happy with his contribution since he’s been with them. Some believe that a signing in January could be entirely possible because Luke loves playing there and he really thrives when he’s in front of a big crowd. This is especially the case when you look at the kind of crowd that the team draw out every single week. If he does end up going to the team then it’s entirely possible that they might depend on him more and this might even change the course of the team overall.

Could this be a permanent switch?

Garbutt was asked how he feels about the idea of a permanent switch.  Garbutt then replied saying that he really is enjoying his time with the team and that the move so far has been really good for him. He looks to be thriving and he’s certainly playing better as well. Garbutt was asked about his level of motivation, saying that he loves the game and that he wants to do everything he can to contribute to the team. He wants to make sure that he wins as much as possible and he also wants to make sure that he stays in top form at all times. Of course, this will be easier said than done, but so far things look to be working out very nicely for him. Some might even say that he’s in a better position now than ever before. Only time will tell if he ends up excelling past his previous record but so far, things look to be going well.

Top football rumours – there could be some interesting moves coming up

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Frank Lampard’s Chelsea love their new players, and it’s safe to say that they have shone this season. The problem is that splashing the cash is within the club’s DNA, but by the looks of things, they have been denied the pleasure of spending because of their transfer ban.

The main thing that they are doing right now is sizing up their targets so that they can be ready when they are able to hit the shops again in January. One of the people that they could be eyeing up is Timo Werner. He has a goal tally of 16 out of 15 matches. Another option could be Lyon’s Moussa Dembélé. He might be able to be tempted out of the Eurozone so that he can make his return to west London. He performed with Fulham before he moved on over to Celtic.

Sheffield United

Sheffield United really want to add Mason Holgate to their free-flowing team. They might be facing competition from Bournemouth and Newcastle as the player is valued at £14m. A lot of it may depend on the next manager who would be at Goodison Park. There is a chance that this could end up being Carlo Ancelotti. If you love football and want to play some great football games then you’ll be glad to know that the NetBet website has plenty of them to choose from.

Real Madrid are Stepping up their Interest in Camavinga

By the looks of things, Real Madrid look to be stepping up the level of interest that they have in Eduardo Camavinga. He’s 17 years old and some people have even called him a wonderkid in the past. He’s a midfielder and when you look at his history, you will soon find that he has done some great things for the French side. Even L’Equipe has reported that Madrid intend to put a bid in for him. Sure, Rennes might hold out for a hefty wedge but this isn’t going to deter Florentino Perez at all.

Of course, it’s entirely possible that Swindon are going to be trying to fend off bids for Steven Benda after Christmas. He’s a goalkeeper but some believe that he has a great deal of potential. Sam McCallum is also one to keep an eye out for. He’s a Coventry defender and he’s also 19 years old. When you look into his history, you will soon see that he’s a graduate of the Jamie Vardy Academy, but he also has links with West Brom, Leeds, Aston Villa and more. Of course, Leicester look to have hit the race and they are trying to score Hull’s winger, Jarrod Bowen.  If this happens then this could propel the team while also giving them an edge overall.

So, there really are so many potential moves that could be taking place and when you look at how things have unfolded so far, it’s safe to say that there could be some interesting movements.

MPs dress up as Father Christmas for festive Queen Speech

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By Jane Seymour, Royal Editor

MPs were in celebratory festive mood for today’s Queen’s Speech, dressing up as Father Christmas in the House of Commons.

The normally green benches of Parliament were turned red as MPs, many of them only elected for the first time last week, prepared for the unusual December ceremony.

Authorities had stated this Queen’s Speech – the second in two months – would be less formal than usual.

Keen to capture the public mood just days before Christmas, MPs from all sides of the house agreed to dress up as Santa Claus.

MP for Suffolk East Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It was a bit of festive fun, and Her Majesty saw the funny side.

“Prince Charles even dressed up as an elf.”

Even Prime Minister Boris Johnson wore a Santa outfit. Unfortunately, Jeremy Corbyn didn’t join in.

“He is known as Mr Scrooge at this time of year,” lamented Ms Fisher, 34.

Village idiots fear rise in anti-stupidism

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village idiot convention
Harmless: village idiots say they are under attack

Village idiots are living in fear following a sharp rise in anti-stupidic incidents across the country, it has emerged.

While stupidity had become more accepted in recent years, there is now evidence of an increase in negative sentiment against the intellectually challenged.

While public mocking has not yet become commonplace, more people now feel comfortable expressing anti-stupidic opinions.

However, it is still not socially acceptable or politically correct to express anti-stupidic points of view.

Labour MP Emily Thornberry was even forced to issue a denial this week following accusations that she called a large section of the electorate “stupid”.

Asked if she secretly harbours anti-stupidic views, she replied: “That’s so not true, I love stupid people just as much as intelligent people. Don’t ask me stupid questions!”

However, Norfolk chief village idiot Bubba Spuckler is not convinced.

He said: “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have our best interests at heart, she failed to show up at our annual convention again this year, despite our best efforts to invite her. We sent her one of our special invitation letters in August, written in chocolate ink.”

He warned that if anti-stupidism continues to rise, it could spell the end of the centuries-old village idiot lifestyle that has prospered throughout the UK “for at least the last 20 years or so”.

“Many idiots have already chosen to go into hiding (some in fridges) and many more could easily follow. We really don’t know what the future holds for us,” he said.

Professional pub drinkers call for amateur Christmas drinkers ban

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Part-time Christmas drinkers
Amateur drinkers getting in everyone else’s way

Pot-bellied professional drinkers have demanded that part-time Christmas drinkers be banned from pubs because they haven’t got a clue what they’re doing.

“They know nothing about pub etiquette,” complained Steve Walshe from his regular seat at the corner of the bar in the Partridge and Whistle.

“For two weeks a year, they come in without a clue about how to order at the bar, where to stand or how to behave in general.

“Worse still, they can’t handle their booze and are roaring drunk after ten minutes, making a spectacle of themselves and becoming even more boorish.

“They should be banned, or at the least only allowed in between 3pm and 4pm on a weekday.”

Barmaid Lorraine Fisher, 34, added: “Once-a-year Christmas drinkers are uneducated in the well-established art of pub drinking.

“Being asked to pour 15 glasses of Prosecco, three red wines, eight pints of lager and 10 Sambucas by a drunk woman from accounts while poor regular Clive is waiting for another pint of bitter is not fair.

“And these amateurs are always the first to throw up in the toilets.”

eBay lists thousands of used Social Media Echo Chambers for sale

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social media echo chamber
A Facebook user testing his Social Media Echo Chamber

Online auction site eBay has become inundated with listings for used Social Media Echo Chambers (SMECs).

The SMECs have all been switched on pretty much 24/7 since the general election was called.

But now it seems they have run their course.

Despite claims the vast majority appear to lean a little to the left and that they do no work, the owners are hoping to cash in while they can.

Facebook and Twitter user Lorraine Fisher, 34, has used her SMEC relentlessly for weeks now.

“I really believed it was working well because lots of people were liking or replying to my messages of political wisdom.

“However, it now seems those people were simply of the same political persuasion as me, and my eternal lecturing made no difference at all to the political landscape.

“This has come as a complete shock because I am entitled to be right and everyone else is uneducated.

“But I am now determined to sell my Social Media Echo Chamber because I need the money.

“I’m not going to get any from Jeremy Corbyn’s magic money tree, after all.”

eBay executive Adrian Day said: “We’ve currently got thousands of the things listed. There’s no way we will shift them now.”

Remainers insist opinion has shifted already and demand second general election vote

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house of commons

Vocal remainers say voters who swept the Conservatives to victory last night were misinformed, have changed their mind already and now deserve a second election vote.

Angry remainer Lorraine Fisher, 34, who spent recent years preaching in a social media echo chamber, claims it is only fair that a second vote is held.

She refuses to accept that the majority view is opposite to her own, and thinks Brexit will ruin the country even though, for a second time, the public has shown it wants to get it done.

“I am right and I am entitled to lecture everyone else on social media, 24/7. Everyone else is ignorant, uneducated and misinformed, making last night’s vote morally wrong.

“There must, therefore, be a second vote, and a third one if that one goes tits up, too.”

Stop Brexit megaphone man Steve Bray is now set to shout at everyone for months outside Parliament, screaming: “Stop democracy” over every TV news interview.

Megaphone bore Steve Bray

Remainers shocked that the Suffolk Gazette has the audacity to publish this story are advised they can get all the anti-democratic “satire” they want on NewsThump, The Daily Mash, and the Rochdale Herald.