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Everyone booking April 12th off work all of a sudden

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pub garden

Britain is booking Monday, April 12th off work so that it can go to the pub.

Boris Johnson today sounded the starting gun for one of the country’s biggest-ever piss-ups.

As he revealed the roadmap for the exit from lockdown, he revealed pubs could open from April 12th.

Everybody was delighted – before realising that is a Monday.

HR manager Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Clearly everyone realised they would need to take the day off to enjoy the first day back in the pub.

“We have 50 people working in our Ipswich office, and 44 of them have already been in touch this afternoon to try and book Monday, April 12th off.

“At this rate we will have to have some sort of shift system.”

Pubs are looking forward to finally serving punters again, even if it is outdoors only.

“We don’t care if it’s unseasonably cold or peeing down with rain, we shall be sitting out there for hours,” explained boozer Steve Walshe, 43.

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Where’s Marcus? New puzzle for Ipswich fans

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Where's Marcus?
Can you find Marcus?

Ipswich Town fans are invited to play a brand new puzzle game called Where’s Marcus?

The exciting new game, developed by the Suffolk Gazette, sees fans trying to spot the owner of their football club.

Despite Ipswich being in freefall, in its worst position for more than 60 years, the club owner is nowhere to be seen.

Can you help out by spotting Marcus in our exclusive Where’s Marcus puzzles?

Wearing his familiar bobble hat and striped shirt, our chum is hidden in a sea of faces. But can you find him?

Play along with some of our puzzle images below….

Puzzle developer Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “These are dark days for Ipswich Town fans. Players are in rebellion, getting sent off, have referees squaring up to them, cannot win a football match, have fans protesting and setting fire to the training ground – and have a manager who is seemingly taking the team to oblivion.

“Yet despite it all, Marcus Evans is nowhere to be seen. Any other owner would have sacked his underperforming manager by now – especially as Paul Lambert basically threw Evans under a bus this week.

“So all Ipswich fans want to know now is, where is Marcus?”

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Alan Judge turns up for training this morning

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Alan Judge training with boxing gloves
Alan Judge ready for training today

Ipswich forward Alan Judge is pictured turning up for training with boxing gloves today after last night’s bout with referee Darren Drysdale.

In an extraordinary moment at Portman Road, match official Drysdale appeared to square up to Judge and thrust his head aggressively towards the player’s face.

Irishman Judge decided he was going to take no chances today and turned up to training wearing a large pair of boxing gloves.

The Suffolk Gazette had a photographer hiding behind a hedge outside the training ground to capture the moment (not a hedge recently burned down by protesting fans).

Ipswich Town press spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “With Ipswich at a historic low, Alan has decided he might have more success as a fighter at the moment.

“He has asked manager Paul Lambert to install a boxing ring at the training centre so he can hone his new skills.”

The Drysdale-Judge square-up was the only moment of any interest in last night’s pathetic 0-0 draw at home to Northampton Town, who Ipswich have not had to play in the league since 1966!

You can watch the incident here…

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Ipswich fans flare protest: police looking for man impersonating a manager

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Police called to the Ipswich Town training ground after protesting fans set off flares say they are looking for a man seen impersonating a football manager.

Blue flares were lobbed over a fence as members of the ITFC Blue Action group chanted for Paul Lambert’s dismissal.

But the flares set light to some netting and signs, causing something of a kerfuffle, at which point police were called.

Inspector Plod did not manage to catch any of the fans who had long since legged it.

They did, however, receive reports of a man pretending to be a football manager.

Sergeant Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We were informed that a man with a strong Scottish accent has been impersonating a football manager.

“There are allegations he is taking hundreds of thousands of pounds under false pretences.

“Given Ipswich Town’s form over the past 12 months or so, there can be no doubt that something fishy is going on.

“We fear the real Ipswich Town football manager may be locked in a cupboard somewhere.”

Ipswich fans are desperate for Lambert to leave Portman Road, with the club in its lowest league position since 1953.

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Cheltenham’s biggest ever payouts

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Every year, horse racing fans and punters alike gather at the Cheltenham races to try their luck.

During the event in Gloucestershire, huge sums of money are usually wagered. Jockeys and owners are the ones who usually profit most from these events. However, there have been cases where those placing the wagers have profited significantly.

As well as placing live bets at the races, those who wish to place wagers are also able to use online betting sites like www.OLBG.com to get advice on which bookies to bet with and discover the latest tips. With racing predictions available for over 150 racecourses, it’s no surprise that those betting on the Cheltenham races are coming away with more than they bargained for.

So how much exactly are people profiting? Let’s take a look at the biggest ever payouts for the Cheltenham races.

2019 – punter wins £182,567 from £2 bet

In 2019, one lucky punter came away with far more than they could have dreamed of when they placed a £2 bet on one horse in each day’s race. As a once a year gambler, the individual, who requested not to be named, had placed a bet on the on-course tote placepot.

The winnings you can get from the placepot depends on how many punters enter the pool, in which the prize draw is then split. On this day, there was a total prize pool of £900,000 and just 11 winning entities to share it out between. The winning payout of £182,567.80 was a few hundred pounds shy of making history for the biggest payout at the event ever.

The lucky individual commented that he had been betting on the Cheltenham races for years and usually only won a couple of pounds here and there. When asked what he would be doing with the winnings, he commented that it would be helping his daughter who is beginning university, as well as upgrading his son to first class on his upcoming holiday.

2020 – Cheltenham punter wins £2,625 on a £5 bet at festival

While it’s not such a huge win compared to 2019’s set of events, last year, another lucky winner, Tom,  won over £2k after placing just £5. The 27-year-old had waited until the second from last race to try his luck, placing bets on Samcro. He had previously placed bets on Ferny Hollow and Sir Alex Ferguson’s horse Clan Des Obeaux at 4/1.

When asked how Tom was going to celebrate, he commented that he would be using the money to place more bets. But not before using some of it to celebrate that evening with a lot of Guinness! Tom commented that it wasn’t the largest bet he had ever won but it was the biggest price.

If you’re looking for sources to find tips for placing bets, Tom has recommended AllManKind.

2017 – prize money boosted to record £4.3 million

This one isn’t technically a win but it’s worth an acknowledgement as back in 2017, the prize money for Cheltenham races was increased up to a record £4.3 million. This eye watering amount was an increase of £190,000 for the four-day event. As a result, individual prize money was boosted from £25k to £75k, with the RSA Chase being increased by the same amount too.

The National Hunt Chase increased during this year from £1k to a huge £120 and also became Grade 2 listed for the first time since being registered as a race. In addition, 18 other races received a cash prize increase of £5k.

The only races that did not receive a cash injection this day were the four most famous races of the event.

Why have the Cheltenham races become so big?

While it’s clear that UK punters are spoilt for choice when it comes to their share of horse racing events to bet on, the Cheltenham races is the most prestigious event that takes place during the year. With some of the best known and most classic races, the blue riband event is known to bring out some of the world’s best racehorses.

Not only that, the event brings about some of the best training talent there is. While The Grand National holds a place near and dear to many punters’ hearts in the UK, Cheltenham’s stand out races create a record number of opportunities for punters to place their bets, making the event immensely popular.

Overall, the 5 featured race event is one that goes down in British history for rounding a huge amount of success, not only on the racetracks but with punters too. Time will only tell if the pay-outs will get even bigger as the event grows.

Morris dancer caught burgling house

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Morris dancers
Morris dancers in familiar action

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

A morris dancer was jailed for six months today after admitting to breaking into a house near Ipswich.

Steve Walshe, 43, was desperate for cash after losing all his morris dancing gigs during the lockdown.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, prosecuting at Ipswich Crown Court, said: “He decided to break into a house at Hasketon, and used his morris dancing stick to force open a kitchen window.

“Unfortunately for him, as he was going through the kitchen and living room, his bells made such a racket that they woke up the homeowner.

“The owner went downstairs and found Walshe going through his desk. Walshe attempted to hit him with his stick but he tripped over the cat. The victim tied Walshe’s hands up with his dressing gown cord and detained him until police arrived.”

Walshe, who was defending himself in court, said: “I don’t want to make a song and dance about it but I was desperate for some money.

“There is no morris dancing work at the moment. Times are very hard.

“Unfortunately, I am not a very good criminal and should’ve removed the bells from my trousers before breaking into the house.”

Judge Jeremy Smythe said: “Many people think morris dancing is criminal anyway. But you really did take the law into your own hands.

“Being short of money is no excuse, and for this offence you will go to prison for six months. You would be advised not to tell any other inmates that you are a morris dancer, or they might beat seven bells out of you.”

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Cheltenham Festival to introduce floating fences?

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The Cheltenham Festival is the biggest meeting of the year in horse racing as for four days, the best horses in the sport compete across 28 races.

In order to add a bit of extra spice to the meeting this year, there are rumours organisers may be thinking about trying to add something different to the event. Here are a few things that could be trialled in 2021.

New look Gold Cup?

The biggest race of the week at the Festival is the Cheltenham Gold Cup. It is considered to be the Blue Riband event in the sport and as you can see from the Gold Cup results, it has been won by some of the all-time greats, including Arkle and Kauto Star, and current heroes like Al Boum Photo are at the forefront of the favourites already.

What if Cheltenham opted to make the race a cross between hurdles and fences, with a combination of the two types of obstacles. This may attract some of the best hurdlers to the contest in what would be a fascinating watch.

The winner would be regarded as the most versatile winner of the Gold Cup in history. It could also help crown the best horse in National Hunt racing right now.

Cross Country Chase like never seen before

The most unique race of the week at the Cheltenham Festival is the Cross Country Chase. Horses jump all kinds of different obstacles, including a log, water and an open ditch. Maybe this year, these obstacles can be even more exciting.

Some of the fences could be made from balloons. This would allow the shape to be defined into exciting designs, including a Christmas tree, sheep and paddling pool filled with water.

This race has been won twice by the dual Grand National winner Tiger Roll. It would be captivating to see the 11-year-old take on a new look course this year.

Bring back the Charity Race

Unfortunately, the charity race at Cheltenham no longer exists. It would be great to bring this back and invite some really interesting celebrities to take part.

You could have some real fan favourites such as David Beckham, Elton John and Jonathan Ross, alongside pantomime villains like Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell. The crowd would really get into it and it would attract a whole new audience to the Festival.

Camel racing

Ok, hear us out on this one. Camel racing might be something you would be more familiar with seeing in a desert of an exotic country, however, if Cheltenham really wanted to make a splash this year, this would do it.

They wouldn’t need the camels to jump any obstacles, as that might be too much to ask. However, a race in the home straight in front of the grandstand would be some spectacle.

If the weather is chilly, the camels could even be kitted out in different coloured silks and with name tags such as Cammy Star or Red Hump.

With all the above worked into the schedule, this year’s Cheltenham Festival could be the best of all time. It certainly would not lack any drama!

Getting a custom number plate with Swiftreg

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Registering a custom number plate can be tricky if you are not sure exactly where to look, especially since a lot of combinations are already taken.

Companies like swiftreg.co.uk are a great option for people who want the complete package all at once, but how do you legally change your number plate?

Understanding number plates

Number Plates are a unique identifier, and that means that you can’t have another person’s number plate as your own if you are both registered in the same country. If somebody already has “MARK,” then you can’t have “MARK” for yourself in that exact combination.

To get around that, a lot of number plates are quite creative, mixing in numbers to replace certain letters or adding extra letters to make sure that the registration is unique. As long as a number plate is not taken, you can usually buy it for yourself, unless it is somehow reserved for a very specific vehicle or owner.

Getting a new number plate costs money since your car is being re-registered to suit that new number plate. The plate has to match your registry, so you could not have a single vehicle with two different vanity number plates.

How much do they cost?

Number plates are not a set price – they are priced based on how desirable they are. This can seem odd, but it all makes sense when you consider how valuable certain plates can be. For example, a plate that is literally just an existing name (like the MARK example above) can cost a lot of money because it is a very desirable thing to have. 

The same happens for any desirable combination of letters and numbers, whether they are song references, number plates of fictional cars in popular media, names, places, or even descriptive words. The more recognizable a vanity plate is, the more it will cost you in the long-run, especially if you are not substituting any numbers or letters.

Custom number plates do not have to follow the same seven-digit limit as most other cars, and you can often get custom plates that go below seven. However, this can also increase the cost, especially when you are at three digits or below. A single-digit plate can be incredibly hard to acquire since they are all taken and priced very highly.

Getting a new plate

With companies like swiftreg.co.uk, a lot of the process is handled by experts. This means that you are not forced to try and get the plate yourself, which could take a lot of phone calls and plenty of awkward money transfers to handle. But how does the process actually work, and what do you need to do?

Identify the plate that you want

It always helps to start out with an idea of the kind of plate that you are looking for. Even if that exact plate is taken, it means that you have something to work with, and you can start replacing or adding digits to find a suitable alternative option.

Remember that some plates may be completely taken, especially ones that only use a few digits. It also helps to keep the price in mind since more direct plates (such as names with no alterations) are going to be expensive even if they are not already taken.

Find the plate

You can look on the Swiftreg site to see which ones are available, as well as the price that they are being offered for. Note that some plates may not be transferrable to vehicles registered before a certain time since there are still legal quirks involved in how a plate can actually work and what it has to represent.

Once that is done, you are able to just buy the plate, either for yourself or as a gift. It is no different from buying anything else online, although you will still need to get the car properly re-registered. You can also choose whether you want physical plates to be included in your order.

Enjoy your plate

Whether you pay it off all at once or follow a finance arrangement, there is not much stopping you from having your plate installed. You are able to get more options for how the service is handled and how the plates are delivered, but once you own them, you should be able to use them straight away.

Just make sure that your car is properly registered. If your plates do not match, then you could get in a lot of trouble, even if you technically own them but have not registered the car properly yet.