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BBC to ban national anthem

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The Queen of England

The BBC is dropping God Save The Queen from its schedules because of its patriotic, jingoistic meaning, it has emerged.

After causing an outcry by suggesting Rule Britannia and Land of Hope and Glory would be axed on the Last Night of the Proms, the BBC is now gunning for the National Anthem.

Bosses point to the savage meaning of the lyrics, especially those in the latter verses.

And they say the whole concept of the British Monarchy is outdated anyway.

BBC insider Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We need a replacement for the national anthem that is less controversial.

“Something like Vindaloo by Fat Les would be brilliant.

“The second verse of God Save the Queen is troublesome. It states, ‘O Lord, our God, arise. Scatter thine enemies, and make them fall. Confound their politics’.

“This does not reflect other religions in the modern UK and clearly goes against free debate of politics.”

(ISC²) CISSP exam: important information and crucial practice tests

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Delving into the information security industry is a promising career but the one that requires painstaking effort.

The Certified Information Systems Security Professional (CISSP) is one of the world’s premier cybersecurity certifications. Created by the International Information Systems Security Certification Consortium (ISC²), the CISSP aims to promote a first-class cybersecurity program by training competent security practitioners, managers, and executives.

Earning this credential authenticates your capability in designing, implementing, and deploying security systems and protocols. With this badge, you will also automatically become a member of the renowned (ISC)², which presents you with even more information.

Become next in-demand security professional!

Turn your interest in security practices and principles into a fulfilling vocation in securing a safe cyber world. By taking the CISSP exam, opportunities will come knocking at your door sooner or later. However, this elite certification and its associated test are certainly not just a walk in the park. From exam preparation to certification acquisition, your training is rigorous and continuous. You have to keep your skills sharp with best practices and knowledge updated with the latest trends. To do that, check out these tips to prepare for the first step, which is passing your ISC CISSP Dumps :

  • Earn your experience first

It is recommended that you have at least 5 years of work experience in two or more of the (ISC)² information security domains. However, these two domains are just a fancy term for all the topics you need to master in your CISSP test. Overall, there are 8 topics that the CISSP assessment will evaluate you on, the full list of which can be found of the official vendor’s website. Still, here’s a catch. You can still take the CISSP exam even without a 5-year experience, although this will entitle you with the Associate of (ISC²) designation. This designation will only be converted to the CISSP Certification once you have completed the professional experience required.

  • Train your expertise among the 8 CISSP domains

If you already have some prior experience dealing with information security, your exam preparation might not be as hard as you may think. But still, you need to thoroughly review and update your knowledge of all the 8 topics of the CISSP assessment by answering practice tests and/or enrolling in-classroom courses. For those who will be taking the CISSP anew, the first task to do is to read the entire ISC Courses by John Warsinske and others. Then acquire as many exam resources as possible and study them diligently, from the best textbooks to official study guides, and official and unofficial practice tests.

  • Answer test questions like a real security professional

Finally, try to be confident during your ExamCollection . And if you even don’t know the answer to any exam question, try to think logically and provide an answer anyway. Believing in yourself and the skills you have acquired during your exam prep will definitely increase your chances of passing this test with flying colors.

Conclusion

The Exam Labs CISSP is one of the most valued information security credentials. This badge will certainly pump up your career towards a promising future. Enrich your experience and help secure the cyber world by earning this accreditation. Take advantage of practice tests to perform better in your CISSP exam and your real-world tasks.

Boris Johnson resumes holiday in Kim Jong-un’s Suffolk coast caravan

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Boris Johnson’s holiday home view

Boris Johnson has begun the second half of his UK staycation holiday – in a coastal caravan belonging to Kim Jong-un.

After a few days away in a remote Scottish headland, Mr Johnson and his partner Carrie, together with baby Wilf, are now enjoying the Suffolk coast.

The Suffolk Gazette has agreed to keep the exact location a secret for security reasons, but we understand it is the same caravan favoured by Mr Jong-un.

Local resident Lorraine Fisher, 34, spotted Mr Johnson walking along the beach near Sizewell earlier today.

“He seemed to be having a lovely time, and Wilf was enjoying being dipped in the sea close to Sizewell B Nuclear Power Station.

“The Prime Minister will clearly have a quiet his few days on the Suffolk coast, where there are not all those nasty Scottish midges. And I don’t mean Nicola Sturgeon.”

Mr Jong-un famously purchased his caravan near Sizewell in 2015 after falling in love with the area during a hush-hush visit to the power station.

It has been used by several international dignitaries since as part of North Korea’s renewed diplomatic efforts. Mr Jong-un visited Aldeburgh, went boating in Thorpeness and enjoyed an Adnams brewery tour in nearby Southwold.

It is not clear if the Johnson party will do the same.

The 38-foot Horizon Cavalier static caravan comes complete with three bedrooms, a family shower room, separate loo, central heating and double glazing.

Mr Johnson can spend hours gazing directly out to the North Sea, trying not to think about evil Europe beyond.

Funny mugs for you

Buy a funny mug for you, or as a gift. The Suffolk Gazette’s partner, Dirty Old Goat has many to choose from, like those below – or visit the goat website.

Buy the official 2020 Review Mug

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The Suffolk Gazette today releases Britain’s official 2020 Review Mug, a must-have for every home.

Buy for yourself or a friend, so at least they have something to smile about.

With a pandemic, the worst recession on record, political upheaval, Ipswich Town struggling in League One and goodness knows what else, 2020 could really only have a one-star review.

Click on the ‘Add to cart’ button below buy, or visit the Suffolk Gazette’s pottery partner Dirty Old Goat’s 2020 Review Mug page.

Suffolk Gazette mug marketing guru Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “One star is probably more than 2020 deserves. We would give it no stars if we could.

“Buy this mug to raise a smile in your own home, or as a gift to a friend or relative.

“You can even leave a gift note at the checkout to be included in the box.”

The Dirty Old Goat himself wrote a blog about producing the special 2020 review mug.

Profits from mug sales like this go straight into the Editor’s pocket so he can spend it on beer. At least you know it won’t be wasted.

Loch Ness Bonkster finally spotted in Scotland

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Loch Ness Bonkster spotted in Scotland at last (Photo: Lorraine McFisher, 34)

By Midge Cockburn, Scottish Reporter

The mythical Loch Ness Bonkster is in Scotland after all, our exclusive photograph shows.

Legendary for being hard to find when the going gets tough, the slippery beast was snapped in Loch Ness.

With Britain gripped in a pandemic, its worst-ever recession and an education results shambles, the legendary Bonkster claimed he was heading to Scotland on a camping trip. With his four-month-old son. Bliss.

But there has been no sign of him since, leading some commentators to speculate he was not in Scotland at all. They claim it is far more likely to be in Greece celebrating his father’s 80th birthday.

However, the Suffolk Gazette is the first newspaper to track the Loch Ness Bonkster down, with this exclusive photograph.

Our Scotland office staff photographer, Lorraine McFisher, 34, hid in bushes with a long lens by the loch, waiting for the legendary figure to emerge.

She waited four days, then finally at dusk yesterday, attracted by the decoy sound of a young lady cooing, the Bonkster emerged.

“It was an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime photograph,” she said.

“Everyone thought he wasn’t in Scotland at all and it was a ruse. But this photo proves he is there.”

However, despite the photographic evidence, some suggest it is a forgery and Ms McFisher has been duped. When the Bonkster does finally emerge back in Downing Street, everyone will be looking for a tell-tale tan. If he has any colour, then the whole Scottish thing was a ruse.

Get your early Christmas presents here

The Suffolk Gazette solves your Christmas shopping woes by presenting some mugs you can buy now and tick off your list. All mug sales support the future of the Suffolk Gazette, Britain’s premier factual newspaper.

Police Segways axed after officer crashes into Debenhams

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EXCLUSIVE
By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Police have scrapped their trial of using Segways for town centre patrols after an officer veered out of control and crashed into Debenhams.

Officers had become a familiar sight zooming around Ipswich chasing petty criminals, or simply directing traffic from a high vantage point.

But while they could get from A to B faster, particularly through the town’s huge pedestrianised zones, some beat officers could not get used to driving a Segway – and top brass began to fear for public safety.

The Suffolk Police Segways will be retired after accidents
Three people had been knocked over by police Segways in just three weeks, but the final straw came on Saturday when a constable was chasing an alleged shoplifter down Tavern Street.

“He was closing in on the suspect,” police spokesperson Sgt Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained, “but then he had to swerve suddenly to avoid an elderly lady on a mobility scooter.

Segway control

“Sadly, this caused the officer to lose control, and he veered left and went straight through the Debenhams shop window. Luckily he was unhurt, although he was highly embarrassed.

“The Segways have now been retired, and are clearly not the future of policing that we had hoped for.”

The Segways, which had a little flashing blue light and a high-pitched siren, had been loaned to police by a local business, and are now being returned.

Pokies and slot machines: are there any differences?

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You’re going to struggle to find any Australian gambling aficionado who hasn’t played pokies. So if you’re interested in the etymology of the expression and the differences between pokies and slot machines, just read on to find out more!

Do Pokies and Slot Machines Differ?

If you have ever been to a gambling venue outside of Australia or engaged in gambling at an online casino that operates abroad, you might have noticed that they didn’t offer pokies. This doesn’t mean that they’re not featured in the selection of games available to you; it just means they have a different name! When you were playing slot games at such venues or websites, you probably wondered if there were actually some differences between slots and pokies. 

In this article, we’ll cover the issue defined in the title — do these two types of games differ in any way? And if so, how? You will see what pokies stand for and whether or not they refer to a wider range of games than slots. Essentially, this article is going to clarify why gaming machines in Australia and New Zealand are called pokies. After this, we’re going to thoroughly explain the concept of the game and its history, and give you some fun trivia regarding different names for the game.

Casino Game of Chance

Slot machines comprise a certain number of reels. They usually range between three and six, depending on the software provider. Online slots frequently feature one particular theme, and their symbols are designed accordingly. Oh, and speaking about symbols, wild and scatter are crucial! This is because they are always assigned the highest value. Wild icons substitute for the other ones, with the exception of scatters, whereas the latter unlock free spins; provided only that they appear in a sequence or in an otherwise predetermined position.

Slot games do essentially differ from other casino games, such as poker; since they do not require either skill or strategy. The concept of the game is based on chance, which is why it is a perfect pastime for those who enjoy gambling but who are not willing to put much effort into the learning process. Nevertheless, the games may also differ from one another, which is why you ought to always read the description of the one that interests you the most! Most importantly, make sure you choose an established casino, especially if you’re looking at online gaming.

Virtual Gambling vs. Land-Based Gambling

You may enjoy the atmosphere of a brick-and-mortar casino, and you might even prefer playing games in such surroundings, rather than online! Because after all, there’s something really amazing about the moment when the coins start pouring out of a slot machine. Alternately, you may prefer playing online pokies to physically spinning the reels and collecting your payouts. Whatever your preference may be, you do need to be aware of the similarities and differences that exist between a traditional slot machine and a virtual one. Although you may have already opted for the form of the game that suits you better, it won’t do any harm to get some additional information! 

Regulations

It is generally more difficult to engage in traditional gambling than the virtual form of the activity. In addition, the latter is far less legally restricted in comparison to its land-based counterpart. The United States is a perfect example, even though it is popular for its gambling venues in Las Vegas and Atlantic City. Each state regulates gambling separately. As a result, the state of Nevada permits all forms of gambling, except for racetracks and lotteries. By contrast, New Jersey has restricted the activity, so that casino games are allowed only on the territory of Atlantic City.

However, Australia differs from America with regards to online casino slots. Slot machines are offered at pubs and clubs, in addition to being featured at casinos. Nevertheless, we don’t advise you to explore outside of the wide array of licensed venues out there. Following the gambling laws is essential if you want to actually profit from such activities!

Characteristics and Features

In order to achieve your goal of profiting from the pokies, you need to pay attention to certain details. The most important is the RTP (return to player) rate, as calculated in percentage terms. This represents your chances of winning, so do make sure it’s as high as possible! Furthermore, the progressive jackpot may well land you generous payouts, since the amount increases every time someone who plays for real money makes a deposit. Finally, free spins bonuses can prove to be a rather lucrative feature; so do make sure not to leave them out when you’re doing your research!

History and Etymology

Even though it is obvious that pokies are essentially Australian slot machines, the question posed in the title still requires an answer. Pokies are an Australian slang term for slot machines. But other than the geographical element that has caused this confusion, there are no real differences between pokies and slots. Both are available at land-based venues and on gambling websites, and both have the characteristics described above. The game may vary according to the number of reels and paylines, theme, and special features; but none of those things affects the name!

Play Slots, Enjoy Pokies

So, it turns out pokies and slot machines are two different names for the same game. Geography influences the English language to a significant degree, and gambling is no exception. And although the use of Australian terms has been limited to the Land Down Under so far, in the future it may spread further; so we may even come across pokies in Las Vegas!

CSI: Norfolk TV show axed after pilot episode ends in farce

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crime scene tape

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

A gritty new fictional crime television series based in Norfolk has been scrapped.

CSI: Norfolk, based on the popular franchise that includes CSI: Miami and CSI: NY, ran into difficulties while the pilot show was filmed.

First bosses in the US didn’t think a storyline about a turnip theft was gritty enough.

And then it emerged that DNA detective work in Norfolk was futile because everyone there has the same DNA.

The CSI franchise follows forensic police detective work processes, and DNA is used regularly.

Disappointed CSI: Norfolk producer Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We thought we had a great plot.

“Local yokel Bubba Spuckler went to his field one day and discovered a prize turnip was missing.

“Cops were called and they found an apple core nearby. We presumed they would use DNA to crack the case.

“But the results came back matching all 900,000 people in Norfolk.

“It seems they are all closely related. Being unable to weave DNA into the storylines would have made CSI: Norfolk pointless.”

There has not been a new TV show in Norfolk since old favourites The Addams Family, Ask The Family, Family Fortunes and All In The Family.

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