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It’s coming home

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it's coming home

It’s coming home, it has emerged.

An exclusive Suffolk Gazette investigation has confirmed the news after 55 years of hurt.

Coming home expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “Those ‘oh so nears’ wear you down through the years.

“But I still see that tackle by Moore and when Lineker scored.

“Bobby belting the ball, and Nobby dancing.”

It is important you tell this extraordinary news to your Scottish, Irish, Welsh and German friends.

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Don’t mention the VAR: German referee officiates England vs Ukraine

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England fan Basil Fawlty

England fans are urged not to mention the VAR as a German referee will officiate the crunch Euros quarter-final against Ukraine.

Herr Felix Brych is the man with the whistle on Saturday in Rome, raising fears that Germany could dump England out of the Euros after all.

Supporters club representative Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We need to keep on Herr Brych’s good side.

“So don’t mention the VAR, even though he may have started it by awarding a penalty.

“We may have mentioned the VAR before, but I think we got away with it.”

Herr Brych is a world-class referee and will be completely impartial, even though England beat Germany earlier in the week to send them home.

VAR – virtual assistant referee- has been hugely controversial since it was introduced to football in 2019.

England fan Basil Fawlty, 37, from Torquay in Devon, said: “Yes, yes. I was telling the Major in the bar the other day that we’ll get through all right.

“But if it’s Spain in the final, don’t expect me to give my waiter the night off. He knows nothing.”

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Of course we’re going to win! Show your confidence in the Three Lions by snapping up the Suffolk Gazette’s It’s coming home mug – see the whole collection on DirtyOldGoat.com. Just £9.99 including free delivery. Maybe order it before the semi-finals.

New anti-obesity law forces McDonald’s, KFC and Burger King to open on hills

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Fast food restaurants must open on top of a hill, according to tough Government anti-obesity laws

New Government rules to combat obesity include forcing fast-food giants to open new outlets on the top of hills.

Chubby Brits will now have to take a little light exercise by walking up a hill before stuffing their faces with burgers, pizza and fried chicken.

From midnight tonight, new planning rules will only allow a fast-food chain to open a restaurant on top of a slope of 4% or more.

Government fat tsar Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We realise we can’t stop the obese population from binge-eating crap.

“But we can now make them take some exercise before they do.

“Having to walk up a moderate hill will hopefully put many fatties off their patties.”

Critics say the measures won’t work well in East Anglia, where there are very few hills.

“We have thought of that,” explained Ms Fisher.

“So, customers there will need to operate a treadmill on the pavement for five minutes before the restaurant door will open.”

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Italy to progress to Euro 2020 semi-finals after dramatic extra-time victory over Belgium

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Roberto Mancini’s Italy extended their unbeaten streak to 31 games with an extra-time victory over Austria in the last 16 of Euro 2020, and their lengthy run without defeat doesn’t look likely to be ending anytime soon — according to the latest Supercomputer study from bookmaker Casumo.

The Italians will face arguably their toughest task of the tournament yet as they go up against Belgium in the quarter-finals in Munich on Friday evening. However, the Azzurri are likely to make it 32 games undefeated as they look set to once again nab an extra-time victory.

Ciro Immobile is tipped to get Italy off to the perfect start by opening the scoring within the first 10 minutes. But, Romelu Lukaku will then get Roberto Martínez’ men back on level terms on the brink of half-time before firing Belgium into the lead in the 60th minute.

The Red Devils won’t be able to see out the victory, however, with Immobile’s late strike sending the game into extra-time — where midfielder Nicolò Barella, one of Italy’s standout players thus far, is set to bag the winning goal just five minutes into the additional 30.

With two more goals bringing Immobile’s tally up to four, just one behind current Golden Boot leader Cristiano Ronaldo, he could make for a good top scorer euro 2020 bet at 25/1.

Casumo ran a simulation of the Italy vs Belgium using a unique statistical model. Their series of complex calculations look at variables including: form, squads, xG and more.

Euros are the best time for gambling: what professionals and beginners should know

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France and Switzerland in the Euros reminded us why we love football. For some, it was also a great opportunity to make money on betting. If you’re considering starting to place bets or imagine yourself as a pro gambler, you always should think carefully if you need it. The chance of getting a jackpot, buying a huge house and a sports car, as a result, is slim. The main thing to remember: winning big is a difficult job.

This job can get you money. A regular gambler, who understands sports well and strictly follows the strategy may count on a profit of 20 to 40 percent per month from his or her bankroll. These numbers are very tempting, especially if you have thousands of pounds in the bank.

However, will it be possible for you, let’s say, with a hundred pounds, to work as hard for a month so that, as a result, you will receive a well-deserved, not that big amount of thirty pounds?

Make sure bets don’t interfere with your life

Hence, if you choose betting, think if your salary can work with your wishes. Can you mix gambling and your job? Is there sufficient time to examine and arrange your bets? If not then try answering yourself if you need betting at all?

In many cases, you can bet at the bookmaker’s office just “for fun”, but entertainment costs money, and a small part of the bets get to the bookmaker.

Take time to check the reviews

Check reviews and read forums before giving money to the bookmaker you haven’t heard about previously. Being too lazy to spend extra time checking information might turn bad in the future. It’s some sort of a rule that if the bookmaker’s odds are too good to be true, they probably are. If the bonuses are too big, then check the conditions to get them.

The trusted bookmaker should have three things: great odds, large deposits and fast payouts. Bonuses, colourful design and the like are good and all, but it doesn’t say anything about the company itself.

To determine the top bookmaker there is a trusted rating for you to check. It has comprehensive information so you can conclude where the minimal risk is. For example, here’s a thorough review of Bwin with all the pros and cons: https://bookmaker-ratings.com/review/bwin-review/.

Always check why you gamble before starting

We all have various aims and demands. See for yourself if gambling is a job or fun. If you choose entertainment, then the adrenaline will surely be provided to you, and you can forget about the money in the bank.

Making a profit is much harder. You should understand that betting on the games that you haven’t examined thoroughly won’t get you money. You should also always keep close to your strategy.

Only then your sports experience might help you in making recurring profits.

Surprise new hunky contestant joins Love Island show

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Matt ‘Hanky-Panky’ Hancock joins Love Island

The long-awaited new series of Love Island kicks off tonight with a surprise last-minute contestant.

Hunky Matt, 42, is expected to be a big hit on the controversial show where couples get together in a bid to win a £100,000 prize.

The new series was delayed by the coronavirus outbreak, but Matt has plenty of hands-on experience of operating within social distancing regulations.

He is also an expert at performing in front of the camera.

ITV2 begins airing the sexy show at 9pm tonight at the Love Island villa in Majorca, which includes a new hideaway where couples can get down and dirty.

New contestant Matt ‘Hanky-Panky’ Hancock is a massive hit with the ladies and is already a red-hot favourite to win his share of the £100,000 prize.

Insider Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Our viewers will love seeing how Matt sidles up to the ladies and wins them over, one by one.

“He’s also keen to win the prize money to help him pay for his upcoming divorce.”

Viewers will be in for a treat as they see what Matt gets up to behind closed doors.

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The biggest greyhound races around the world each year

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When looking for a new sport to follow, greyhound racing might not be the first example that pops into your head, but if you want something that’s fast-paced, energetic and full of high-octane drama, it might just be the sport for you.

With horse racing taking most of the headlines, greyhound racing often gets left behind, but if you’ve ever experienced a night at the dog tracks, you’ll know just how entertaining the sport can be.

There are plenty of high-profile races that take place across the country and beyond every year, and these are the kinds of events that can make you fall in love with greyhound racing. These are the races that get the heart beating, and have every racing fanatic placing a Betdaq greyhound bet on the dog they think will emerge triumphant.

There are so many great races and meetings during the course of the year, but here we’ve put together a list of the very best, which you cannot afford to miss!

English Greyhound Derby

In terms of British greyhound racing, there is no event that comes close to the English Greyhound Derby. The Derby is a tournament which runs over the course of a number of weeks, whittling down the field until only a select few remain to contest the final.

This year’s English Greyhound Derby is already underway, with the final set to take place on July 10th. Back at the famous Towcester racetrack for 2021, it’s a competitive field of entries, with the likes of Native Maestro, Deerjet Sydney and Knocknaboul Syd listed among the favourites to lay claim to the crown next month.

East Anglian Derby

Heading over to Norfolk, the East Anglian Cup takes place at the famous Yarmouth Stadium each year. It is one of the most hotly anticipated races of the season, and every trainer’s dream is to land a winner there and get their hands on the East Anglian Cup. These days, the winner will also receive a fat cheque for a cool £15,000.

Trainer Charlie Lister is the man who boasts the most success in the East Anglian Derby, having trained the winner on 12 occasions.

Melbourne Cup

Outside of the UK, the Melbourne Cup is one of the biggest greyhound racing events in Australia, and indeed the whole world. Held in November each year, the Melbourne Cup is run at the famous Sandown Park, with entrants trying to get their hands on the eye-popping prize money on offer.

Last year’s winner was Hard Style Rico, who landed a maiden triumph for trainer Luckie Karabitsakos and a moment of greyhound racing glory.

Sandown Cup

Staying Down Under, the Sandown Cup is one of the most lucrative greyhound races in the world, and is also held at the famous Sandown Park. It takes three weeks of top-class racing to crown a victor, but the dogs and trainers who do get their hands on the first prize are propelled into fame, not to mention fortune, with around a quarter of a million Australian dollars on offer.

Bus stop found on HMS Defender

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Bus stop on HMS Defender

By Doug Trench, Defence Editor

A major investigation has been launched after a bus stop was found on HMS Defender.

Navy top brass want to know how the stop for the number 29 Ipswich east route was left on the stern of one of Britain’s top destroyers.

Rear Admiral Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “This is an embarrassing security breach.

“We are now trying to find out how one of the Ipswich Buses team managed to leave a bus stop on HMS Defender.

“You can’t just leave these things lying around anywhere.”

There were some suspicions about how the bus stop information got into the Suffolk Gazette’s hands.

“It seems rather convenient that this bus stop was left on HMS Defender at a time when the ship was in a spat with Russian military forces,” said media observer Steve Walshe.

“Still, it is unusual for a bus stop to turn up on a warship.”

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