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Whatsisname tags along to Toga with Queen Megan

The Editor
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Whatsisname tags along to Toga with Queen Megan
Whatsisname tags along to Toga with Queen Megan

UK manufacturer of cheap rag clothing, Shein, received a boost yesterday when the Queen of Los Angeles, Meghan Windsor, wore one of its off-the-peg dresses on a visit to Tonga with her husband, whatsisname.

The endorsement only came to light after the Queen alighted her golden jet and stepped onto the red carpet, which was reportedly woven from the hair of poor Tonganese street children who were forcibly shorn in order to make Meghan’s walk to her hotel more comfortable.

Unbeknownst to her majesty, the cheap frock’s price tag (£16.99) was seen dangling from the hem by the welcoming party who were all too embarrassed to mention it.

The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe

The Shein brand, which is known mainly for producing shittily-made, copy-cat garments manufactured by blind peasants working for rice in Chinese sweatshops, is seen as a surprise addition to Queen Meghan’s wardrobe which is predominantly filled with posh, designer togs (some of which feature a Lion Crest design) befitting of her semi-royal status and air of haughty superiority.

Toga Tag

Quite how the fashion faux pas was allowed to happen is unclear but one royal insider with knowledge of the events told this reporter that a servant of the Queen was ordered to remove her hand luggage from the aeroplane before being escorted from the airport with her arm bent up behind her back. The witness also claims that Windsor had ‘made the servants cry’ on previous occasions when deliveries of other Shein garments she had ordered arrived late at her Montecito, California palace.

A spokesperson for Shein told the SUFFOLK GAZETTE, “I’m afraid that due to a court order slapped on us by the Windsors, I am not allowed to comment, but if you are asking me if Meghan looks good in that dress, the answer is, ‘you betcha!’”

Bananarama sent to the Tower

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Bananarama sent to the Tower
Bananarama sent to the Tower

Fruity 1980’s all-girl pop trio Banarama is back!

After an absence of a few weeks, the sexy trio which defined pop girliness in the Thatcherite eighties with hits such as; ‘Shy Boy’, ‘Robert DeNiro’s Waiting’, and ‘Venus’, is planning a new single and UK tour.

Original members Keren Woodward, Sarah Dallin, and Siobhan Fahey will not be featuring in the comeback but will instead be replaced by lead singer Queen Consort, Camilla-Parker-Windsor-Bowles (ex-Pusscat Dolls), former Lady-in-waiting to Queen Elizabeth II, Lady Susan ‘ but where are you really from?‘ Hussey and Baroness Quarina Loadsamoney.

It ain’t what you do…

Queen Consort Camilla is no stranger to the pop charts scoring a No.1 hit with ‘Don’t cha wish your companions were rich like mine?’ with the reformed Pussycat Dolls earlier this year. Lady Susan Hussey has been brought in because of her skill on the steel drums and her dancing ability, specializing in the Trinidadian limbo.

We asked Hussey, who was forced to resign from royal duties last year after she inquired of charity mugger and Nigerian impersonator, Ngozi Fulani, “Where are your people really from?”, why none of the original members feature on the new material. “Because we gort rid of ‘em. Milly said that they were all a bit common and anyhow, we, the new girls are a lort sexier, and fitter than wort the old ones are. They are in the tower now, anways, so that’s the last we’ll be seeing of them! By the way, where are your people from?”

The 2023 ‘Peel My Banana’ Tour dates are:-

03.09.23 Annabel’s, Mayfair

04.09.23 All England Polo Club, Hassocks

05.09.23 Westiminster Abbey, Westminster

06.09.23 The Royal Horticultural Society, Chelsea

08.09.23 The All England Lawn Tennis Club, Wimbledon

09.09.23 Windsor Castle, Windsor

10.09.23 The Welsh Women’s Institute, Cardiff

11.09.23 Buckingham Palace, London

BBC Journalist descendant of brutal Spanish colonizers

The Editor
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BBC Journalist descendant of brutal Spanish colonizers

With the coronation of King Charlie III just days away, the peasants of Suffolk are making their feelings known.

With their daily lives less and less resembling his gilded existence, is it any wonder the hard-pressed, downtrodden scum of East Anglia are saying ‘Fuck Off’ to the coronation and everything it represents? For where the king has ermine, they have vermin, where the King wears a crown, they wear a frown, and while the King lives in a palace, they live in a town called Malice.

What’s the measure?

The gap between ruler and ruled can no longer be measured with a ruler, nor even a metre stick, because that gap has turned into a chasm,.only measurable by whatever measure metaphorical chasms are measured in.

Let’s take, oh, I don’t know? Political bias, for example. It seems as good a measure as anything to gauge the size of the metaphorical chasm, does it not?

The BBC thinks so. You only have to read a recent ‘news’ article published on its website entitled.‘Why I will not be watching the King’s Coronation’ written by Jamie Moreland & Yazmina García to understand that any divisive or controversial issue covered by ‘aunty beeb’ (can we still say that?) can be measured in pure political bias, i.e. only putting across the views from one side of the argument. In this case, four moronic opinions from carefully selected anti-monarchists. Here is a summary, citing reasons given for snubbing the King on his big day…

Black or brown activist

Chantelle will be focusing her attention on the Eurovision song contest this weekend,.choosing to avoid all Coronation events and coverage in her home city of Liverpool, as they will ‘remind her of something that has been imposed upon her ancestors.’

She doesn’t specify exactly what that something was, or which ancestors in particular she is referring to, but the events must have been important for her to remember something from such a long time ago. Peculiar then, how Chantelle has such a short memory when it comes to the colonial crimes of her adored ‘Europe’ isn’t it?

Take for example just one of the many other European countries that enslaved, brutalized, and colonized the continent of Africa during the scramble for its territories in the 19th Century – France. Here is a list of the countries of Africa that the French colonized:-

World of French

French Algeria, French Protectorate in Morocco, French Protectorate of Tunisia, French West Africa, French Mauritania, French Senegal, French Guinea, French Ivory Coast, French Niger, French Upper Volta, French Dahomey, French Togoland, French Sudan, French Equatorial, Africa, French Gabon, French Congo, Ubangui-Shari, French Chad.

If Chantelle wants us to take her seriously, she might want to think twice about casting her Eurovision vote for France, or indeed for the other great African colonizers, Germany, Belgium, Spain, Portugal, or Italy, but of course she won’t, because she isn’t being serious, is she?

Pot calls kettle black

Nor it seems is Spanish BBC journalist and co-author of the copy just quoted, Yazmina García Fernández, when she claims on her Linked in page that she is a “Hands-on and reliable media professional with a sound editorial judgement.”

Sound editorial judgement? More like an accreditation from the Josef Goebbels Ministry of Propaganda.

Greggs offers ‘vape-while-you-wait’ option

The Editor
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Greggs offers ‘vape-while-you-wait’ option
Greggs offers ‘vape-while-you-wait’ option

Greggs, the baker is offering a new ‘vape-while-you-wait’ service to its offering.

The popular ‘old-school’ fast-food outlet (a baker’s shop), hopes that the new measure will give queues of people, hovering around the check-out, desperate to not miss out on their favourite cakes and pastries, something to do while they wait to be served, which to be fair, can take ages.

Puff pastry

The controversial move has already been trialled in thirteen stores across Suffolk with mixed results. Jonathon Smart, manager of Greggs at EG Sproughton Road Services, Ipswich, told this reporter, “Personally, I think it’s a mistake. I vape myself and I suppose you could say I’m addicted, but my therapist says it’s good that at least I recognize it. So, when a customer comes in and sparks up an e-fag, I’m thinking ‘Jesus, control yourself, you’re in a baker’s shop ffs’, is it wrong to think like that? Am I bad person?”

After reassuring Mr Smart that he probably isn’t a bad person, I spoke to a slovenly (W.C. ‘untidy and dirty’) young man who was preparing to vape. I asked him if he thought it was appropriate to vape inside a baker’s shop. “I dunno.” Replied the youthful yobbo, adding, “It says you can, so why not?” Not one of my more absorbing interviews.

Sausage roll-ups

I contacted local resident and retired army Major, Brian Panhandle-Smythe DSO CIE, chair of the Ipswich chapter of elderly do-gooding group, Residents AGainst Everything (RAGE), which has been campaigning against Greggs’ ‘vape-while-you-wait’ service for comment. He told me “When I was in India, we would have the local street boys smoke our cigarettes for us, and we would make them smoke anywhere. ANYWHERE! D’YA HEAR? But you see, we were in charge in those days. Today, well, now the boot’s on the other foot In’nit? They have the whip hand. So they come over here with their foreign muck, and stand there, bold as brass, puffing all over our Chelsea buns – the bloody buggers. STRING ‘EM UP, I say, the bloody lot of ‘em!”

W.C. = Working Class

Streaming Services Have A Problem, We Have The Solution

The Editor
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Streaming Services Have A Problem, We Have The Solution

The market for streaming services has become saturated. It’s an arms race, as our favorite corporations gobble up every IP that isn’t nailed down before their competitors get there first. If dedicating an entire show to a C-list character from your dad’s favorite movie was an art form, they’ve perfected it.

What was once a new and innovative model has become stale. There’s no one-stop shop for streamed shows anymore, nothing is under the same roof, but don’t worry, we have a solution.

Streaming Services Have A Problem, We Have The Solution

The Old Deal

It wasn’t always this way. Once upon a time, Netflix was the only name around. Back then, Netflix attracted users to the platform with free trials and other shiny objects, but mainly those free trials. It worked so much that Amazon Prime used the same model, offering free months. Many businesses still use it, gambling website MrQ offers 20 free spins, and it’s a business model that very much works. Free stuff always gets people on board.

Amazon Prime Video and Hulu were around back then but The Boys and The Handmaid’s Tale hadn’t come out yet, so nobody cared. Netflix ruled the roost, as reported by Wired. Alas, as Netflix scraped by with a meager value in the tens of billions, they couldn’t wow investors with growing user numbers anymore. Tragically, user growth doesn’t translate into more tens of billions. Netflix cancelled the free trial and in 2019, Disney+ launched and quickly abandoned a similar scheme a year later.

The Problem

Now Netflix and Disney are just two large fish in an ever-widening pond. That’s a pretty way of saying they are competing with twenty others to be that special service you ignore because you’re staring at your phone instead. With each demanding a price, streaming is no longer the cheaper alternative for watching TV. This will be a problem for all streaming services if more keep springing up.

Netflix recently lost 1 million subscribers in Spain, according to Kantar. Only time will tell if they find them or not but, in the meantime, Netflix is expected to push even more away with its password crackdown. Expect other streaming services to follow in search of profitability, or maybe it’s just peer pressure, who knows?

The Solution

Dividing content across two dozen streaming services, each charging for the privilege, is a great way to turn a large audience into a small one. While the suits believe ditchers will come crawling back and that a smaller audience can still be profitable, but it’s a bold claim, and a big risk to take. Especially when there’s a better solution.

What if cooperation is better than competition? What if our streaming services got together and chose compromise, coming together to be more powerful than ever? They could all plug into one giant mega-service. It’d be big, so maybe they’d need to come in a box with satellite hardware supporting it. Then they could make money with lucrative ad deals that play between shows, with the lion’s share of the revenue going toward the most popular shows and the services offering them. It would be a cheaper, fairer platform for consumers while giving streaming services access to a much larger audience. Everybody wins!

If it’s coming in a box, it’ll probably be more reliable if we use wires instead of our fickle internet connections. Not everybody has great internet, after all. We could call it something memorable, something short and trendy, like “cable.”

Preparing for a Career in Healthcare

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Preparing for a Career in Healthcare
Preparing for a Career in Healthcare

The Bureau of Labor Statistics has determined that jobs in the healthcare sector will increase by 16% between 2020 and 2030. This will result in over 2.5 million new employment opportunities. It represents one of the biggest growths in all careers. Now is the time to start preparing for a career in healthcare. Below we will tell you how.

Get Qualified

You will need a great qualification to get a top job in healthcare as you will be competing with other prospective employees who have obtained a degree. This means setting aside the time to study every day so that you obtain good grades and stand out from other hopeful job seekers.  

The general rule is that you should allocate two to three hours of self-study for every hour that you have a class, whether this is face-to-face or online. You are finished with high school and need to adjust to a different approach to studying that will make demands on your time. Getting A grades will convince admission committees that you can cope with postgraduate courses and persuade employers that you are a good bet.

Study Preparation

Start with gaining an overview of the work for the semester. Determine when assignments are due and take note of how much they each contribute to your overall marks. Be aware of the work you need to get through before starting an assessment, such as reading lists, and get your prescribed books early.

Set up the Perfect Study Space

You may be limited in your choice of places to study. If you are studying online, you will have more leeway to set up a perfect study space in your home and to limit distractions. Here are some tips on choosing and equipping your study space. Check that you have internet access, outlets to plug your laptop into, a low noise level, good lighting, and control of interruptions. If you study with music playing, get comfortable headphones and put your study playlist together.

Choose a Method of Organizing Your Studies

Some students use color coding for differentiating between their materials and notes for each subject. This makes it easy to find what you need. Figure out how you will track your study sessions so that you have enough time for everything. A calendar can help you keep on top of assignment completion, and you could allocate a different subject to study every day. Each student must find the system that works best for them as this can differ widely.

Make sure that you have all the necessary tools for studying. Highlighters in different colors, spare black, blue, and red pens, books for taking notes, and files for each subject can help you stay organized and not waste time when you start a study session. Organize your reading and study material in a way that works for you. This will set up good habits for working in the healthcare field.

Choosing the Right Course to Study

Perhaps the single most important decision you will have to make is which course to enroll for.  This is especially important in the healthcare industry, which is undergoing constant change. You need to consider whether the course you choose stays up-to-date with the transformations in the field, such as an MHA degree online which will enable you to work and gain experience while you study.

Choose a career that will be satisfying, allow you to make life better for others, and that will reward your efforts.

Suffolk Gazette hiring

The Editor
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Suffolk Gazette hiring

The SUFFOLK GAZETTE is urgently hiring; writers, news reporters, and editors due to an unofficial strike by its staff.

The illegal strike which was not balloted in accordance with the WGGB union’s rules, has caused chaos at the Gazette, which is seeking to replace existing staff members at the earliest opportunity.

This reporter (who is part of a non-striking union) spoke to the editor-in-chief of the Gazette, Lorraine Fisher – 34 who told me “First of all, James, I want to thank you for coming in to work today. Your loyalty is much appreciated and in recognition of your tireless work on behalf of the Gazette, you should expect a hefty bonus in your next pay packet. Thank you, again. You are a star!”

You’re welcome!

Lorraine went on, “As for the rest of the rabble around here who laughably call themselves journalists, I have never come across such lazy, incompetent, unimaginative, and frankly, illiterate excuses for news people in my entire career. The sooner we get rid of them, the better.”

Dominic Grievances

I asked Lorraine, what were the striking staff’s grievances? “Having to work. That’s it. Ever since they read about whinging civil servants ejecting former Deputy Prime Minister and Justice Secretary, Dominic Raab from his post, their pigheadedness has reached a whole new level.

Just like the civil servants, they seem to think that work involves turning up when they want to – if at all – and then sitting or lying around, doing pretty much nothing all day except look at their phones and help themselves to free coffee.  I wouldn’t mind but half of them can’t write for toffee, and as far as their spelling is concerned, well, I may as well employ dyslexics from now on. In fact, I just have.”

You’ve got to sack a picket or two

Questioned on who the Gazette was looking to take on, Fisher replied, “Anyone, frankly. An illegal fresh of the boat? An escaped convict? An ex-member of Boyzone? They couldn’t be any worse than the simpletons on the picket line downstairs.”

Do you think you could write better than what the staff af the Suffolk Gazette can?

Send your CV to iwritegood@suffolkgazettejobs.suffolk.uk.com

Role of Entrepreneurship and Innovation in College Education

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Role of Entrepreneurship and Innovation in College Education

The landscape of college education has transformed over the years. The traditional model of students sitting in classrooms listening to lectures is no longer the norm. Due to that, colleges and universities embrace entrepreneurship and innovation as essential components of higher education. Entrepreneurship and innovation are critical to the success of today’s businesses. Entrepreneurs and innovators are vital to creating new products and services that meet customers’ needs in a rapidly changing global marketplace. So let’s explore the role of entrepreneurship and innovation in college education.

Helps Students Leverage Their Creativity

Role of Entrepreneurship and Innovation in College Education

Creativity is a fundamental human trait recognized and valued throughout history. It is the ability to come up with new and innovative ideas, see things from a different perspective, and solve problems in unconventional ways. In the past, the traditional model of education did not place much emphasis on creativity. Instead, students were expected to follow a set curriculum, memorize facts, and regurgitate them on tests. However, the modern business world requires individuals who can think creatively and critically and develop new and innovative ideas.

Institutions now recognize the importance of creativity in education and are incorporating it into their curricula. They allow students to explore their creative sides, think outside the box, and develop problem-solving skills. It even reduces the need for seeking assistance from platforms such as royalwriter.co.uk. By embracing entrepreneurship and innovation, colleges provide students with the tools they need to succeed in a rapidly changing global marketplace.

Gives Students the Ability to Recognize Opportunities

Entrepreneurship and innovation give students the ability to recognize opportunities. An opportunity can be a gap in the market, a need that is not being met, or a problem that needs solving. Recognizing an opportunity is only the first step, but it is crucial. Entrepreneurs and innovators cannot create value or bring their ideas to realization without the ability to identify opportunities.

Institutions now recognize the importance of teaching students how to recognize opportunities. By incorporating entrepreneurship and innovation into their curricula, colleges provide students with the tools to identify potential opportunities and turn them into successful ventures.

These programs include market research courses, which teach students how to identify market gaps and potential growth areas. Students learn to analyze consumer needs and preferences and use this information to develop innovative products and services.

Besides entrepreneurship programs, colleges also incorporate opportunities for students to gain real-world experience. For example, many colleges partner with local businesses and organizations, allowing students to work on projects and gain practical experience in their chosen field. This experience allows collegians to see firsthand how businesses identify and pursue opportunities and provides valuable insights into how they can apply these skills to their ventures.

Students Can Apply Their Knowledge to Various Roles

Entrepreneurship and innovation are not just for those who want to be entrepreneurs. Students can apply the skills and knowledge gained through these study areas to various roles and industries, making them more marketable and successful in their careers. Institutions recognize the value of teaching entrepreneurship and innovation skills to all students, regardless of their future career aspirations.

Apart from entrepreneurship programs, colleges are also incorporating innovation into other areas of study. For example, many institutes offer courses in design thinking, a problem-solving methodology emphasizing creativity and innovation. Design thinking encourages students to look at problems from multiple perspectives and develop innovative solutions. Individuals can apply these skills to any role or industry, making them more marketable and successful.

Gives One a Chance to Do What They Love

Role of Entrepreneurship and Innovation in College Education

Entrepreneurship and innovation allow students to pursue their passions and turn their interests into successful careers. By teaching entrepreneurship and innovation skills, institutes equip students with the resources to do what they love and succeed in the rapidly changing global marketplace.

Students learn to develop a business plan, identify potential customers, and create products or services that meet their needs. With the guidance of experienced mentors, students can launch their businesses and turn their dreams into reality.

Colleges also motivate interested students to participate in extracurricular activities that allow them to follow their passions. For example, many institutes have clubs and organizations dedicated to hobbies such as photography, cooking, and sports. These clubs allow students to collaborate with like-minded individuals and turn their passions into successful projects. By participating in these activities, students can develop leadership, teamwork, and creativity skills, all essential for success in any field.

Bottom Line

The role of entrepreneurship and innovation in a college education cannot be overstated. Entrepreneurship and innovation skills give students the tools to succeed in a rapidly changing global marketplace. Incorporating entrepreneurship and innovation skills into college curricula and extracurricular activities is essential for preparing students for success in their future careers.

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