Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Illegal immigrant delivery driver ‘possibly sent by God’    

Illegal immigrant delivery driver ‘possibly sent by God’    
Illegal immigrant delivery driver ‘possibly sent by God’    

MINSMERE, SUFFOLK – Bitchy old cow, Woman got her comeuppance when a routine ASDA grocery delivery went pear-shaped. Delivered by an illegal immigrant delivery driver.

By Our Crime Editor: Rob Banks

Expecting her usual Thursday grocery delivery, Glenda, a retired shit-stirrer from Minsmere. She was instead greeted by the sight of a mammoth 10-tonne lorry barreling in reverse towards her front door.

With the precision of a bull in a china shop, the driver. An illegal immigrant delivery driver recently arrived on a dinghy from France. Whose grasp of English left much to be desired, misinterpreted the simple instruction to ‘deliver to your door’.

Immigrant delivery driver

Glenda, caught off guard while sitting posting snide rumours about her friends on Facebook. Found herself propelled backwards into her kitchen as the out-of-control lorry thundered into her home. In a cruel, but just twist of fate, 13-stone Glenda got her head stuck in her kitchen oven. While the rear end of the HGV careered onwards before coming to a standstill in her front room.

For God’s sake

Reflecting on her misfortune, Glenda, head still stuck in her oven, admitted that she had been unkind to her friends and suggested that perhaps the incident was her punishment from God.

As emergency crews worked to free Glenda from her oven, they kept her spirits up by sustaining her with delivery items from the back of the lorry. Including squashed crab sticks, a chipped bottle of Hock wine, and a battered tin of SPAM.

In the end, Glenda’s misadventure served as a cautionary tale about the perils of being a bitch to your friends and the unexpected consequences that can arise when God doesn’t go along with your evil plan.

Meanwhile: ASDA introduces special delivery service direct to your front room

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