ST. ANDREWS CHAPEL, IPSWICH – The traffic enforcer boldly towed away the hearse, leaving mourners at the funeral with a final wail.

Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

The funeral of beloved Ipswich fishmonger, Terence Perkins, took an unexpected detour when the hearse meant to carry his coffin to the Ipswich City Cemetery was unceremoniously towed away due to a parking violation.

As funeral mourners gathered outside St. Andrews Chapel to bid farewell to the 102-year-old ex-purveyor of tuna, salmon and hake, they were met with the mournful sight of the hearse being hoisted onto a truck by unforgiving traffic enforcement officers.

With the hearse out of commission, the pallbearers found themselves at a loss for how to transport Perkins’ coffin to its final resting place. It was then that a friend of the deceased, known locally as “Mick the Milk,” came to the rescue with his trusty milk float.

Cod rest his soul

Eventually, amidst tears of sadness and relief, Perkins’ coffin was loaded onto the milk float. Hastily adorned with flowers, ribbons and a couple of sprigs of dill, for the impromptu funeral procession.

As the makeshift cortege slowly made its way through the sombre streets of Ipswich Town Centre, it drew puzzled stares and amused whispers from bewildered onlookers, some of them former customers of Perkins’ Fishmongers on the High Street.

Eel be missed

Despite the delay and unconventional mode of transport. Perkins, interred in an oak coffin lined with crushed ice, was finally laid to rest with the dignity, respect and seasoning befitting a man of his mongerly stature in the community.

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— Suffolk Gazette (@SuffolkGazette) February 22, 2024