Friday, September 23, 2022

Energy bill crisis: your money-saving guide

The Suffolk Gazette today unveils an essential step-by-step guide for readers to avoid sky-rocketing energy bills.

With households expected to pay, on average, £2,000 a year, tips from our money-saving expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, will save you a fortune on electricity and gas. Here are our top seven tips.

1 Buy some candles

Who needs bright lights in every room? Buy some candles, light and leave them in strategic places around your home.

It’s amazing what you can do by candlelight (no naughty thoughts, please). You can read a book, talk to a real person in the same room, or stare at the ceiling watching the pleasing shadows made by your candle.

Plus, did you know you can now buy scented candles? Because you can’t afford to wash properly, these will freshen up your stinking hovel.

2 Eat cold food

There really is no need to turn on your electric oven or use the gas hob. Did you know not all food has to be hot or even cooked?

On your next visit to the supermarket, buy plenty of bread, cheese, fruit and cooked meats. Just make sure you eat the cooked meats in good time because your fridge won’t be working.

Sound boring? Buy a few biscuits and crisps as a little treat. OK, buy lots of biscuits and crisps.

3 Put on a jumper

You don’t have to turn the heating on. Humans coped well enough without radiators for thousands of years, so don’t be such a wuss.

Did you know that when you put on an extra jumper, you will feel warmer? It’s an amazing thing; you should try it.

Oh, and other garments and items are available for your extremities, like gloves, hats, scarfs and woolly socks.

4 Take an invigorating cold shower

Should you begin to pong, and your scented candles no longer cut the mustard, then take an invigorating cold shower.

Not only will this remove the grime, but it will also set you up for the day, making you alert.

As a bonus tip, reserve the dirty shower water and rinse out your stinking clothes in it, to save using your electricity-guzzling washing machine.

5 Ditch the tech

Clearly, you will not be watching television, using your mobiles, or using any sort of tech because the price of electricity to use or charge your devices is ruinously high.

No matter. Did you know that without your Kindle, you can read something called a book?

And the best thing is, once you’ve finished, you can rip up the pages and make a fire to help you keep warm.

6 Partake in a spot of rumpy pumpy

If all of this sounds a little tiresome, you can pass the time and keep warm between the sheets.

7 Get absolutely shit-faced

If all else fails, and you are fed up with lurching from one crisis to another, then simply get blotto on the booze. It’s great fun and you won’t feel the cold.

With a bit of luck, you won’t soil yourself and require another cold shower,

Find the perfect gift mug

You may not be able to afford your kettle. But you can sip some delightful cold water from a mug from our pottery partner, DirtyOldGoat.com – they make excellent pressies and come with free UK delivery

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