Monday, May 20, 2024

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Shock as PM warns Brexit will close car washes

By Suffolk Gazette Political Team

There was widespread shock across Britain today as David Cameron revealed we would all have to wash our own cars if we pulled out of Europe.

The nightmare scenario is likely to shift public opinion ahead of the EU referendum next month, because we’ve become too lazy to clean our own motors.

Previous In Campaign doomsday predictions of Brexit include a devastating recession, 800,000 job losses, a house market crash, rising High Street prices and world security concerns.

Eastern European car wash

These have failed to shift voting intentions, but the Prime Minister and his team believe the disappearance of the Eastern European car wash is a game changer.

Speaking during a flying visit to Ipswich today, Mr Cameron said: “Every town and city is used to a proliferation of commercial car washes run by Eastern Europeans, who have shown the sort of entrepreneurial spirit that the EU freedom of movement allows and encourages.

“These enterprises are cheap and quick, and they do a jolly good job. Gone are the tedious days of having to wash our own cars every weekend after doing the lawn. Now we just pop along to see Paulius and his busy-bee workers.

“But if you vote to leave the EU, these marvelous, industrious soapy institutions will be lost because the Brits don’t like working hard for little return.”

eastern european car washVote In or lose your Eastern European car wash, warns Cameron
Motorist Graham Parker was queuing up to get his Range Rover cleaned at the popular Kowalski car wash in Ipswich. He told the Suffolk Gazette he was a confirmed Brexit voter who wanted Britain out of the EU, but Mr Cameron’s warning had changed his mind.

“I don’t think we as a country could cope without our local Eastern European car wash. We’ve lost the desire and skills necessary to do them ourselves, so I’ll be voting to stay in the EU now.”

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