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Braverman opens Essex ‘Golli pub’

Braverman opens Essex ‘Golli pub’

GRAYS, ESSEX – Libertarian Home Secretary, Suella Braverman has put her money where her mouth is and opened a ‘Golli Pub’ in the Essex heartland.

Braverman, who was criticised earlier in the year for defending a Grays publican. Who had displayed several ‘Golliwog’ dolls in their establishment,.has backed up her controversial stance by opening her own ‘Golli’ themed pub in the area. And what is wrong with that?

Good Golli!

Talking to reporters as she served pints from behind the wood-panelled bar. Braverman said she was “a proud owner” of a vast collection of Golli memorabilia that had been in her family for generations. Gesturing to a collection of about 50 dolls scattered throughout the pub.

She described how many of them had been donated to her by her late aunt and others by customers. Who regularly visited the pub on their way to and from the local amateur dramatics production.of ‘The Black & White Minstrel Show’ which is currently showing at the town hall.

Where’s the harm?

She went on to tell astonished reporters from the BBC and The Guardian newspaper that “They’re my childhood history, it’s a part of our inheritance. I can’t see any harm. I don’t know how they (do-gooders) can find it offensive.”

Asked if she was not concerned that some people might find her elaborate display of ‘racist memorabilia’ offensive, Braverman replied, “Nope. They’re just knitted dolls. Quite harmless, and no different to the Irish leprechaun troll with the big orange hair, or the white-face cabbage patch dolls with the big flat faces and pushed-in eyes. All these other racial caricatures are still very successful and selling extremely well on eBay, Etsy and Amazon. I think black people are missing out on strong sales, especially in the run-up to Christmas.”

Golli Pub Hate

As the press conference drew to a close, Police Officers from the local force arrived at the pub. Following the report of a hate crime having occurred at The Gollwwog Inn. Removing her pinny before greeting the officers at the front door, the home secretary, in a loud cockney accent, said: “You shouldn’t be getting involved in this kind of nonsense. Why don’t you piss off back to the beat and focus on catching some real criminals?”

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