SUFFOLK, UK – Get ready to duck, dive, and dodge, as the Royal Mail introduces its daring new delivery strategy, aptly named ‘Suffolk Airmail.’
Gone are the days when posties carefully placed parcels on porches or knocked politely at the front door. Now, it’s all about the thrill of the throw as the Royal Mail tries to cut delivery times by chucking parcels into homes rather than delivering them properly.
The new guidelines, drawn up by the geniuses at the Communication Workers Union, include a recommendation that posties holler “Parcels Away!” before lobbing a delivery through an unsuspecting home-dweller’s window or over their garden wall. However, some residents have raised concerns about the accuracy of the deliveries.
“I ordered a set of Michael Barrymore Toby jugs in fine china, but when they arrived through my living room window, it looked more like a porcelain jigsaw puzzle,” complained Valerie Steamhandle, 94 from Risby.
Royal Mail tossers
Posties, however, are said to be delighted at the change in their daily duties. “We’re really embracing the ‘throw yourself into your work’ ethos,” said one postman with a wink as he luzzed a large Amazon package into an open skylight.
The Royal Mail insists that Suffolk Airmail is an innovative solution to expedite deliveries and reduce delivery times, but many residents in Suffolk suspect the Royal Mail has simply discovered yet another way to lessen the load for its workshy posties.