Sick Aussies ashen-faced

By Jock Strapp, Cricket Correspondent

Ex-pat Aussies living in Britain were today suffering from a mystery illness which has left them ashen-faced.

The normally-cocky Australians are suffering from severe shock, and the condition has caused them to tremble so much that medics are concerned it is masking their normal alcoholic symptoms.

Police say 11 Australians were found running aimlessly around a field today trying to find cover. They believe their behaviour has been criminal.

Doctors were brought in to try and treat them and bring an end to their extraordinary misery.

One medic, who was called in from Ipswich Hospital, told the Suffolk Gazette: “They are suffering from a rare condition which is affecting their ability to function normally.

“We believe it is fatal – they probably won’t make it past 60.”

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