Monday, February 12, 2024

Putin’s occupation shtick brings the house down

Image by: Pixabay

Veteran Russian funnyman, Vladimir Putin, has delivered a state of the nation stand up routine at the Assembly.

Working men’s club in the Russian capital, Moscow, telling gags, some blue, about the ‘special military operation’ which has been ongoing in Ukraine for a year.

There was more coughing than applauding as comrade Putin – Russia’s answer to Jim Davidson – took to his feet amidst the clinking of pint glasses and the rowdy hubbub coming from the crowded bar area. Cries of ‘Na Zdorovie’ from a few old Communist party stalwarts floated across the cigarette smoke-filled auditorium towards the pinko comic who, right from the start of his set, seemed overly-reliant on his lecturn to keep his balance.

Holding a lit cigarette in the same hand as his microphone, the totalitarian titillator opened with a characteristic one liner about a Jewish Nazi from Ukraine who wanted to take over the world. He followed this with a burst of quickfire wisecracks about NATO sending military jets and heavy weaponry to Ukraine before he did, and how he was not attacking the people of Ukraine, but rather, freeing them! Hoot.

U.S.S.R having a laugh

An hour into his big night at the Assembly Putin had them eating out of his (shaking) hand. The gags were coming quick and fast, and no subject was off limits. To shrieks of laughter that would have made Ricky Gervais envious, Putin mocked the Anglican Church’s plans to consider the idea of a gender-neutral God. “Millions of people in the West understand they are being led to a real spiritual catastrophe.” he remarked as one party official literally rolled off his chair holding his sides to prevent them splitting.

Then Putin’s speciality blue material kicked-in. Ridiculing the west for its declining moral standards, he brought the house down as he joked “Look at what they do to their own people: the destruction of families, of cultural and national identities and the perversion that is child abuse all the way up to paedophilia, are advertised as the norm… and priests are forced to bless same-sex marriages.”

C.C.C.P-ing their pants

The balding hootmeister brought the marathon gig to an end after two gruelling hours onstage with his final, masterful gag: “Russia will meet any challenges because we are all one country, a big and united nation. We are confident in ourselves and confident in our strength. The truth is on our side.” Cue mass meltdown. The entire auditorium, its air thick with the smell of vodka and urine, descended into fits of hysterics. Actual screams of laughter competed with loud uncotrollable belly laughing as Putin traversed the stage fist pumping assorted Cossacks, Mongols, and Siberian Tatars, and kissing beautiful, albeit planted, Ukranian farm girls.

There is no doubt that after ten years at the top, Putin is still the master at making the whole world laugh.

Vladimir Putin’s Ukranian tour dates culminating at the Lesya Ukrainka National Academic Theater in Kyiv are yet to be released.

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