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Things to do in the United Kingdom: LEAVE

The United Kingdom closes the door on your way out
The United Kingdom closes the door on your way out

Trip advisor, the world’s largest travel site has suggested some fantastic getaways from the United Kingdom. That’s it. Just get away from the United Kingdom.

Past Glories

It wasn’t always like this. In the 1960s, popular skiffle band, the Beatles, sang of their love for their hometown of Liverpool in ‘Penny Lane’.‘Penny lane is in my ears and in my eyes’ they warbled. While at the same time, Lonodan rivals, The Kinks,.were singing the praises of the nation’s capital in ‘Waterloo Sunset’ which they compared to paradise. Years later, in 1990, English footballing crybaby, Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne recorded ‘Fog on the Tyne’.– an homage to his beloved Newcastle upon Tyne – which was all his.

But then the cultural Marxists took over, andnow, Great Britain, once a leading example of proud nationhood, has been reduced to nothing more than a place to leave, or pass through on your way to somewhere better – a bit like Ipswich.

So, where did it all go wrong, Britain?

Many people believe it started at the Royal Albert Hall, in London, on 6 April 1968 – a date that will live in infamy in ther memories of all British people. A day that will be forever remembered for ‘the great injustice’.

The day upon which universally-loved pop God, Cliff Richard, was denied victory at the Eurovision Song Contest with his perfect pop song ‘Congratulations’. The day that Britain was beaten in a music competition by the Spanish, with a song – clearly inspired by Marxism – called… wait for it… ‘La la la’.

Noel Edmonds’ Crinkley Bottom deserted

Other people believe it was when Noel Edmonds’ inspired light entertainment series,.‘Noel’s House Party’, set in the (thankfully) fictional village of Crinkley Bottom,.and co-starring retarded, sponge thingummybob, Mr Blobby, was taken off air.

The suggestion is that the absence of engaging, family-centered,.annoying-as-fuck entertainment on the BBC at 7.00pm on Saturday nights,.left a void that was soon filled with glue-sniffing, sexual perversion in the streets, and the rise of Ant & Dec. These maladies persist, and have contributed to the fecklessness, and moral decay that Britons see all around them, today.

So where should people go when they leave Britain?

Hmmm, that’s a toughie. Russia and Ukraine are defininately out. Italy has lurched to the right, and France is unemployed, and a target for terrorists. Saudia Arabia is OK – if you want to be beheaded, and the US ideal if your black and want to be beaten to death by cops.

Germany is still paying for everything in Europe so taxes are high, and Spain has a big problem with domestic violence against women – although not as bad as in Afghanistan where being a woman is not gonna help your career – at all. You have male rapists being sent to women’s prisons in Scotland, and the Chinese economy has been destroyed by Covid 19.

Erm?…

Actually, on second thoughts – may as well stay here! 

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