Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Potholes re-branded as speed holes to save traffic-calming costs

No more speed bumps will be built after canny councils realised they could leave potholes to slow down traffic instead.

Rather than spend millions on traffic calming measures, council bosses decided that potholes were far more effective, and would be called speed holes.


The new approach means a double saving for local taxpayers, who will no longer have to pay for speed bumps or sleeping policemen, or fork out for pothole repairs.

“I don’t know why no-one thought of this brilliant idea before,” explained Lorraine Fisher, 34, chairperson of Council Highways UK.

“We don’t have to spend any money on traffic calming features in our towns or villages, nor do we have to repair the potholes.

“But the traffic in town centres and close to village facilities will remain slow and safe – ideal to stop speeding motorists.”

She explained that councils could save millions from their highways budgets, and that saving would be passed on to taxpayers.

“Speed bumps are dead, long live speed holes,” declared Ms Fisher.

The new policy was tested out in Suffolk this winter, and found to be a roaring success.


Motorist Steve Walshe, from Ipswich, said: “I never did really understand why they spent so much putting in speed bumps when a pothole does the same job for free.”

County councils will now spend some of their saved budgets on an advertising campaign in order to educate motorists.

A spokesperson for Suffolk County Council said: “Once people realise they are speed holes in the middle of the road, not potholes, they will be much happier.”

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