The SUFFOLK GAZETTE recently reported on Mildred Miggins, a housewife from somewhere in Suffolk, who placed a signpost reading ‘twatt,’ at the end of her road to help her drunk husband find his way home after late nights down the local.
Well, since our story went viral on the internet, other neglected and resentful wives and girlfriends of feckless, dirty stop-outs have begun to follow Mrs Miggins’ sardonic lead.
Take, for example, Joanne Smith from up the road in Suffolk, just a few miles from somewhere. Her useless and irrelevant other half, Steve, is always down the pub, chatting up the birds, when he should be at home getting on with things proper husbands do, like… erm… well, putting up a shelf or something. Joanne told me that she’s sick of it. “I’m sick of it. He’s never at home. I know what he gets up to when he’s in the Feathers because all the girls tell me about it. They say I shouldn’t put up with it, and they’re right. I shouldn’t.”
I asked what made her erect a sign for Steve. “Well, I read that excellent, witty article in the SUFFOLK GAZETTE about that twatt fella. It was so well written. Did you write that? (yes, actually) My Steve’s just the same, so I thought… what I can I write on his sign? Fat C*nt? W*nker? F*ck Face? Sh*t-for-brains? In the end, I just went with ‘Dildo’.”
Other seething women have been posting photographs of their own erections on social media. Here are just a few that we found…
- ‘Gobshite’ – erected by Silvia Shuttleworth in Stockton-on-Tees for her husband, Graham.
- ‘Fel rhech mewn pot jam’ (fart in a jam jar) – by Ruth Rhys-Jones for husband Dafydd.
- ‘Dobber’ – by Sheila McClintock of Arbroath for her penis-of-a-husband, Andy.
We even found a sign in Dusseldorf, Germany erected by Damen Helga Von Waffenberg for her Bierkeller-frequenting husband, Heinrich Mueller Von Waffenberg which reads: ‘Halt deinen Mund!’ (Shut your mouth!) The Germans clearly haven’t got the hang of it yet but give them time.
Have YOU erected a ‘show me the way home sign’ for your useless prick of a husband? Send your pics to email@example.com