By Foo Tse
Economics Correspondent

Adnams beer duty is being axed to save drinkers around 45p per pint, the Suffolk Gazette can reveal.

Small print in Chancellor George Osborne’s budget shows that while he froze duty on beer across the rest of the country, he has actually cut Adnams beer duty to zero.

The move is seen as payback for Suffolk residents who have to put up with rich Conservative supporters from London buying up thousands of second homes across the coastal area.

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A treasury spokesman confirmed: “Adnams is brewed in Southwold and is a world-class product, and the people of Suffolk deserve to get it tax free. Cheers!”

Wood burners

Closer examination of the Budget reveals other measures for Suffolk that were not picked up by the national media:

– A 25% tax on trendy wood burners
– A 10% tax hike on shell suits sold in Ipswich
– £105 million extra to pay for interpreters in Ipswich courts
– Greater Anglia keeping the region’s train franchise for another 15 years
– A new lane on the A12 exclusively for London second-home owners driving to Suffolk in their 4x4s
– £40 million to further strengthen the security fencing to keep Norfolk people out of Suffolk

But it was the beer tax which will grab Suffolk residents’ attention. One boozer in The Greyhound, a popular Adnams pub in Ipswich, said: “You could raise the price of Adnams by 45p a pint and we’d still drink it. In fact, some pubs have!”

The Editor of the Suffolk Gazette said he wanted to remind readers that Adnams is his beer of choice, so please remember that when using this link to buy him a beer.

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By Colin Allcabs
Consumer Correspondent

Upmarket AGA cookers have been urgently recalled because some of the colours have suddenly gone out of date.

Housewives are being offered counselling after realising their kitchen showpiece might not be as achingly cool as the new one in the big farmhouse up the road.

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An AGA insider said: “We are recalling certain colours of ranges for safety. An upmarket housewife from Aldeburgh or Southwold could die of shame if they know we have brought out new colours and their kudos could be left wanting.

Cooking up a storm: some Aga colours have lost their shine

AGA ranges are often said by their owners to be “the heart of the home”, with some country folk using the warmth of the oven to rear lambs, while other, more careless ones have found themselves with a surprise lamb dinner.

Style guru Kirsty Allslop said yesterday: “If they do bring out a new colour chart for AGA cookers it could prove fatal to those who have the early, less desirable shades. They need to contact the showrooms to see if they can afford to set the latest trend. I believe AGA are setting up a hotline to help those who are suffering stress.”

It is believed one particular cooker, the Delia Delight AGA, with sickly green body and canary yellow doors, is one of those destined for the scrap yard.

The newest AGA, the Multi-Function Textmaster can be controlled from the dashboard of the BMW 5 series so that the sustainable salmon with samphire can be ready by the time owners get home from Pilates class.

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By Suffolk Gazette staff

Trimley St Martin residents are campaigning against a home for retired Fleet Street journalists in the village.

The Home for Angry and Cirrhosis-prone Kopyrighters (HACKs) has become the focus of daily protests since opening just three months ago.

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“At first we thought it was a nice idea for old folks to have somewhere peaceful to spend their final days,” says Bob Martin, leader of the Hate HACKs campaign. “But to be honest we had no idea what they were like.

“Everywhere they go they leave cigarette ends and empty bottles. Some flash cheque books at passers-by. It really is shocking.”

Another local said: “All most of them do is drink, smoke and boast about outrageous expenses claims. A few just rock back and forth, making obscene comments about editors.”

One of the HACKs residents, pictured yesterday

There have been reports of former journalists spending hours slumped on benches in the village in an apparent torpor before all charging at once, shouting, pushing and jostling startled residents.

“I was only taking the dog for a quick walk when they rushed at me all of a sudden, asking me to confirm or deny if I’d had bacon for breakfast,” a local housewife said.

Even the local church has made a complaint. “Dorothy, who comes in to dust and do the flowers, was asked if I had been paying off the Vatican to keep quiet,” commented Reverend Neil Cushion. “St Martin’s has been Anglican since 1533.”

The journalists are also accused of abusing the hard-pressed health system. “One was rushed to A & E after claiming he had a novel in him. A thorough examination found that this was a delusion, brought on by excess alcohol consumption,” a hospital spokesman reported.

But some locals are more sympathetic. “They are the last of a generation,” reflected a Felixstowe pub landlord. “For years they earned their crust as best they knew – hounding celebrities, bribing public officials, printing false stories and tiny retractions on page 32 next to the stair lift ads, and tapping phones. But now they’ve been replaced by advertising flyers and YouTubers.”

In related news, a spokeswoman for Rupert Murdoch said that rumours he wanted to purchase Suffolk as wedding gift for new bride Jerry Hall were untrue.

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EXCLUSIVE
By Arthur Aspall, Entertainment Editor

Multi-millionaire rapper Dr Dre got the inspiration for his famous music headphones while being caught behind slow-moving farm traffic in Suffolk, we can reveal.

Talking exclusively to the Suffolk Gazette, he told for the first time how his Beets By Dray headphones were dreamt up on the A134 near Bury St Edmunds.

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“I was on vacation in the UK and driving through west Suffolk when I got held up behind this horse and cart pulling a load of beet to the Bury St Edmunds sugar beet factory.

“It is a very windy, narrow road, nothing like the eight-lane highways I am used to back in California, and I was stuck for hours.

“I was just staring at the back of this dray full of beet, and then I thought, ‘Hey, beets by dray sounds pretty cool’ – and my brand was born!”

Dr Dre’s photo of the Suffolk farmer who inspired him on the A134

When Dr Dre, 51, got back to the US, he set about putting his production plans into action, and the Beets By Dray brand sprang to life. His trendy, high-powered and colourful headphones began to sell in their millions. They became so successful that Dr Dre’s company, Beets Electronics turned over $1.5 billion in 2013 and was bought by Apple one year later.

Beets By Dray

“And I owe it all to the A134 in Suffolk and a very slow farmer,” Dr Dre said.

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He told the Suffolk Gazette he took a photograph of the farmer on that fateful day in 2008, which he has allowed us to reproduce here, and he would now like to track him down. “I’d happily return to England and reward this farmer for giving me the idea for Beets By Dray,” he said.

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