Former Tory leadership hopeful Rory Stewart has revealed “you can’t always get what you want” in politics and quit Parliament.
He now intends to be a full-time Mick Jagger lookalike and earn a respectable living.
He told the Suffolk Gazette: “It’s time to start me up on something new and time is on my side, but it won’t be for much longer.
“Demand for Jagger lookalikes beyond his early-fifties appearance era is low. I’m in my mid-forties now so I’ve still got a good few years left in me.”
With the real Sir Mick being ill recently and unavailable for public appearances, Jagger lookalikes are in high demand right now, so the timing of the career switch couldn’t have been better.
“I completed a training course in lower body and hip movement recently so I’m in good shape now to emulate the moves of The Rolling Stones frontman.
“I’ll miss sessions in the house with Boris, Raab and co, but I have a new stage to strut my stuff on now. I’ll have one farewell speech, the last time.”
Mr Stewart said he was fed-up with stories of Boris Johnson and his little red rooster, and wild horses couldn’t change his mind. Mr Stewart was particularly shocked by recent revelations concerning the Prime Minister and a pushy honky tonk woman from America. “Unlike him, it seems I can’t get no satisfaction,” he lamented.
Within minutes of the announcement, Mr Stewart was cut adrift by the House of Commons IT department, with head of IT operations Lorriane Fisher, 34, demanding he return his laptop and “get off my cloud”.
Mr Stewart was speaking to the Suffolk Gazette over a coffee (white with brown sugar) before retiring for a curry at the Ruby Tuesday in Westminster.
CCTV captured this image of the dodgy builder at the victim’s London home
By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent
A dodgy builder persuaded a vulnerable old lady that her whole roof needs replacing as a matter of urgency.
The trickster knocked on the door of the large, detached residence in central London and persuaded the elderly resident that repairs were essential.
But after marching the grey-haired great granny to a cashpoint to withdraw £200,000 as an upfront payment for the work, a group of nearby sleuths cottoned on to his devious plan and put a stop to it.
Local police spokesperson Constable Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “What sort of a person tries to trick an old lady like this?
“One of the tiles on her roof was slightly loose but he persuaded her the whole lot needed replacing. He then quoted her £200,000 which he wanted as an upfront payment. In cash.
“The poor resident was completely taken in as he seemed like a genuine sort, and she didn’t want her roof to leak.”
Constable Fisher said the builder, described as dishevelled and slightly deranged, was only stopped when 11 members of a local law society spotted what he was up to.
One of the group, a rather dour lady with a large pet spider on her jumper, gave him a right rollicking and told him he was being unlawful. She said he had told untruths to the elderly lady and should get back to his proper job immediately.
The victim had her money returned and is said to be none the worse for her ordeal.
A family friend said: “She said if he comes around here again, it’s orf with his head.”
Image: Boris part from Andrew Parsons/ i-images under CC 2.0
Suffolk just so happens to be one of the best places in the UK to dress up and celebrate the odd American holiday of Halloween, with events taking place all over the county that are far better than those across the border in Norfolk.
Of course, this year in the UK, we may be treated to a double holiday, with
All Hallows’ Eve coinciding with the infinitely scarier Brexit deadline. This
schedule clash, along with
other preparations, has led to a few tweaks in Suffolk’s packed
Halloween events line-up, so let’s check out the events that are being
staged here and the costumes that you can deploy to be both edgy but within the
boundaries of modern demands.
Stockpiling Scares in Suffolk on 31 October
Along with the pubs and clubs in Ipswich and across the county likely
putting up decorations and having kooky-coloured shots on offer, there are many
organised events taking place around Suffolk. One of the most notable is
ScaresVille: The Haunted Village, which is now, spookily, entering its 13th
year. It’s a popular event around here, taking place at Kentwell Hall each
October.
While they advise against wearing Halloween costumes, they’ve said nothing
about sporting some Brexit-wear. Why not improvise a mummy costume using Union
Jack bunting? Or better yet, you could celebrate the severing of our union with
the body of the EU by crafting a headless horseman costume? Just be careful of
where you leave your head lying around if you go with this choice, as we’re
sure Brexiteers won’t want to lose their heads on this auspicious day.
Politically
Appropriate Costumes for Halloween 2019
Picking a good, recognisable, and possibly funny costume can be very
difficult for Halloween, but there are a few key characters, and items, which
can help you stand out on the night. Avoiding inappropriate stereotypes and
being culturally considerate in the face of the impending doom of a possible
Irish backstop, the classic leprechaun costume is a perfectly apt choice this
year.
Leprechauns are cheeky little creatures, loved the nation over, much like
all of our MPs. This is most likely because they are still the main characters
in popular gambling games like
Slots O’ Gold, Rainbow Jackpots, and Rainbow Riches, allowing people to
recognise and see the fun in big green costumes and top hats.
Considering the political horror show that has been the last three years,
you need not look further than our current parliamentary representatives for
costume ideas! Want to emulate BoJo for that touch of conservatism? Simply buy
a suit three sizes too big and do nothing with your hair. Is a hard Brexit more
your speed? With a few tweaks, any old gargoyle or frog costume can be
repurposed into an impassioned Farage facade. Can’t decide on either option?
That’s great! You’ve already got your Corbyn costume sorted.
Where pop culture is concerned, Avengers Endgame will be cornering the single market as the highest-grossing film ever, so you’re bound to see a few Caps, Hulks, and Iron Men bouncing around Halloween 2019. But what about costume ideas based on our unsung heroes, the political correspondents that have had the arguably most interesting years of their lives? Swap out that Black Widow outfit and light up Twitter with a homage to Laura Kuenssberg, with most M&S suits doing the trick. Better yet, double down on the pop-culture element and go as an entirely different sort of Jon Snow!
Whatever your political leaning, one thing is for certain: October 31st,
2019 is going to be the scariest Halloween yet!
Larry the Downing Street cat has again reassured Britain that he is now running the country.
After the Supreme Court ruled Prime Minister Boris Johnson had acted illegally and lied to the Queen, Larry wanted to calm the nation’s fears.
Larry, 12, declared: “Don’t worry, Britain. I’m in charge now.”
As he has moved from his favourite doorstep outside Number 10 to take up office inside, he insisted he is the right cat for the job and would never have prrrrrrrorogued Parliament.
Larry makes his grand entrance to Number 10 earlier today
In a powerful address to the nation, he promised to bring a divided country back together.
He said: “This is the greatest honour that can come to any cat in a democracy. I know full well the responsibilities that await me as I enter the door of No. 10 and I’ll strive unceasingly to try to fulfil the trust and confidence that the British people have placed in me and the things in which I believe.
“And I would just like to remember some words of St. Francis of Assisi, which I think are really just particularly apt at the moment. ‘Where there is discord, may we bring harmony. Where there is error, may we bring truth. Where there is doubt, may we bring faith. Where there is despair, may we bring hope, and where there is an empty dish, may we bring Whiskas’.”
Larry prepares for his first Cabinet meeting
Larry’s first job, after a nap in the sunshine, will be to form his first Cabinet.
Political commentator Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Speculation is rife about who will join Larry in Cabinet. He thinks Michael Gove is a rat, so for his own safety he might like to keep away.”
It’s unclear where Larry stands on the Brexit debate. One minute he asks to go out, then he’s in, then he asks to go out again. Some campaigners fear he’ll simply push Brexit off the table. That would certainly put bookmakers in the litterbox, who have happily collected future bets while giving both remain and leave a sporting chance.
Removal teams were today arriving in Downing Street with some of Larry’s belongings to help him settle in, including a scratching post and a clockwork mouse.
Downing Street staff must expect many changes, including allowing the Prime Minister to poo in the rose garden.
Every student is looking for a university that will be the right place, will feel like home and will meet their academic aspirations. So, what are the reasons that push them forward and inspire them to make a choice?
For some of them, it is the brand name that makes students work extra hard only to get enrolled, while others simply choose a curriculum that feels right. Although Harvard and Stanford’s universities still get in the Top 5 for decades now, the effects of modern technology on the study habits of students thesis for relevant research to reveal the answers.
In practice, computer courses online like Khan Academy have popularity and enrollment that can compete with the big names. However, as the times change and there is more digital content involved, the names below are more than just brands as the big picture is in the details like community, campus life, immediate employment, and instruction that cannot be found anywhere else.
Top American universities in 2019
Harvard. Some may think that it is overrated or impossible to get enrolled, but it is not exactly so because this famous university has a definite character of free-thinking. Nevertheless, it does involve many tasks and practical work that leaves very little time for leisure. The key difference is that usual life beyond the campus is not of any difference. It is a culture, a sense of community, and a high set of standards that are expected from all, which is a reason why it differs.
Stanford. Do you remember Professor Terman who created Silicon Valley? A famous electrical engineer of the Stanford University fame once said that high quality comes first instead of a career and an income. His words speak truth because Stanford has an extensive research foundation in Engineering, Education, and even Business Management where a different academic approach is applied. Still, everything starts with planning and a lengthy list of essays that should be submitted on time. It is crucial to understand the importance of each task because it is already a research project that will be analyzed at the faculty. A solution that works safely is a custom essay writing service where an expert can check for plagiarism even if there is little time left to submit a paper. Regardless if you are stuck with an introduction outline or require dissertation help service, writing assistance online helps to avoid minor mistakes like editing and formatting.
Yale University. Most students of this top school are quite modest because it is not about t-shirts and campus, but tons of hard work and the library researching. As 2019 statistics show, Yale professors create unique assignments that cannot be found online or discussed with the former students. Choosing a good research topic is one of the greatest challenges. There are lectures with the best in the field, laboratory emulation, and voluntary practice, which forces Yale students to seek information everywhere, memorizing every useful source to keep things going! Â
Massachusetts Institute of Technology. It would not make anyone surprised that MIT always makes it to the top universities in the US because it is a non-stop research project where new students replace the ones who came before them. It is not an exaggeration since it has a unique curriculum based solely on case studies and reflective writing that should be original. It is considered the strictest US school in terms of plagiarism. It is also one of the most famous universities that publish scientific papers on a weekly basis.
Princeton University. It has one of the best alumni networks and a truly relaxed environment, compared to the aforementioned schools. While it is not among the strangest schools in the world, it is famous for its experimentation and futuristic projects.
Always consider asking for help
No matter if it is a digital platform or one of the first universities that make it to the fierce debates, universities 2019 top list still has the names that are known almost to everyone. It also reveals that modern students need innovative methods, lots of writing, and emotional intelligence because success never comes easy.
It may be challenging, take outlines and drafts, yet it is a part of the game. The most important is not to procrastinate when things get confusing and ask for help from the writing experts when one is stuck because if a person always moves forward and learns, no task is too difficult. Yale with its custom curriculum or Princeton with a wizard-like approach, the top schools in the United States are always made of its bright students and each writing assignment that has been completed. Just work hard, plan your tasks, and follow your dreams!
Connie Elser
An essay writing expert and your guide through college life who demonstrates skills and experience in any academic topic. Regardless if you need to write a dissertation or fix grammar mistakes quickly, she has all the answers. Accessible and caring, her words are always enough to help any student’s needs.
The 45 jets chartered by the Government to rescue stranded Thomas Cook customers will also be used to throw Europeans out of Britain after Brexit.
Officials say they have secured a special deal to keep the fleet of planes for an additional month so they can throw all the Europeans out of the country after October 31.
Government Brexit adviser Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “This Thomas Cook collapse is giving us perfect training, except that rather than flying hundreds of thousands into Britain, after Brexit we’ll be sending them the other way.
“We’ve got the 45 jets we secured for repatriation of stranded holidaymakers, and we’re now also putting in a cheeky bid for all of Thomas Cook’s planes as well. They won’t be needing them.
“By the end of next month, we’ll have hundreds of planes.
“Everyone from foreign places, from France to Bulgaria can be bundled on board and sent home unless they have visas to remain.”
