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Boris Johnson has big shoes to fill

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Boris Johnson big shoes

New Tory leader Boris Johnson has big shoes to fill when he becomes Prime Minister this week, it has been confirmed.

Mr Johnson officially defeated Jeremy Hunt today in the race for the Tory leadership.

And after Theresa May completes her final question time tomorrow, Mr Johnson will visit the Queen at Buckingham Palace to officially become our new PM.

Political commentator Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Mr Johnson has been told in no uncertain terms that he has big shoes to fill.

“Taking the keys to number 10 Downing Street is a serious business and he’ll do well to repeat the success of recent Prime Ministers.

“It’s really no laughing matter.”

Making his triumphant speech after the leadership votes from the Tory faithful were revealed, Mr Johnson said he was going to unite the country.

Ms Fisher added: “He should be able to crack that. It won’t be long before everyone hates him.”

Latitude Festival crowds tuck into quinoa and kale wraps

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Latitude Festival

Latitude, the famous Suffolk music festival for middle-class families, has got off to a busy start with sales of quinoa and kale wraps soaring.

With glamping pitches and the sheep painted a pretty pink colour, Latitude prides itself on being the one festival where mummy and daddy can take young Alfie and Camilla while pretending to know who the performers are.

The venue at Henham Park in north Suffolk is close to the pretty seaside resort of Southwold, which by law is reserved for wealthy Londoners’ second homes.

Crowds began arriving at Latitude today in their Volvo 4 x 4s and Audi estates. Many are staying in ‘glamping areas’ which are more like the Ritz but they can all tell their friends at home about camping out with the cool people.

Artisan chefs on-site were doing a roaring trade today in £15.99 quinoa and kale wraps, avocado on turmeric-infused sourdough bread, and spinach smoothies at £9.99 a shot.

There was also so many well-groomed children wearing pretentious Jack Wills clothing that it’s a wonder the chain is in any form of financial difficulty.

Latitude festival veteran Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “The quinoa and kale wraps are to die for. If the wind is coming from the south, you can just about make out the stench of burgers and onions from Essex. Thankfully, there’s none of that sort of thing here.

“What is George Ezra, by the way? Is it a trendy type of blueberry or Waitrose’s own brand almond butter?”

Steve Bruce put on zero-hours contract by Mike Ashley

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Mike Ashley and Steve Bruce

Mike Ashley has sensationally put new Newcastle United manager Steve Bruce on a zero-hours contract.

Ashley, who controversially used zero-hours contracts for his Sports Direct employees, has now slapped one on Bruce.

It will allow him to sack the former Crystal Palace, Aston Villa, Hull City, Sheffield United, Sheffield Wednesday, Wigan (twice), Birmingham City, Sunderland and Huddersfield Town manager whenever he likes.

Bruce, 58, will have no idea how long he will be working for and have no job security whatsoever.

League Managers’ Association insider Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Mike Ashley has been a famous proponent of zero-hours contracts with Sports Direct.

“So, it makes sense for him to appoint Steve Bruce, who replaces Rafael Benitez at St James’ Park, on the same deal.

“Basically, when Newcastle are rock-bottom of the Premier League in October, Ashley can just get rid of Bruce for nothing.”

Newcastle fans still insist they are a huge club, despite not having won a domestic trophy since 1955. To put that into context, Ipswich Town have won the top division, the FA Cup and the UEFA Cup since then.

When will Super League come to Suffolk?

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Long considered as a northern sport, rugby league has begun to take a foothold in the south, with the London Broncos now proudly representing southern England in the Super League.

With the competition recently expanding beyond London to include Catalans Dragons and with the Toronto Wolfpack currently on the brink of making it to the top flight, we ask whether a Super League team could be coming to Suffolk in the near future.

The current state of Super League

With the majority of the Super League season now played, St Helens currently lead the league, followed by Warrington Wolves in second and Hull FC in third. Although there are still eight games to play, the latest rugby league odds suggest that St Helens remain heavy favourites to take the title from Wigan Warriors, who were champions last season.

However, although this may sound like business as usual between the same teams as always, lower down in the table, we can see some interesting positions. When Catalans Dragons first entered the Super League in the 2006 season, they comfortably finished bottom of the table, only winning six games. However, they were handed a three-year exemption, which meant they could not be relegated.

Since then, they have built on their team and, as well as winning the Challenge Cup last season, they are currently fourth in the Super League, comfortably ahead of prestigious teams such as Leeds Rhinos and Hull Kingston Rovers, who are battling in the relegation places with London Broncos.

So, with Catalans proving the successes of expansion, London Broncos holding their own representing the south and the Toronto Wolfpack currently leading the league in the division below, could we soon see rugby league come to Suffolk as the next expansion destination?

When will we see a Suffolk-based Super League team?

Although not as prevalent as rugby union in the region, there are several amateur rugby league clubs in Suffolk. Most notably, Bury Titans and Eastern Rhinos both play at a high amateur level, with the Eastern Rhinos now competing in the Southern Conference League, which used to be the highest level of amateur rugby in the south of England.

In recent years, we’ve also seen the Rugby Football League invest heavily in rugby league in the south of the country, with the creation of the Southern Conference League forming part of this. Overall, the creation of this new competition aims to showcase the quality of rugby league in the south of the country, while also improving the standard through lengthening the playing season and increasing competition.

Although this competition will undoubtedly raise the profile of rugby league in the south of England, one key development has been the formation of a number of junior clubs in the area, which can help to lure good players away from the rugby union setups that currently dominate in Suffolk. However, although these developments are welcome and the standard of amateur rugby league is high, no team is yet on the precipice of joining the professional ranks.

Overall then, it appears as though it could be a little while before we see a Super League team from Suffolk. However, it’s clear that solid foundations are in place across the area and, if the quick-fire success of the Catalans Dragons and Toronto Wolfpack are anything to go by when the professional leagues do come to Suffolk, it will catch on quickly.

Tommy Robinson should be UK ambassador, says Donald Trump

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US President Donald Trump has revealed he wants jail-bound Tommy Robinson to be Britain’s new ambassador to the US.

As the diplomatic row with the UK exploded following leaked emails from current ambassador Sir Kim Darroch, Mr Trump has made clear who he wants in the top Washington job.

A Whitehouse insider said: “Tommy Robinson yesterday appealed for political asylum in the US because he’s about to be imprisoned in the UK for contempt of court.

“The President is fond of right-wing British activists and believes he can go one step further, and facilitate a deal for Mr Robinson to become British ambassador to the US.

“It’s a perfect solution – saving the poor young man from Jihadi death squads in prison AND offering him a cushy new job in the US.

“The Trump supporters here in America will love him.

“And best of all, it means we see the back of dimwitted Darroch, who had the temerity to call Mr Trump’s Presidency inept, dysfunctional, faction-riven, clumsy and unpredictable.”

Mr Trump famously retweeted Britain First, a far-right group, and has previously suggested Nigel Farage should take the Foreign Office role in the US.

Mr Robinson claims being sent to prison in the UK will be a “death sentence”.

He will learn his fate this week after being found guilty of contempt of court when he filmed defendants accused of the sexual exploitation of young girls and live-streamed the footage, in breach of a reporting ban, outside Leeds Crown Court in May 2018.

Two possible hitches over Robinson becoming our man in Washington – he has assault and mortgage fraud convictions in the UK and once tried to enter America with a false passport.

Trump gets controversial Independence Day gift from Boris Johnson

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Independence Day
Boris Johnson’s Independence Day gift to Donald Trump

Toy models fan Boris Johnson has sent a controversial Independence Day gift to US President Donald Trump.

Mr Johnson, who hopes to become the next British Prime Minister, dispatched a box of British Infantry Regiment model soldiers to the White House.

The box features the fearsome Brits who single-handedly took on the enemy in the American War of Independence.

It was our brave actions that enabled America to be free of evil foreign oppression.

Now, Mr Trump can play with the toy Brit soldiers on his desk in the Oval Office. He can re-enact key battles from the war, made famous by the glorious British red coats.

Military historian Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “If Mr Johnson is to become Prime Minister, he’ll need to get along well with Mr Trump.

“Sharing a passion for models, though Mr Trump prefers those to be two-legged and female, is a good way to start.

“I’m sure Mr Trump will love these toy soldiers, a wonderful reminder from Britain about how we managed to win the war for America and its people.”

Mr Johnson revealed recently how he liked to make his own models – of cardboard buses.

Norfolk man missing for five weeks after visiting escape room

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Dudley Spuckler, in happier times

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

A man who visited an escape room has been missing for five weeks, it has emerged.

Suffolk Police have put out an alert for Dudley Spuckler, 29, who hasn’t been able to work out how to get out since entering the puzzle complex in May.

Mr Spuckler, from Downham Market in Norfolk, was treated to a visit to the Ipswich escape room for a birthday surprise.

But after entering the room, he was so bamboozled by the codes and various clues he was unable to find his way out.

Now, he has been trapped somewhere in the industrial estate complex for five weeks and officers are keen to find him.

“His family are concerned about his whereabouts,” explained a Suffolk Police spokesman.

“Normally visitors are able to solve all the puzzles and clues to get out of an escape room in an hour.

“But Mr Spuckler is from Norfolk and found the whole thing utterly confusing.

“Staff went looking for him and have no idea where he went.”

Anyone with information is urged to contact police.

Horse race betting explained

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Horse races and betting is a love story that’s been going on for centuries. Going to the races has almost always been associated with betting. From regular punters to the elite, the world stakes billions on horse races each year.

Of course, before you go deeper in horse betting, you need to understand the basics first. The art of horse race betting isn’t something you can learn in a day or two. It takes a lot of learning and practice, so it’s safe to say that you won’t be able to make money right off the bat.

Almost all horse racing betting offers are pari-mutuel bets. This means that the prize money is shared proportionally among the winners. According to estimates, there are over $100 billion of bets placed on horse races annually which makes it quite a lucrative industry. There’s a lot of money to be made in horse racing, but only if you’re patient and stake on the right bets.

Horse Race Betting Basics

Before you go deeper into horse betting, you need to learn more about your favourite’s form. Factors such as the horse’s diet, constitution, soundness, and proneness to injuries may all make or break an excellent racehorse. Even if a bookie favours one horse rather than others, you should check all other competitors before you make a decision.

The race card is another thing to consider. If you can’t read it, chances are you won’t be able to place a proper bet. For those of you unaware, it is a printed card used in horse racing that provides information about the races and horses that compete in each. Race cards are often published in newspapers and contain information such as the horse’s name, weight, age, and its recent form (among other things). Learn how to read the race card and things will be much simpler when you decide to bet.

How to Win at Horse Race Betting

Once you’ve mastered the basics, it’s time to place your stake. First, you’ll need to pick a race and trust us, options are aplenty. You can bet on local races and worldwide cups – it’s just a question of how good the odds are. Choose your races carefully and just like in any sport, don’t trust the favourite only. Anything can happen in a horse race, and it’s not always the best horse that wins.

As a matter of fact, there have been many long shots in races such as the Kentucky Derby that have stunned punters and the public. For example, Donerail, the 1913 Kentucky Derby winner, won at odds of 91-1, which, as you can guess, made many people pretty rich.

Before you even consider placing a bet, you’ll have to set limits for yourself. Horse race betting, like all types of betting, can be highly addictive. You will find yourself chasing your losses after a short time if you aren’t careful with your budget, and you don’t want that to happen. Chasing your losses will put you in perpetual failure, with mounting debts you can’t get out of. Stay within your daily, weekly or monthly budget, though, and this won’t happen. Never go over the limit and remember – do it for fun, not for money.

Once you’re all set and ready to go, place a bet on your favourite and watch the race. You can do this either by visiting the racetrack which is the way to go or place a bet online and watch a stream of the race. Of course, if the operator has it. All that’s left is to wait and see if your horse wins. With each win, you’ll get better and better at it, which will hopefully translate to bigger and better wins.