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Annoyingly, everyone on social media thinks you want to know they have voted

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polling station

All your annoying friends have clogged up your social media feeds with the revelation that they have gone out and voted, it has emerged.

They seem to think the rest of us are fascinated to know they have taken the trouble to exercise their democratic right.

Many have also used the opportunity to tell us which way we should vote, too.

Social media user Lorraine Fisher, 34, sighed: “The majority of adults in Britain vote at a general election.

“So quite why people think we’re intrigued to know they have voted today is beyond me.

“Some even take a selfie outside the polling station, just in case we had no idea what voting is about.

“And if one more person crops up on Facebook telling me why I’d be ignorant not to agree with their political views, I shall scream.”

Political experts have reassured Ms Fisher and other users of Facebook and Twatter that things are not likely to improve any time soon.

One explained: “Those who backed the losing side will spend the next weeks crying about how everyone else was wrong or somehow duped by false information.”

Business tips for growing SMEs

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growing a business

Running a small or medium-sized enterprise comes with a whole host of challenges which larger corporations do not need to face. Growing the company successfully can be one of those challenges. Here are some business tips you can use when trying to grow your SME.

Focus on your niche

When you started your business, it would have been to focus on one particular area. You might have noticed a gap in the market for a certain product or service and started your company to build on that. As the business naturally grew, you might have been tempted to add in some others.

While this is sensible as it does encourage business growth, it can be dangerous if you try to add too much all at once. By limiting what your business can offer, you can focus on making those assets the best they can possibly be. It will nearly always be better for you to offer several specialised and expert services over many mediocre ones.

Have enough space

One problem a business can run into when they expand too quickly is that they can be left without enough space. Employees can end up cramped together in too-small offices or they may even be left without desks in some extreme situations.

Finding new office space can be difficult, especially if you are jumping up quite significantly to accommodate for a new influx of staff, so you might have to look into some alternate solutions. Self storage options can be great if you need somewhere to store office documents or supplies for manufacture. If you have a lot of new staff, you might want to start by offering them flexible working or a work-from-home schedule so they are always going to be as comfortable as possible.

Sort out your SEO

Frustrated with the amount of traffic your website has? If you want to grow your business then you are going to need the traffic to do so. Whether you are hiring an SEO specialist to be a permanent part of your team or you acquire the services of an agency for some quick fixes, there is plenty you can do to help.

There are several key areas you can make improvements without their expertise. For example, you should fill in your Google My Business information. This is a free tool from Google which can provide many key pieces of information to customers about your business. A description of the business, reviews, and opening times are all key areas which can be added to this. These can make your business all the more visible on Google and can be a great start when trying to actively grow your business.

Social media

The world of social media has many opportunities for businesses so it is important that you learn how to use them to your fullest advantage. Instagram is one of the biggest social media platforms of the moment. It allows you to reach an amazing number of people all while displaying and demonstrating your products fully. No matter what your business might be, if you have a product to sell you should definitely take a look at what Instagram can offer you.

Growing an SME is likely to be a marathon and not a sprint. Make sure that everything is planned out properly so you can be certain that an expansion like this is going to go off without a hitch. No matter how much you are planning to grow your business, it will always be worth it in the end. Use some of the tips listed above and get ready to expand your SME now.

Redistributing the £4bn Houses of Parliament refurb could instead help Suffolk’s housing crisis

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Redistributing, or matching, the £4bn that is to be spent on the Houses of Parliament renovation to help with the UK’s housing deficit could instead build 40,000 three-bed houses. This could house 121,000 of the UK’s homeless based on the UK average of three per property, Pure Commercial Finance’s research finds.

Cities in Suffolk that were analysed include Ipswich, whose housing deficit could be improved by 67%, Lowestoft by 169%, and Bury St Edmunds by a huge 281%, if the money was matched and spent on building affordable homes.

The research also uncovered that the average price to build a three-bedroom house in the UK is £99,843.75, based on internal data.

Ben Lloyd, Managing Director of Pure Commercial Finance has commented on this saying: “We deal with professional developers every day and we are well-aware of the demand for affordable housing across the UK and the influence that Brexit is having on borrowing.

“Although we would never suggest cancelling the refurbishment of such a prized national monument, we were shocked to see how matching the refurbishment budget could help towards solving the deficit.”

homeless person

Some smaller towns in the country could be housed four times over due to their smaller populations. Some of these towns include Caerphilly, Pontypridd, Barnstaple and Chichester.

Government figures reveal that 430,000 homes have been built since 2010, although housing charity, Shelter, estimates that there is still a deficit of 3.2m homes and suggests that there are still around 320,000 homeless in the UK – with 170,000 being in London alone.

Polly Neate, CEO of Shelter, has also commented on this by saying: “It is unforgivable that 320,000 people in the UK have been swept up by the housing crisis and now have no place to call home. These new figures show that homelessness is having a devastating impact on the lives of people right across the country.”

Boris Johnson agrees to one last TV appearance with the BBC

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Boris Johnson on Would I Lie to You?
Boris Johnson and the Would I Lie to You? stars, David Mitchell, Rob Brydon and Lee Mack

Boris Johnson has relented to mounting pressure and agreed to one last TV appearance with the BBC – on Would I Lie to You?

Mr Johnson has come under increasing pressure for avoiding scrutiny ahead of Thursday’s general election.

But he has chosen to appear on a programme where he will shine.

Telling porkies is the name of the game on the show hosted by Rob Brydon, and this time Mr Johnson can do so AND be applauded.

It’s not yet known if Mr Johnson will be on Lee Mack or David Mitchell’s team for the special episode, which airs on BBC1 tomorrow night.

BBC make-up artist Lorraine Fisher, 34, confirmed the Tory leader is a panellist on this week’s show.

“I did his blusher before filming. I didn’t have much time as I was detained by the other special guest, Prince Andrew, who was sweating profusely and needed it covering up.”

It is believed Mr Johnson didn’t do very well during the filming, with guests spotting he was lying from a mile off.

A show insider said: “The title of the show is Would I Lie to You?. And in Boris’ case, the answer is always, ‘Yes!'”

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Dear readers, before you get cross, we also regularly take the mickey out of Jeremy Corbyn.

Boris Johnson adds pavements to the many things he has mounted

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Boris Johnson mount pavement
Boris Johnson and pavement (Photo: European Cyclists Federation, licensed under CC BY 2.0)

By Bernie Legg, Cycling Correspondent

After a lifetime of mounting women, Boris Johnson now admits to mounting pavements as well.

The Prime Minister said mounting pavements was the naughtiest things he had ever done, in an interview with Sky’s Sophy Ridge.

Political observers suggested mounting women who were not his wife was probably naughtier than mounting a pavement.

“But it just goes to show that Boris will mount anything,” said political activist Lorraine Fisher, 34.

“Now, it’s becoming increasingly clear than Boris will f*ck the whole country in five days time.”

However, Conservative campaigners played down the admission.

One said: “Mounting a pavement surely is not as bad as running through a field of wheat?”

Only one more week of friends shoving politics down your throat on Facebook

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Facebook users preaching politics
Angry Facebook friend lecturing you about how to vote

Britain was celebrating today as it emerged there’s only one more week of putting up with friends preaching their political views on Facebook.

With the general election now just six days away, it is believed Facebook will once again become a safe haven for people to boast about holidays, what they cooked for dinner and their kids’ first day at school.

UK Facebook users have become increasingly switched off by people on their feed telling them who to vote for, or labelling them as dumb for having a different view.

Facebook fan Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “I’ve got people telling me anyone voting Conservative is a selfish bigot, and others saying by voting for Labour I’m a raving loony lefty.

“Whatever happened to the days when everyone kept their political views to themselves?

“Now it’s millions of silly memes, boring political videos and overblown hyperbole. What a waste of time – does anyone ever change their voting intention because of some shite a friend has posted on Facebook?

“I’m sick and tired of it and the election can’t come soon enough.”

A Facebook insider said: “Don’t worry. Once this selfish ranting has finished, we’ll have some snow and everyone will start posting fascinating pictures of their garden looking like the Arctic.”

Casinos, gaming and the dangers of the Tetris effect within Suffolk

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We here at the Suffolk Gazette are big fans of gaming, ever since playing touch the electric fence as children. Mild electrical burns aside, we’re happy to see the modern age is one which makes gaming far easier and more convenient than ever before.

From casino games to mobile video games, every facet of this hobby is now streamlined on an entirely new scale.

A potential major issue here, however, is the growing threat of the Tetris effect, a psychological issue which has been seeing a jump in prevalence throughout the county.

For readers unaware, the Tetris effect refers to a psychological phenomenon whereby continued heavy exposure to a game begins to modify a person’s cognitive patterns, thoughts, images, and dreams.

This concept stemmed from the international hit of Tetris after fans found themselves breaking into supermarkets at night so that they might better rearrange the bread.

As it turns out, this was just the start.

The Roulette Effect

A Halesworth man (David McGee), whose family wishes for him to remain anonymous, ran into trouble recently after he was taken by the excitement of playing roulette online. Following one particularly fortuitous run, McGee attempted to celebrate by removing his pants and painting the local livestock, having them run clockwise around a field in an attempt to increase the scale of the game. 

McGee was eventually restrained by local authorities, after which it was revealed that an accidental mega-dose of caffeine probably played the key part in his obsession.

The Pokémon Effect

Making international headlines was an Ixworth woman, 24, who had to be sectioned after starting what has widely been labelled as an animal-fighting ring.

Gathering over 40 different species from the surrounding area, the unnamed Ixworthian had removed her pants and set up a sophisticated arena and seating area within which she invited friends and media.

Luckily enough, no animals were hurt before the woman was apprehended. Only one fight went through and, as it turned out, fighting a bird type against a ghost type was a predictably harmless pursuit.

The Farmville Effect

Bob Handsaw, 45, was perhaps the most unusual case of the Tetris effect seen in recent years. This Ipswich native began his obsession with the Facebook farming game Farmville after being bedridden following a motorcycle accident.

While he originally claimed to play “as a joke”, Handsaw’s Farmville life continued well after his physical rehabilitation was complete.

After a non-stop 46-hour play session, Handsaw was spotted leaving his home in what appeared to be a drunken stupor. Three days later, Handsaw was found pantsless at a Hadleigh farm, having singlehandedly turned five open fields into fully fertilised and well-planted farmland.

It is currently unknown how he managed this without tools, nor is it known how or where he managed to obtain several tonnes worth of apple, lemon, and orange trees.

At this point in time, avoiding these effects seems as simple as two basic steps. The first is having a general limit on consecutive game time, and the second is not consuming enough caffeine to kill a gorilla.

Do this, and your roulette, Pokémon, Tetris, or Farmville and other gaming time will be far less likely to result in embarrassing your family or raising your trouser budget.

AP McCoy: A life in horse racing

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AP McCoy in action
AP McCoy in action (Photo: commons.wikmedia)

There are few more recognisable faces in horse racing than AP McCoy. Now retired, the jockey was an iconic figure in the sport for many years, winning countless races as he became one of horse racing’s most recognisable personalities. He is one of the sport’s most decorated winners, with a whole host of titles to his name.

McCoy can still be found at the races in his TV punditry role, keeping an eye on the favourites in horse racing betting odds and providing his expert opinions for the viewers at home. Let’s take a look back at McCoy’s incredible career as a jockey.

Early days

Born in County Antrim in Northern Ireland, McCoy was 17 when he rode his first winner, claiming victory in a flat race at Ireland’s Thurles Racecourse. It was obvious that McCoy was a talented jockey, and he enjoyed success in his home country before moving to England to focus on his jumps career.

In only his second season in England, McCoy was named Champion Jockey, an accolade given to the jockey who has ridden the most winners in the season. It was an incredible achievement for McCoy, who was only 21 years old at the time.

Winning machine

After that first Champion Jockey title, the wins kept on coming for McCoy. He became a winning machine – his class unparalleled throughout the sport. McCoy won the Champion Jockey title for a remarkable 20 consecutive seasons, a run bookended by wins in the 1995-96 and 2014-15 seasons. It is the record for most successive Champion Jockey titles, and he also holds the record for most wins in a single season with an impressive 289 in the 2001-02 campaign.

Such a run of consistent success is unrivalled. For sheer results, McCoy is right up there with the greats of other individual sports – the likes of Roger Federer in tennis, Tiger Woods in golf, or Stephen Hendry in snooker.

Grand National triumph

McCoy won the Grand National, one of the biggest and most prestigious events on the horse racing calendar, in 2010. Riding Don’t Push It, he ticked off another achievement on his racing bucket list, and joined the names of all the great winners of the past.

It was McCoy’s first win in the race at the 15th attempt, but it cemented his place among the greatest jockeys of all-time. It had been the one achievement missing off his horse racing CV and winning the race brought major relief for the Northern Irishman.

“Everyone on the street knows about the Grand National,” he said after winning at Aintree. “It’s the people’s race and, from a jockey’s perspective, that’s why it’s important. At least I can think that I’ve sort of done all right as a jockey now.”

Individual accolades

His success on the racetrack has brought recognition in the wider sporting world. In 2010, following his victory at the Grand National, he was named the BBC ‘Sports Personality of the Year’. He became the first jockey to win the award, proof of the massive impact he’s had on horse racing and the sport as a whole. In 2015, he received the ‘Lifetime Achievement’ award. In his homeland, he was named RTE ‘Sports Person of the Year’ in 2013.

McCoy has since been given a knighthood, receiving the honour in 2016 after he retired from horse racing and becoming only the second jockey to be knighted. For horse racing fans all over the world, McCoy’s name is one synonymous with success and achievements. His was a career well spent doing what he loves, and doing it better than anyone else.