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Christmas saved as Santa receives COVID vaccine

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Children across Britain can look forward to Christmas now because Santa has been vaccinated against COVID-19.

Father Christmas was secretly the first person to get his vaccine shot, ahead of the much-publicised Margaret Keenan.

But health officials kept it quiet so non-believers were not offended that he had jumped the queue.

The Suffolk Gazette can reveal Santa flew into Suffolk to receive his shot at a secret location. His doctor urged him to get the vaccine as he is now of a certain age – and slightly overweight.

Medic Dr Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It is a great relief, particularly for children everywhere, that Father Christmas will be fit and well, and undertaking his busy delivery schedule on Christmas Day.

“There were fears that he would be self-isolating in Lapland but now, thanks to Pfizer, Christmas is saved.”

An insider at the vaccination centre said Santa had been very brave.

“He rolled up his red sleeve with a ‘Ho, ho, ho’ and chatted to the team as the injection went in.

“He will now remain fit as a fiddle for Christmas.”

Suffolk Gazette Christmas gifts

You can help Santa out by getting the Suffolk Gazette to send you some Christmas gifts. Our mug selection from Dirty Old Goat is splendid. They make ideal gifts, and come with free handles and everything. Visit the online mugs shop or purchase below. We deliver via Royal Mail, letting Santa get on with sorting out the kids’ presents.

Matt Hancock blames pub trade for snow

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Dog in snow

Health Secretary Matt Hancock has blamed yesterday’s snowfall on the pub and hospitality trade.

He warned of further clampdowns on pubs to make sure the snow does not spread any further.

Hancock’s spokeswoman, Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We have all pulled together and been through so much to stop the snow.

“But still it came out of the sky yesterday. Quite clearly this is because a few people went to well-managed, safe pubs, rather than rubbing shoulders with hundreds of people all touching the products in Primark.

“We have no choice but to close pubs for the whole of winter, and probably into spring, in case it snows again.”

Pub landlord Steve Walshe responded: “This is sledging of the highest order.

“We get blamed for everything.”

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5 tools that will help run your small business more effectively

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Running a small business

As a small business owner, you wear many hats—and not just to make a fashion statement. We don’t have to tell you how much work it takes to keep your company running like a well-oiled machine. Thankfully, there are a ton of great tools you can use to make your life easier and your business stronger.

Take a look at these five useful tools that can make your small business better.

#1 Communication channels

Once upon a time, email revolutionized the workforce. Nowadays, there are simpler, more efficient, and ultimately better options available for internal communication. Consider utilizing an internal communication service like Slack to connect with your team more easily. Here’s how:

  • Direct messaging options for either one-on-one conversations or small groups
  • File sharing capabilities, from Google Drive, Dropbox, and more
  • The ability to create unlimited channels with specific purposes
  • Opportunities for morale-boosting fun; consider making a social channel for non-work-related messages or hosting a silly contest once a week

#2 Project management platforms

If you still rely on a planner and sticky notes to keep your to-do list in order, we have news for you: there are tools that make project management so much more efficient. Monday is one service among many that makes it easy to prioritize projects, delegate tasks, and guarantee that you never miss a deadline. Plus, it’s great for getting your team on the same page.

#3 Optimised payroll services

If you don’t remember much from your freshman year “Intro to Accounting” course, don’t worry. The right tools can help you keep payroll, taxes, and expenses organized and accounted for (no pun intended). If you’re still using a spreadsheet to manage invoices or track your employees’ hours, switching to a payroll service will revolutionize your workflow.

Whether payday is once a week or once a month, payroll is a never-ending task. As great as getting paid is, having to cut checks can feel like a chore. Not only will using business payroll services save you from facing scores of administrative nightmares, but it’ll also save your employees from the stress of wondering when (and sometimes if) their payment is coming.

Payroll management

#4 Strategic marketing services

Attracting customers and acquiring new clients is essential for any company. And while we all recognize bad marketing when we see it, it’s not quite as easy to generate good ideas ourselves.

There’s an undeniable art to marketing. Devising a successful marketing strategy can be difficult for people who haven’t dedicated their careers to the trade. If you don’t want to hire a professional marketing team, there are still plenty of services you can use to help increase your visibility, including:

  • Email marketing tools like Mailchimp
  • Website creation platforms with blog functionality
  • SEO monitoring services, including SerpStat

#5 Streamlined hiring platforms

You want the best employees for your team, but sometimes the right candidates are nowhere to be found. If you want to hire top talent, you’ll need to do more than post an ad in the newspaper or whatever the Internet equivalent of hanging a “Help Wanted” sign in the window is. Job boards are a great place to start, but you should also consider utilizing a hiring platform like JazzHR. Doing so will allow you to:

  • Post detailed position descriptions
  • Easily access and search through high-quality applicant pools
  • Rank and track candidates in a streamlined system
  • Create a consistent experience for all potential employees
  • Correspond with applications and set up interviews

This way, you’ll be able to focus on the candidate in front of you, not the job search logistics. Plus, first impressions are important, so using HR software will show potential hires that your company is organized from the moment they click “See More” on your job description.

Smooth sailing from here on out

Whether you decide to use one or all of the tools above, you’re going to notice your small business operating more efficiently. It might take a little time to learn how to integrate these resources into your everyday workflow but doing so will pay off when you start seeing better results with less time and effort.

Just because it’s a small business doesn’t mean you can’t achieve big things.

Internet crashes as Brits inform each other it is snowing

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bit of snow in Suffolk
White out: this Suffolk garden looks like the Arctic

The internet ground to a halt today as everybody informed everyone else that it is, indeed, snowing.

At least one millimetre of the white stuff was enough to encourage everyone to take a photograph of their garden and post in on social media.

The extraordinary revelation that is is cold and snowing – in December of all times – was missed by everybody else because they were too busy posting their own photo.

“Winter is finally here,” declared social media junkie Lorraine Fisher, 34. “Can 2020 get any worse?”

She posted a photograph of her back garden looking like it had received a light dusting of snow.

But the desperation to relay the weather has crashed the internet. Social media platforms became, er, snowed under with crap photos.

Snowed in? Buy some Christmas gifts

Yes, our Suffolk Gazette mugs work perfectly in all weathers. They make splendid Christmas presents, so visit the Dirty Old Goat mugs website or buy direct from the images below. All mugs come with FREE HANDLES and can be used with the left or right hand. Bargain!

Adolf Hitler wins election in Namibia – you really couldn’t make it up

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Mr Hitler’s votes (Photo: Electoral Commission of Namibia)

As if 2022 couldn’t get any worse, Adolf Hitler has gone and won an election in Namibia.

Real-life is now getting so bizarre it is increasingly difficult and pointless for satiral publications like the Suffolk Gazette to make anything up.

This Mr Hitler claims he is not seeking world domination, he just wants to introduce some improvements to his regional council in Namibia, in south west Africa.

Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler?

That’s how the first Adolf started out before things got a little out of hand.

The African politician was named Adolf Hitler Uunona by his father, whom he claims would not have known the significance of the name.

Namibia is a former German colony, but since Hitler was Austrian it seems odd that this was just a random Germanic name picked out of an Alpine hat.

Mr Hitler Mk II picked up a landslide 85% of the vote for the ruling SWAPO in a regional council election in Oshana.

“Just because I have this name does not mean I want to conquer Oshana,” he said. “It doesn’t mean I’m striving for world domination.”

The next weird thing we expect before the year’s end is for Boris Johnson to return to the UK from Namibia waving a piece of paper proclaiming: “Peace for our time.”

4 things a player needs to keep in mind about online casino licenses

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casino games

As a player, evaluating the background of online casino licenses is crucial. With this evaluation process, it will be easy to determine that a gambling site is legit through its license.

Even though this process is complex as it requires a lot of research, as a player residing in Norway, it’s necessary to make use of legit gambling sites. Using online casino sites that have proper licenses allows you to avoid issues associated with fake online casino platforms. The license of any online casino indicates more than it being a legit gambling site.

Real money is related to the use of any online casino, so verifying website information is necessary. A lot of fraudsters are going around the internet with fakes websites looking for prey to take advantage of. However, by knowing everything a Norwegian player needs to keep in mind about online casino licenses, you can avoid unnecessary trouble. Here are what you need to keep in mind about casino licenses:

  1. Reputation

If there’s one thing a player needs to do, it’s investing in an honest online casino with an impeccable reputation. Online casinos with proper licenses automatically earn a reputation that allows players to utilize their service without worrying about losing money to tricky cybercriminals. As a player researching the reputation of online casinos in Norway based on the written independent reviews by bloggers and website owners, you should keep in mind that these reviews can be fabricated. However, an online casino with accurate licenses gives their players all they need to gamble safely.

  1. Ability to protect players

To play online casinos real money is required to generate a return base on luck. It’s the main reason why most people take gambling as an investment that depends on luck. According to our Norwegian expert Jørgen Aasgen, who is a guest post expert with in-depth knowledge about online casinos. The license of online casinos can indicate its ability based on its security protocols in protecting its players. No player would want to bet real money on a casino that has no adequate security for its players.

All actions performed in an online casino involves real money, starting from the depositing of funds to its withdrawal. Any player will want to make use of the best honest online casino that implements adequate security protocol for protecting its user’s gambling activities.

  1. Licenses differ from each other

It’s not a new thing that most online casinos have different licenses, which indicates different things in the eyes of a player. While some licenses indicate that an online casino is legally approved to operate in a specific region, others might prove different such as adequate security. For example, the Norwegian betting sider casino is among the trending legit gambling sites that have more than one license, which boosts its reputation as a legally approved online casino.

  1. Legality

The license of online casinos indicates whether it is legal or illegal to utilize the services of the casino in a specific country. Therefore, verifying this information at the initial stage before playing with any online casinos in Norway is crucial. If possible reach for trending online casino tips to gather more information about the license of a specific gambling site before using their service as a player. Before any online casino starts to operate in a specific region, it must adhere to the requirements made by gambling regulators to obtain an approved license as a legit gambling site.

 Conclusion

As a player, it’s necessary to research any online casino based on its licenses before making use of their service as indicated above. The information associated with casino licenses will prove its legality to operate as a casino in Norway.

4 benefits of smoking CBD hemp flower

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Hemp flower

The CBD craze never seems to be able to die down. It’s like the moment people get used to one thing or another regarding Cannabidiol, researchers figure something new out and manufacturers rush to launch new products on the market.

Nowadays, for example, Cannabidiol consumers are increasingly turning towards smoking CBD hemp flowers instead of taking oils, tinctures and similar.

That seems to be a good idea: https://www.thecannifornian.com/cbd/is-smoking-hemp-flower-a-good-way-to-consume-cbd/

If you have heard about this practice, but you aren’t sure whether it would be the right thing for you to do, I suggest you read on. After all, there’s no point in trying something without first learning more about it. Given the general interest in Cannabidiol, I can say with certainty that you probably already know a few things about it. Yet, when it comes to smoking the flower, you might not be that knowledgeable.

So, it’s time to learn. We are going to look into the benefits of smoking CBD hemp flower, so that you can decide for yourself whether it is a good idea or not. As you will quickly see, there seem to be quite a few good reasons why people are engaging in this activity, so if you are feeling a bit skeptic right now, I suggest you hold off your conclusions until you have read about the benefits.

It’s relaxing

There’s no denying the fact that we are all under a lot of pressure and stress from time to time, if not even on a daily basis. The lives we are all leading tend to get hectic and stressful, which can certainly take a toll on our whole mood. Well, it appears that smoking CBD hemp flower can help us relax and that’s certainly an important reason why people love it. If you view this page, you will see that it’s not the only reason, but it definitely is a significant one.

Cannabidiol is generally known for its soothing and calming effects. Yet, those effects are much quicker to kick in when it is smoked, rather than when it is used in a different form. In fact, smoking CBD hemp flower will provide you with instant relief from the stress that has been building up. Remember, though, that this is in no way similar to getting high, since there is usually no THC in these products.

It promotes sleep

Having trouble sleeping isn’t exactly surprising, especially not given the stress that we deal with during the day. Sometimes stress is the reason and sometimes it isn’t, but there is one thing for sure. Nobody likes lying in their bed with their eyes closed and hoping that they will succeed in falling asleep sometime soon. This is certainly frustrating, isn’t it?

Once again, smoking CBD hemp flower might be the answer to this issue. Instead of simply starting at the ceiling and praying that sleep will overcome you at a certain point, you can get your favorite flower, puff it a few times and then observe how the relaxing effects kick in and how you drift off to sleep in no time. We all need this kind of a push from time to time.

It helps relieve pain

Among other medicinal properties and among other CBD hemp flower benefits, it’s worth mentioning that it can be extremely useful when it comes to treating pain. From the pain in your muscles and joints after workouts to headaches and stomach aches, Cannabidiol seems to be able to solve it all. That is certainly a huge plus, especially since we have already determined that the effects are quick to kick in. To put things simply, CBD hemp flower is like your personal, instant pain killer.

It helps mitigate addiction

As much as you have already heard about Cannabidiol and its amazing effects, you probably haven’t heard a lot about it being able to fight addiction. Above all types of addiction, this product is mostly helpful in mitigating nicotine addiction, since it can serve as a much healthier substitute to the cigarettes that people are consuming. This can be extremely significant since a large number of people are struggling with nicotine addiction all over the world and finding a healthy substitute isn’t that easy.

At last! A phone you can’t lose or break

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Rings a bell: new telephone invented in Suffolk

They said it couldn’t be done, but a Suffolk company has invented a new type of telephone that you can never lose and is almost impossible to break.

The phone is attached to a wall by a sturdy cable and is designed to be placed on a table in the hallway so that you always know where it is.

This clever position also allows you to have a conversation in private without the whole house having to listen.

And it means you will no longer be forced to sound like a pompous idiot by speaking loudly on a phone on a train or in the pub.

Despite its many hi-tech advantages, the phone is considerably cheaper than other devices available in the shops, and the manufacturers claim it will never need expensive upgrades.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, managing director of Back to the Future Telephonics Ltd, of Felixstowe, said: “This new device has everything, even a clock. You need only to dial what we are calling the Speaking Clock to have a human voice tell you the exact time.”

The telephone comes in a range of vibrant colours, so long as it’s beige. It never loses its signal and, amazingly, never even needs charging up. Furthermore, you can drop it time and again and it will never break.

“We believe this is a game-changer for every household or business in the country,” Ms Fisher, 34, said.

She added that a further benefit was the telephone came with just one ringtone – two bell-like rings – which meant there could never be any confusion when it rang.

The telephone is packed with neat design features, including a clever rotary dial that you move with your index finger in order to ring another number. “This is very tactile,” Ms Fisher, 34, explained, “and our test groups loved it. Part of the fun is dialing the number one, for example, then waiting a second or two as you watch the dial return to the start.”

Back to the Future Telephonics is now in advanced talks with British Telecom to have their devices installed in every home. The company hopes BT will then introduce a big book each year which lists everyone’s phone number – and in case you forget your own number, there is a little piece of paper in the middle of the dial so you can note it down.

The news is the most exciting to come out of Suffolk since it was revealed an elderly woman had become the first to circumnavigate the county by bus.

Buy a gift mug for Christmas

The Suffolk Gazette’s mugs are flying off the shelves, heading to lucky people all over Britain in time for Christmas. You can buy ideal presents or stocking fillers from the Dirty Old Goat website, or by purchasing directly below…