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Struggling John Lewis hires Spuckler brothers for cheap Christmas ad campaign

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Norfolk brothers Billy Bob and Bubba Spuckler

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Under-pressure John Lewis has hired the two Spuckler brothers from Norfolk for this year’s Christmas ad campaign.

After announcing staff would not get a bonus for the first time since 1953, the retailer could not be seen to squander millions on marketing.

John Lewis lost £635 million in the first half of this year, so as part of a cost-cutting drive, it will now feature the Spucklers in a moving advert storyline that will leave TV viewers in tears.

Bubba and Billy Bob are seen toiling over a failing turnip crop outside their hovel in Downham Market. Viewers fear the spindly brothers, who live with their five sisters and their 13 children, will surely go without food on the table at Christmas.

But just as it seems all hope is lost, a kindly, portly gentleman called Bernard Matthews turns up to their hovel with a “bootiful” turkey. The whole family is then filmed in joyous scenes, tucking into a sumptuous Christmas feast.

They all then retire to bed.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, who works in the John Lewis marketing department, said: “Tricky economic conditions mean we have gone for a low budget Christmas TV ad campaign this year.

“The Spucklers agreed to be paid a sack of grain, so this year has not cost us much at all. We are sure Britain will fall in love with the Spucklers like they have our previous Christmas characters. The Spucklers could go on to be the UK equivalent of The Waltons.”

Last year, lovable John Lewis dragon Excitable Edgar won the hearts of the nation. In previous years, John Lewis featured a bouncing dog on a trampoline, a young Elton John, an old man on the moon, and a monster called Moz that lived under the bed.

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Top 7 tips to crack the Microsoft AZ-900 Certification Exam

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The Microsoft Azure Fundamentals certification exam or AZ-900 by code is designed to provide candidates with an opportunity to test their foundational knowledge of various cloud services and Azure concepts. Primarily intended for beginners, this assessment prepares them for entry-level jobs and creates a base for earning higher-level credentials.

Although AZ-400 Exams is permitted anytime, it is advisable to schedule it after you are fully prepared. Remember that it is your chance to gain the Microsoft Certified: Azure Fundamentals badge, so you have to go through thorough training to pass it on the first attempt.

Preparatory guidelines

Generally, you have to invest some effort and time in revision for any test. But why not use some tips to make this path easier? The following are the guidelines for the successful completion of the AZ-900 assessment.

1. Explore the Microsoft website

Microsoft website acts as a guiding platform with details of all certification exams. The page dedicated to September 12,2020 everything you may want to know about the test’s structure and outline, knowledge requirements, and study options.

2. Azure documentation

This section of the official site functions as a learning document for all Azure beginners. It involves detailed concepts associated with cloud ecosystems such as Agility, Fault Tolerance, etc. Also, there you’ll learn more about how to save money and time using different Azure services.

3. Microsoft’s live-class teaching

The vendor offers two instructor-led courses that last for one and two days each and cover the whole Ani Y . A major benefit of this option is that because of the live-class sessions, it guarantees a better understanding of the subject through doubt-clearing conversations.

4. Group studies and assessment forums

Although Microsoft doesn’t have a study Anna H , many other forums are there to solve your queries. Using this type of two-way communication with like-minded candidates, you help each other and gain the needed knowledge faster.

5. Guidebooks and journals

Training courses are great but don’t hesitate to supplement them with reliable guidebooks that offer extra Anya N . Some examples are the following:

  • Microsoft Azure Tutorial for Beginners (Kennan Bismar)
  • Microsoft Azure Tutorial the Ultimate Beginners Guide by Dennis Hutten

Microsoft’s official magazine “MSDN” is also an excellent resource that systematically shares articles that include real-life solutions for the latest technologies covering cloud, mobile, etc.

6. Take practice tests

To assess yourself right and analyze your level of readiness, you must take as many practice tests as possible. You can start with the official sample and if it is not enough, you will easily find more alternatives on dependable third-party sources and get yourself completely prepared.

7. Online self-study materials

Apart from guided classes, Microsoft has some online learning paths provided for free. There are several modules that are relevant to the Site >>>>>> . Also, make sure to get a subscription to Azure notifications so that you will be aware of all the latest updates.

Conclusion

The Microsoft AZ-900 test primarily analyses your basic aptitude and logical skills in cloud technologies and does not require any prior technical knowledge. But still, preparation for this exam will give you a better foundation and will help you better understand its criteria. Prepare well with the above-mentioned tips and guidelines and earn your certification in the first go!

Seaborne Freight handed £14m contract to open more COVID test centres

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coronavirus swab test

Prestigious shipping firm Seaborne Freight has been handed £14 million by the Government to open more coronavirus test centres.

The company, based at its ferry empire in Ramsgate, which has solved the Brexit trade bottleneck, will open 50 new test centres within days.

Although it has no experience in providing medical tests at a time of national crisis, former Government minister Chris Grayling said Seaborne Freight would be perfect.

He advised Boris Johnson and the cabinet to hand over £13.8 million to the company immediately.

Coincidentally, the figure is the same as Seaborne Freight received to set up its ferry service, even though it doesn’t have any ferries.

The Government was forced to admit there were problems with the coronavirus testing programme this week, with a backlog of 185,000 swabs and testing centres overwhelmed.

People are being forced to travel hundreds of miles just to get a test.

Health spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We have come up with an ingenious plan to remedy the coronavirus testing problems. Seaborne Freight starts tomorrow.”

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Casino thrills without spending money

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Perhaps you have thought about playing slot games but are put off by the financial risk of a casino. Maybe you believe everyone is spending their money rashly, and probably losing more than they can afford. But there is a way for you to enjoy the thrills and spills of slot games without having to spend anything at all.

Social slot gaming has been around in various formats for some time now, made popular by ever-improving technology of mobile and tablet devices. Games appeared on the social media platforms, and then others were developed in bespoke apps that you downloaded from the App Store or Google Play.

However, technology also now allows casino games, slots, in particular, to work really well on mobile devices via your usual mobile browser. It allows desktop computer and laptop gamers to join mobile users in the same games.

Where once you got to play a single game time and time again, now you can experience hundreds of challenging games in a real online casino environment, and it’s absolutely free.

You can play hundreds of free online slots and have a blast doing so, knowing it’s risk-free and you have nothing to lose.

You may think there is no challenge, so what’s the point? The fact is that modern slot games are hugely entertaining. There are different features, bonus rounds, games within games and more. If you’re using play money tokens to spin the reels, it really doesn’t matter if you don’t win. The fear of losing is removed, and you can simply concentrate on having a bit of fun.

Progressive rewards

Even though the cool graphics, cinematic music and bonus gameplay is entertaining in itself, many modern social slots sites include a progressive loyalty programme in the mechanics of the site.

That means that when you first join, you might only be able to play on one or two of the slot games. But as you gain daily bonuses and increase your play token bankroll, you unlock new games to try. Play often and experience more, all for no outlay at all. Of course, you can often purchase tokens to use on various social site features, but unless you blow all your tokens recklessly, this should not be necessary.

The sites are called social for a reason. Okay, they started on social media, and you can still play on sites like Gambino Slots from your Facebook account. But there is a social element to the sites, too.  You might believe playing on slots is a solitary experience. In a real-life casino, it is. You sit there, feeding the machine with your money and you talk to nobody.

But in social slot games, you really can be social. For example, you can share your achievements on your social media channels and give away free money coins to your friends. In return, they might give you free coins back.

It all comes together to feed a virtual economy that runs on freebies but provides exceptional fun.

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to play the slots in glitzy Las Vegas, then wonder no more. You can do it for free, from the comfort of your own home, without splashing out on expensive flights, hotels, casino food and more. There are not many things you can experience for free, so why not give social slots a try and see what all the fuss is about?

Some might want to step up a gear and play for real money at some point, but our experience is that most players are happy to find a cool social slots site and stick with it.

Playing Cluedo now part of police academy training

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Police academy recruits training on Cluedo

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

The deductive skills of new police recruits are being put to the test playing the murder mystery game Cluedo.

Students must spend one afternoon a week trying to work out if Miss Scarlet committed a gruesome murder in the ballroom with a candlestick.

Another day they will see if Mrs Peacock bludgeoned someone to death in the study with lead piping.

Police training officer Sgt Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “If we want our police force to be the best, then this tough new training technique will pay rich dividends.

“In Suffolk, there are a lot of murders in Tudor country mansions. When the police arrive there is always a bunch of shady characters all claiming to be innocent.

“This usually includes a retired colonel, a vicar and a professor.

“Like something out of Midsomer Murders, the murder weapon is a little weird, such as lead piping, a rope, candlestick and even a wrench.

“It means practising on Cluedo is perfect training for our county police recruits.”

It is expected that the Cluedo training will lead to a dramatic cut in the number of unsolved crimes across the UK.

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Race for the Black-Eyed Susans: meeting the 10 Preakness colts with the best odds

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After Authentic, a Derby underdog, knocked over a heavy favorite, Tiz The Law, the Kentucky Derby had successfully redeemed itself from the controversy they faced last year. Despite fans not being allowed to see the live racing, the Churchill Downs might have been full of drama and tension, with the racing intensity being too high.

Now that the Derby has concluded, the Triple Crown Series proceeds to its final stage, the Preakness Stakes. This racing show has the shortest racecourse when compared to the Derby and the Belmont Stakes. However, it features a million-dollar prize at stake. Apart from that, the Preakness Stakes will showcase a maximum of fourteen horses inside the field.

Today, the 2020 Preakness Stakes betting odds and lines are now up for bettors to consider. The colts who participated in the Derby, Belmont, and other significant races are ready to contend for the Black-Eyed Susans. Hence, let’s know the current Preakness Stakes odds ranking a few weeks before the racing game finally begins.

Tiz The Law

After getting the worst starting position at Churchill Downs, leading him to stay behind Authentic, Tiz The Law is still on the top rank for the current Preakness odds. He started his year impressively after being undefeated in the past four races he joined. His streak ended in the Derby as Authentic came more determined to win the title. Although he’s topping the chart, his decision to join the Preakness Stakes stays unlikely.

Art Collector

This Ellis Park Derby hero missed the Derby but is now back to participate in the Preakness Stakes. He places second in the current odds ranking based on his rating and previous performances. Not only that, but he was also a Blue Grass Stakes winner who will give a real challenge to all Preakness Stakes hopefuls.

Authentic

After Authentic surprised the horse racing community for winning this year’s Kentucky Derby, his odds skyrocketed immediately in the upcoming Preakness Stakes. Because of his victory, Bob Baffert has tied the record of the most number of Derby wins in history. Will he repeat the same performance in the Black-Eyed Susans, or his fate will turn upside down? We’ll see.

King Guillermo

King Guillermo was scratched during the Kentucky Derby after withdrawing his bid due to a fever. Today, he joins the Preakness Stakes’ current line-up with a vengeance, where he occupies the fourth spot in the odds ranking. Before deciding to participate in the Derby, he was an Arkansas Derby winner and a runner-up in the Tampa Bay Derby.

Dr Post

Dr Post placed second during the Belmont Stakes but missed the Derby to take a stint in the Jim Dandy Stakes where he ended in fourth place. Today, he is joining the current Preakness Stakes roster and ranks fifth in the odds ranking. After Dr Post ran in the Belmont Stakes, he wrestled at Haskell Stakes and earned third place.

Mr. Big News

Mr. Big News, a third-place finisher in the Kentucky Derby, is a sure contender for the Preakness Stakes. He was also one of the underdogs in the Run For The Roses and managed to showcase an impressive speed to place significantly. Before running into the Derby, he was Oaklawn Stakes’ superstar.

Finnick The Fierce

Finnick The Fierce was a third-placer in the Arkansas Derby. Last Kentucky Derby, he was on the final list, but his bid was scratched a day before the competition due to a foot problem. Today, he looks healthier and will proceed to the Preakness Stakes, taking the 7th spot in the odds ranking.

Thousand Words

Like Finnick The Fierce and King Guillermo, Thousand Words was disappointed missing the Derby because he reared at the paddock and fell on his side. He gained a minor injury but has now successfully recovered. His trainer, Bob Baffert, is now sending him to participate in the 2020 Preakness Stakes.

Mystic Guide

Mystic  Guide is a possible entrant to the Preakness Stakes. His trainer, Michael Stidham, has sent out a bid after winning the Jim Dandy Stakes last September 5, 2020. Before winning the said title, Mystic Guide was a third-place finisher at the Peter Pan Stakes.

Pneumatic

This Uncle Mo’s sire is a current Pegasus Stakes titleholder and will possibly run in the upcoming Preakness Stakes. Pneumatic did not participate in the Kentucky Derby but was a fourth-place finisher during the Belmont Stakes. Apart from that, he also competed at the Matt Winn Stakes and landed at third place.

Takeaway

Now that the Preakness Stakes odds ranking is up, the Pimlico Park starts to take its shape to showcase the best colts in today’s Triple Crown Series. For bettors, this is the best time to study each horse’s betting lines to pick a deserving bet. Make sure to continually check these Preakness Stakes hopefuls lines and odds to wager the right horse and win.

Live coverage of Norfolk single family gathering

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Norfokl family lunch
The Spuckler family lunch in Dereham, Norfolk

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

The Government was urged to rethink social distancing rules after a family lunch was filmed secretly in Norfolk.

While the rest of us are restricted to meeting up in social groups of six, this does not apply to larger families.

Norfolk, famous for keeping things in the family, and where Bob is not necessarily just your uncle, shows today how one family really means thousands of people.

Our exclusive photograph, at the top of this page, shows a family lunch underway at the Spuckler’s house in Dereham, Norfolk.

Taken by Suffolk activist Lorraine Fisher, 34, it shows there is clearly no social distancing going on – but there is nothing that can be done, even by the most officious COVID Marshall.

The Suffolk Gazette sent a reporter to Bubba Spuckler’s dwelling to challenge the family, but he has not been seen since. Police fear he may have been the victim of a frenzied cannibal attack.

Doctors are urging the Government to rethink the new social distancing rules.

One medic said: “While the rest of us are restricted to six people, you can’t allow family groups larger than six to remain together in one place. Your exclusive photo of today’s Spuckler lunch in Norfolk shows that is simply not workable.”

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Mr Tumble rumoured to be Banksy

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Is Mr Tumble the real Banksy?
Could Mr Tumble be Banksy? (Photo: BBC)

The internet was awash with rumours today that BBC children’s favourite Mr Tumble is the secretive street artist Banksy.

After Art Attack presenter Neil Buchanan was forced to deny claims he was the famous artist, attention has now turned to the CBeebies star.

Famous for his colourful clothes and hilarious antics, Mr Tumble has twice been spotted close to new wall murals accredited to Banksy.

He has so far refused to deny he is the elusive graffiti artist, said to be worth £38 million.

BBC insiders now believe the Neil Buchanan story was because journalists added two and two together and made five.

Programmer Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It seems that a BBC children’s presenter is indeed the man behind the Banksy phenomenon.

“People started investigating and wrongly assumed it was Neil Buchanan because he has presented Art Attack. The connection seemed plausible.

“But all along it seems the real Banksy is in fact Mr Tumble from the studio next door.”

Mr Tumble, real name Justin Fletcher, or “Banksy” to his friends, is known to be an excellent artist and satirist, both hallmarks of Banksy’s work.

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