Family way: Darlene Spuckler gets a timely warning
By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent
Norfolk people must now refer to a phone app to determine if their date is a relative.
The ‘kissing cousins’ app will help reduce the number of family members interbreeding in the rural county.
Studies have found the gene pool in Norfolk is far too shallow, causing mental and physical health issues – creating a population mocked nationwide as “Norfolk Numpties”.
Now the app, developed by Tight Genes Tech Ltd of Suffolk, is a legal necessity.
Every Norfolk adult (and those deemed nearly ready) are now forced to submit DNA and register with the Tight Genes app.
When a boy or girl tries to hook up with a partner, the app will determine if they are related.
Dr Lorraine Fisher, 34, the scientist behind the technology, said: “Both people hold their phones up to each other, and the system will check if the owners are related.
“If they are, the screen pops up with a warning message. It’s up to the individual whether they want to carry on with a physical relationship with their brother, uncle, father or cousin.
“No doubt some will as this has been common in Norfolk for centuries, but it is hoped enough people will heed the warnings.
“It will take a few generations, but this work will ensure new genes prosper in Norfolk and the county can become normalised.”
The Government has become so concerned about Norfolk inbreeding that the app will be compulsory from March 1 this year. Anyone caught kissing or fondling – or worse – without referring to the app will be prosecuted.
Lorraine Fisher, 34 (stone), and her bored dog, Adnams
A Suffolk woman has decided it will be much better to wait until next week before starting her new year resolution health kick.
Speaking from her comfy sofa, Lorraine Fisher, 34, said a few more days of planning was needed.
“I will start next week, honest,” she said between mouthfuls of chocolates and crisps.
Lorraine and her portly partner Steve, 43, say this is the year they will finally take up exercise and slim down.
New year resolution
“A new year resolution is a perfect opportunity to get off my backside and do some exercise,” Lorraine insisted.
“I’m going to start with some gentle dog walks. But I can’t just go out with the dog without planning my routes first. I might get lost.
“So I am drawing up some options, beginning with walking to the end of the road and back. This all takes time.
“I promise to start on Monday. Or maybe Tuesday – you have to ease yourself gently into these things.”
Meanwhile, Lorraine’s bored dog, Adnams is still waiting patiently.
He said: “I keep sitting here on the sofa looking at her, hoping she will actually shift her arse and get up.
“I don’t hold out much hope, to be honest.”
New year, new mugs
Brighten up your 2021 kitchen with some splendid Suffolk Gazette mugs from Dirty Old Goat. Buy direct for the items below – produced in Suffolk and shipped fast…
The world took a strange turn in 2020, and it wasn’t altogether pleasant. But, putting a global pandemic and political and social turmoil to one side for a moment, we did manage some humour. As your newspaper of record, we tried to bring you the real news as it happened, and we now unveil our Top 10 Suffolk Gazette stories of 2020.
So pour yourself a glass of sherry and recollect some scraps of fun in a really shit year. These are the most read stories by page views from our 1.5 million readers.
This story was flying high and then took off to the stratosphere when Harry Potter author J K Rowling shared it to her millions of social media followers.
During the early stages of the coronavirus lockdown, flights to the United States were grounded.
The Suffolk Gazette reported how, for some inexplicable reason, the Duke of York warned it was far too early to resume US flights – and we should possibly wait another 25 years.
Prince Andrew, meanwhile, and by pure coincidence, is wanted for questioning by US cops over his alleged goings-on at the Jeffrey Epstein house of horrors.
Fiery teeny greeny Greta Thunberg was so disgusted by Lowestoft that she said perhaps sea levels should rise after all to wipe out the town.
She told shocked eco-activists at a meeting in the town: ““Lowestoft is an absolute tip. Hopefully, sea levels will rise a foot or two and wipe the place off the map.”
A story written and forgotten about four years ago made a dramatic return when newspapers in South America (of all places) started reporting it as truth. This, in turn, led to a Japanese news outlet, plus more in Spain, covering the story.
Back in 2016, the Suffolk Gazette told how the original Batman was a fat bearded bloke from Suffolk who emigrated to New York and turned vigilante.
Bill Smith began hunting down criminals when a thief ran off from his butcher shop with a leg of lamb over his shoulder.
In yet another world exclusive, the Suffolk Gazette revealed in November how former Downing St chief advisor Dominic Cummings had quit his role to become the new CEO of Specsavers.
The news came months after Mr Cummings claimed he broke lockdown rules and drove his family to Barnard Castle simply to test his eyesight.
When at last the first lockdown ended in July, we revealed the huge queues that formed on the A14 as anxious Ipswich residents tried visit the reopened McDonalds drive thru.
Our exclusive photograph of the carnage near Nacton sparked some interesting debates on Facebook, where some people had the nerve to claim it was somehow fake. Many pointed out that the A14 did not have 18 lanes, but they were wrong.
We reported on an embarrassing moment in Downing Street when Boris Johnson’s pen ran out of ink, just as he was about to write out the first £350m Brexit cheque to the NHS.
Keeper of Government pens Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It perhaps doesn’t bode well, but presumably he will sign a cheque for £700 million next week to make up for it.”
In July, it was our sad duty to report how ginger-haired Steve Walshe turned to dust and perished after ill-advisedly stepping outside on a hot, sunny day.
He only wanted to put some washing out, but got no further than the patio.
And so we come to the most-read Suffolk Gazette story of 2020. It was a piece that we actually published in 2018 but it took on a new lease of life, going viral again in January.
The story of how a nine-year-old girl disappeared after using cream that makes you ten years younger was shared across the world. Some gullible folks on Facebook (mainly from the US, it has to be said) said they hoped she would be found soon.
So, that’s it for another year. Let’s hope 2021 is much, much better. Thanks for reading!
New Year, new mugs
Put some new life in your kitchen cupboards with a mug or two from the Suffolk Gazette’s sister site, Dirty Old Goat.
After the year we’ve all had, it’s a relief just to be here and wish you a Merry Christmas. May you remain healthy and enjoy time with your loved ones. Unless you were already in Tier 4.
Let’s hope this time next year that we will all be living a normal life.
Meanwhile, thanks for your continued support of our factual, investigative journalism. Hopefully, we have given you some light relief.
We all have heard of Las Vegas casinos or similar establishments all around the world. However, not all of them are ‘’ordinary’’ or designed in the same way.
Some casinos are special and weird to completely new levels. This is going to be the ultimate list where you can see all of those casinos and learn something about their minimum deposit, offers, and why they are so strange.
Desert Cave
Desert cave hotel is located in Australia. More precisely it is located in Coober Pedy, a small city that is located in a desert. The temperatures are very high and there is strong wind over the city most of the time. This made or better said forced inhabitants to develop establishments beneath the surface. Desert cave is an underground casino where players can enjoy 16 slots, play pool, use the restaurant or simply buy souvenirs. The casino is small but very appealing and comes with all the essentials you are going to need and you will want to enjoy. Technically, it is located inside a sandstone that has huge dimensions.
But not everyone will be able to visit this and other strange casinos. This can be hard due to so many reasons. Not every gambler can spend enough money to visit such a casino. Many people want to play with minimal spending. In this case, everyone can play online casinos with low deposits. Thanks to $1 deposit casino Canada you can check out the review of the best low deposit online casinos and test your luck to the new limits. The site has been tested by experts and all features, offers and so much more is explained just for you.
North Cadbury court
This is commonly known as the world’s smallest casino and it can accommodate 30 players at the same time. The casino is located in the United Kingdom, in the obvious location, and can be found in a basement of a luxury house. In order to play here, you will need to rent the entire house. In that case scenario, you have access to poker, casino games, and more. You can also enjoy professional dealers and so much more. It is expensive but comes with impressive advantages. This definitely won’t be one of the most popular casinos in the near future, but it will remain one of the weirdest.
Casinò di Venezia
Here is a casino that is located on the water, literally. As you know, Venice is a special city so we wouldn’t expect anything less than amazing. The casino is one of the oldest establishments known to man and one that is so special that we cannot explain it. There are card games of various types, over a thousand slots and so much more. Keep in mind that here, players have been gambling for over 400 years which is stunning. If you like to gamble here, the good size of the deposit can help win big time and also have the best time in your life.
Virtual reality casino
Virtual reality casino is precisely as the name suggests. It is an online casino that requires from you VR headset to participate. It is developed by Slots Million and it is one of the best examples of what modern technology has to offer. Just to explain. This is an online casino but you need to use Virtual reality equipment such as VR Oculus system in order to access it. By using a joystick, you will move around a lobby, pick games you want to play and more. The best thing here is the fact you can access and play games literally at any given moment and from anywhere in the world. You don’t even have to wear an outfit. These casinos are gaining on popularity as we speak and it is likely we shall see many more in the near future. The benefits are obvious.
Esperanza Base
Esperanza Base is actually a base for scientists located at Hope Bay in Antarctica. Luckily for some, scientists from Argentina have created a small casino here. It is located in one of the houses and there are a few, basic games and slots. It may sound like a restricted casino for scientists who work there only, but it is far from that. It is a functional casino that comes with all the perks and all the essentials as any other, small casino. In other words, you can visit the place and gamble here. It is distant, cold and something you won’t be able to get anywhere in the world.
Prison casino
Try and guess where this casino is located. In Canada? No, it is located in Nevada, which sounds like an obvious answer. While many of Canadian casinos are elegant establishments, this one is truly located inside e a prison and reserved for prisoners and guards. Players (inmates) can enjoy Baccarat, Blackjack, Roulette, craps and even sports betting. The idea was to decrease the attacks inside a prison and to make inmates happier and more relaxed. Considering the fact this casino has been with us for over 30 years and we can deduce they did the right thing.
Conclusion
These were the weirdest casinos in our world. They are special, one of a kind and they come with features, offers, and locations a person cannot even imagine. In a nutshell, these are special locations that combine gambling with originality and so much more. Are they worthy of your time? Definitely yes, as soon as possible.
Long-term career goals can easily feel out of reach for a lot of people or seem so far off in the distant future that it feels almost impossible to imagine it happening.
When reaching your career goals, it’s important to take one step at a time. The right steps you make today, no matter how small, can be vital to career success down the line — no matter how far away it might seem.
In knowing which the right steps are to take, you need to plan each step, and that’s where this guide can help you.
How to set your career goals
To start making the right steps towards achieving your dream career goals, you first need to understand what those goals are. It’s a good idea to make a list or keep a log of your relevant goals so that you can always check back and keep track of your goals.
Be honest with yourself
Set realistic goals
Set both short-term and long-term goals
Do your research to make sure you understand what steps you need to take
Speak to others and share your goals
Think about the big end goal, and break it down into smaller steps to get there
Indeed, it would be best if you didn’t let anything stop you from achieving your dreams, especially when it comes to career goals. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that some goals may not be unrealistic. Setting unrealistic goals can risk wasting valuable time, as well as increasing the risk of disappointment in the long-term.
Also, chase those goals that you want to achieve, but also work within your own means and the realms of possibility. Through proper research and planning, you will be able to understand which goals are realistic, and which may be too far out of reach at this point.
Step 2: Break up your short-term goals from your long-term goals
These will often go hand in hand, as you will usually need to achieve your short-term goals to make the long-term goals happen for you. However, to reach your long-term goals, you first need to know which steps to take to get there.
You may therefore want to keep a separate list or log for the short-term and long-term.
As an idea, you may have a long-term goal of attaining a specific career position. Your short-term goals may therefore be to graduate from school with the right qualification to move on to the next step (a step which will be closer to that long-term goal of your intended career position).
Step 3: Avoid doing anything which takes you away from your focused long-term goals
You may find yourself up against an unexpected crossroads, or steps which you didn’t expect to take. When faced with new possibilities or a potential change to your short-term goals, always ask yourself whether this other step will bring you closer to your long-term goal, or further away. Even if it seems completely unrelated, it could better your chances of reaching that long-term goal, such as teaching you a valuable skill which you can use later.
If, however, this unexpected step can offer nothing beneficial for your long-term goal, even if it seems like a great choice, then you shouldn’t waste time on it.
Step 4: Gain the right qualifications
Not all jobs require qualifications and depending on what your specific career goals are; you may not need to have a degree or a specific educational background. That doesn’t mean that qualifications won’t be significantly helpful in achieving your career goals. If they’re needed for the career path you have in mind, then you’ll need to make sure you become qualified for what you want to do. If they’re not urgently needed, or if you’re not even sure which career you want to go into at this stage, you should still look to increase your chances as much as possible by building your resume.
For example, working to achieve an online DBA can set you up for many business avenues, and also help you to stand out significantly from any other professionals who have fewer qualifications, or perhaps none at all.
Not only that but earning a qualification will teach you valuable skills which you can apply to any professional circumstance, and which will help you strive towards your goals.
Step 5: Always set positive goals
If you’re in a career position which you don’t currently want to be in, you may think that all your goals need to focus on moving away from that. You may therefore be tempted to write goals such as ‘leave my job within the year’ or ‘make sure I never have a low salary’. While these are important realizations to have, you should switch your thinking and instead make only positive goals for yourself.
Instead of focusing on the negatives of any current job or circumstances, you don’t want to be in, think about a positive new situation which you want to create for yourself, and how you can get there. This can help to promote a more positive mentality for you when you’re reading your goals, too, as it will be optimistic language rather than pessimistic.
You could try ‘earn a higher salary’ as a more positive goal, and then research how you can increase the potential of your earnings.
Step 6: Share your goals with others
Goals can, of course, be personal and private, but when it comes to career goals, talking openly about what you’re trying to achieve with friends and family will help you to feel more motivated, as well as make your goals feel more authentic and real. It may even open up possibilities for others to offer advice and support for those steps where you need input from others.
Sharing your goals also makes it more possible to focus on them, as you can then let others know if you need time to work on them, or if you’re going to be busy concentrating on your career for a certain period.
Let these six steps help you to get started with planning — and succeeding in — your career goals.
Panic buying of salads and veg will mean vegans and vegetarians could starve over Christmas, it has emerged.
With the evil French closing their border with the UK, there are warnings shelves will empty of tasty salad leaves, lettuces and even broccoli.
While the rest of us can still tuck into turkey, sausages, pigs in blankets and all the trimmings, unfortunately, there will be nothing to eat for any vegans or vegetarians in the family on Christmas Day and Boxing Day.
However, if people stop panic buying at the supermarkets, then hopefully there will be a few choice radishes, turnips and onions to snack on.
Retail expert Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “Unless France opens the border so food supplies can get moving again, there may be an unfortunate Christmas surprise for some.
“Lettuces and salad leaves are already in desperately short supply because idiots are clearing the shelves.
“However, the good news is that thanks to the recent heavy rain, the grass has grown nicely, so any veggies in the family can graze on that.”
It’s no secret: college students are intimidated by writing assignments. Hate is a strong word that we’d only use in radical cases. It’s safe to say that if you ask a student how they feel about the academic writing aspect of education, they will use it.
Some students hire academic writers, who teach them how to cope with the challenge. That’s a good idea; you could learn through experience. Others decide to find random online sources and paraphrase them into a “new” essay. That’s not a good thing to do.
In an academic context, paraphrasing is acceptable. However, it always has to be accompanied by appropriate references. Let’s discuss how you can implement paraphrasing and citation into the academic writing process.
What are citations?
Citations, also called references, indicate the source of information that inspired your writing. Their purpose is to enable the reader to learn more about the background of your arguments.
As a student, you’re expected to include references to academic or scientific sources. Books, journal articles, newspapers, and relevant interviews are also acceptable. It’s not recommended to include Wikipedia, blogs, and online articles as support for your arguments.
When used in a proper way, citations enrich your style. They prove that you’ve conducted thorough research on the topic, and your arguments are based on facts. Academic writing is not just about personal opinions. It’s about research, and the references must prove it.
What is paraphrasing?
Paraphrasing is putting someone else’s ideas into your own words. In education, paraphrasing is often misunderstood as plagiarism.
If you don’t reference your sources, then paraphrasing is the shadiest type of plagiarism there is. The content can run clean through plagiarism detection engines, since they are designed to identify only copied, not paraphrased content. But professors can still recognize the sources you’ve used. They do their research, too. If they notice an idea that you stole from another author and “forgot” to mention their name, they will consider this a plagiarised paper. The grade won’t be high.
But if you paraphrase another author’s ideas while providing references, you’re good. Paraphrasing is an effective tool that makes the content more interesting to read. If you provide quotations from other sources, they might not fit your style. With paraphrasing, you’ll make them suitable for the paper you’re writing.
How to use paraphrasing and citations for writing papers
The main rule is: always include your references!
Now that we got that out of the way, you can follow these steps to make paraphrasing and citations easy:
Use citation-generator software for proper references
Students are overwhelmed by citation guidelines, simply because there are too many rules to follow. Your teacher may have asked you to use Harvard, MLA, APA, MHRA, Turabian, or another referencing style. You can’t master all those styles, so citation-generator software will be very useful. The MHRA citation machine will deliver clean references that you can immediately paste as footnotes. You can adjust the style you need, and you’ll provide basic information for the source you’re using. You’ll immediately get a properly formatted citation to include in your paper.
This will save you a lot of time. After the first two or three references provided by an automated generator, you’ll intuitively understand the formatting rules.
2 Your arguments are essential
This is a common mistake that students make: they rely on citations so much that they forget about the main purpose of academic writing. It’s all about presenting your point of view. The teacher is mostly interested in the things you learned and the opinions you formed during that process.
The paraphrased parts shouldn’t consume too much of the content. As a basic guideline you can follow, 3-4 references are enough for an essay of 1000 words. The paraphrased parts should only take a few sentences, and they should always be accompanied by your personal viewpoints.
Writing is easier than you think
Not everyone was born to become an exceptional writer. But you know what? You don’t have to become the best writer in the world. You only need to develop basic writing skills, which would take you through the educational process. Academic writing makes you a better researcher. The projects also help you learn how to express your thoughts and support your arguments with facts. That’s a skill that you can use in any career. Paraphrasing and citations enrich your writing, but you have to be careful with them. Follow the tips above and you’ll do just fine!
