Saturday, May 10, 2025
Home Blog Page 199

Jackie Weaver to front Downing Street COVID briefings

0

Jackie Weaver will bring some long-awaited clarity to the Government’s COVID briefings, it has emerged.

The unlikely internet star, who caused a sensation in the video of Handforth Parish Council’s Zoom meeting, will give honest, straightforward statements from Downing Street.

Borish Johnson signed up Jackie after being impressed with her ability to keep things under control.

But Health Minister Matt Hancock is furious, shouting to anyone who will listen (that’s nobody) that Jackie Weaver “has no authority here”.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, a Downing Street advisor, said Ms Weaver would “take no prisoners” and be a breath of fresh air.

“Her calm, reassuring demeanour will mean our key COVID messages at Downing Street press conferences will be understood by all.

“She won’t take any crap from Hancock, Gove or any other jumped-up politician.”

Ms Weaver will begin the COVID briefings, flanked by health officials, on Friday.

Her amazing performance in the Handforth Parish Council meeting was reported recently by the Suffolk Gazette.

Looking to send a lockdown gift?

The brilliant Suffolk Gazette mug collection, brought to you by our sister site Dirty Old Goat, is bringing some humour and relief during lockdown. Buy for yourself or send as a gift today, buy browsing the full collection on the mug gifts website or choosing an item below…

Best games featuring Anubis: Egyptian God of Mummification and the Afterlife

0

Anubis, the Ancient Egyptian god depicted as a man with a jackal-like head, has remained as one of the most famous deities of Egypt throughout the ages. He is the god of mummification and the afterlife. One of his key roles was to weigh the hearts of souls to decide whether they were allowed to enter the realm of the dead.

Today, thousands of years after his supposed existence, Anubis features in many books, movies, and video games of popular culture. Here are the best games in which Anubis appears.

Anubis II

Despite the name, Anubis II is not a sequel. The 2005 action video game from UK game developer Data Design Interactive is set in Ancient Egypt. It is available for PlayStation 2, Wii, and Microsoft Windows.

You get to control Anubis in his quest to lift the curse of the pharaohs. When using the Wii remote, Anubis can perform some fantastic moves, such as swinging his Sceptre of Ra and throwing canopic bombs. If you are a fan of Egypt-themed video games, Anubis II is a fun one to play.

Book of Dead

Anubis does not only feature in video games. He can also be found in the fantastic slot game called Book of Dead, named after the Ancient Egyptian funerary text that was placed in the coffins or burial chambers of the deceased.

The Book of Dead slot game is the third title in the Rich Wilde series. The adventurer previously appeared in the Aztec Idols and Pearls of India games. In this slot, Rich Wilde heads to the Giza pyramids of Egypt, where Anubis has opened the gates to the underworld.

Spelunky 2

Spelunky 2 received much critical acclaim upon its release in 2020. The platform game involves controlling Ana, the daughter of the explorer featured in the first Spelunky game. As Ana, you must navigate deadly caves and battle hostile monsters and traps in order to collect treasures.

Along the way, you will come across The Temple of Anubis. Inside, you will find Anubis himself sitting dormant on his throne. When you get close to him, the deity awakes, and you must fight Anubis to take his sceptre.

Scribblenauts Unlimited

The fourth title in the Scribblenauts series is a puzzle sandbox game in which you control the protagonist Maxwell as he travels through an open world environment to collect Starites. Scribblenauts Unlimited is more adventure-based than the previous titles in the series.

You get to traverse through different themed areas and accept various challenges along the way. One of the many foes you will come across is Anubis. Other than the game’s pharaohs and mummies, Anubis is hostile to all other creatures. You can either face him head-on or run away if you do not feel like you are up to the challenge of taking on a god. Scribblenauts Unlimited was released in 2012. In 2013, the game won the Pocket Gamer Awards’ Best Casual/Puzzle Game category.

Persona 5

The sixth instalment in the Persona series of games, which are part of the wider Megami Tensei franchise, was released in 2016. Persona 5 soon became cited as one of the greatest role-playing video games of all time. It takes place in modern-day Tokyo and follows a student called Joker. He and other students gain special powers and they form a group of secret vigilantes called the Phantom Thieves of Hearts.

The group then explores the supernatural realm known as the Metaverse to steal malevolent intent from adults’ hearts. Along the way, they encounter Anubis. If you manage to execute Anubis by electric chair in the Velvet Room, you obtain a Makouha skill card, which will come in very handy on the rest of your journey.

Police seize Norfolk Valentine’s Day cards

0

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Police have seized a huge consignment of vile Valentine’s Day cards designed specifically for the incestuous Norfolk market.

The wording on the cards for loving couples clearly supported illegal family member relationships in the county.

Norfolk valentines day card

While it is widely known that such behaviour is rife in Norfolk, authorities there prefer to sweep it under the carpet.

But when Suffolk Police got wind that the cards were being made in Lowestoft, they decided to take action and carried out a dawn raid.

Sexual crimes officers were horrified when they burst into Norfolk Bumpkin Greetings Ltd, where the wording on 4,000 recently printed Norfolk Valentine’s Day cards clearly broke the law.

One card said: “Happy Valentine’s Day to the most gorgeous, amazing, brilliant, wonderful sexy uncle I could ever wish for xxx.”

Another read: “To my sexy sister. Thinking of you on this special day x.”

A Suffolk Police spokesman told the Suffolk Gazette: “This sort of relationship with your uncle may be acceptable behaviour on the Norfolk map, but here in Suffolk it is clearly a crime, and therefore unheard of.

“As the cards were being made in Suffolk – albeit close to the Norfolk border – we had no option but to act fast.”

It transpires Norfolk Bumpkin Greetings Ltd is run by a couple originally from Norfolk. Edna Spratt and her brother Bubba moved to Lowestoft with their nine children in 2009 when their turnip crop failed.

Police say a 39-year-old woman and a 36-year-old man from Lowestoft will appear before the town’s magistrates on Monday, charged with outraging public decency.

Deciding how to plan for your retirement? Check out these pension pros and cons

0

We are continually being told that planning for our retirement is essential. However, only by deciding yourself that a particular pension is worthwhile will you wholly commit to pension planning. To help you make the right decision, here are some advantages and disadvantages of a standard pension. 

Pension pros

1. Compound Interest

One of the main advantages of putting money into a pension is that it benefits from compound interest growth. You will accrue interest on the savings you make, and over time this interest will itself accrue compound interest. 

So, the sooner you get started saving for your pension, the more chance your pension has for compound growth. For example, during the second year of your investment, you’ll receive interest on the initial sum invested. You’ll receive interest on the initial sum plus the interest from the first year in year two, and so on. This compound growth continues for the life of your investment.

1. Tax Relief

Perhaps the most significant advantage of a pension is that your contributions receive tax relief. For workplace pensions, your contributions are taken from your salary before tax is deducted. So, you only pay tax on the amount of salary remaining after you’ve paid your pension contributions.

If you are paying into a private pension, you’ll have already paid Income Tax on your earnings before making pension contributions. However, you can claim the tax you paid on these contributions from the government. If you pay tax at the basic rate, you can claim 20%. So for every £80 you pay, £100 will go into your pension. For higher rate taxpayers, you will need to claim the tax through an annual tax return to HMRC.

Savings from pension investments tend to be higher than from other investments such as ISAs. For instance, despite the interest you get from an ISA being tax-exempt, the money you put into it has already been taxed. So, pensions are an incredibly tax-efficient means of investing for your retirement. 

3. Employer Contributions

Being enrolled in a workplace pension means that you will receive contributions from your employer. Typically, your employer will contribute 3% of your gross income to your pension pot. This amount is on top of the 5% that is automatically taken in from your gross salary. 

4. Provides a Guaranteed Income

When you retire, you can purchase an annuity, which will provide you with a guaranteed income. Annuities can be tailored to provide a fixed income, one that increases at a set percentage rate each year, or one that rises in line with inflation. 

Other than purchasing an annuity, another option is to draw income from your pension while it remains invested. Choosing this option means that your pension still has the potential to grow and provide you with an income. 

Pension Disadvantages

1. Challenging to Understand

Pensions are such a critical aspect of our financial lives, but many people put off planning them, and one of the reasons for this is that they can be quite challenging to understand. Even if you’ve prepared early for your retirement, as you approach your retirement age, you have to make decisions about your pension options. 

Will you take a 25% tax-free lump sum? Taking this option will reduce the amount that you have in your pot to provide a regular income. How about buying an annuity? Buying one, you will need to decide whether you want a fixed income or one that rises annually. 

Ultimately, the option you choose for accessing your pension will depend on your circumstances. It is certainly worth putting some thought into what you will do, and you may want to consult with a regulated financial advisor to help with this decision. 

2. Restricted Access

One of the significant disadvantages of a pension is that access to your funds is restricted. Since 2015, access to pensions has been relaxed, and you can now access your funds from the age of fifty-five. However, this is still a long time to go without having access to your money. For this reason, many people prefer to invest in ISAs for their retirement, as they have much easier access to their money. 

3. Potentially Poor Returns

Your pension fund gains its growth by being invested in the stock market. As it is invested for such a long time, there is a high probability that there will be several shifts in the economy during its investment lifetime. So there is an element of risk with pensions, as there is with all investments.

However, pension investments’ longevity does mean that there is plenty of time for your pension fund to recover if it does suffer some setbacks. Moreover, if the stock market does fall, you will be able to buy more shares with the money going into your pension pot. 

The risk of your pension underperforming is mitigated by the time you have your money invested. However, as you approach retirement age, the risk increases, so you may want to consider moving your money into lower-risk investments. 

Conclusion

There are many things to consider regarding your pension, which can make them challenging to understand and make decisions about them. Hopefully, this brief article outlining a pension’s pros and cons will help you decide what’s best for you. Before looking at options for your pension, consider using a regulated adviser like Portafina or, have a read of the information over at The Money Advice Service.

Lewis Hamilton forces Mercedes to power F1 cars with cabbages

0
Lewis Hamilton

Lewis Hamilton has finally agreed to race for Mercedes F1 next season, but only after the team agreed to run its cars on cabbages.

The British racing star is famous for his concerns about the environment.

He decided he could no longer be seen driving around in circles in a car that does about six miles to the gallon.

To secure his signature for another season, the Mercedes F1 team had to reluctantly agree to develop an engine that runs on cabbages.

They have kept their new environmentally-friendly Grand Prix car under wraps, and it is not known how well it will perform.

Mercedes insider Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “What we can tell you is that we do not use white cabbages to fuel the car, because Lewis felt that was not diverse enough.

“And Savoy cabbages were ruled out because they sound too posh. Lewis likes to think he comes from a poor background in Stevenage.

“Instead, we have developed the engine to run on red cabbages, as not even he can argue with that while he relaxes in his Monte Carlo home.”

The cabbage car will debut when the F1 season starts in Bahrain on March 28.

“It will be quite hot in Bahrain,” said Ms Fisher. “So you wouldn’t want to be following our cabbage car because it might pong a bit.”

Hamilton will be gunning for his record-setting eighth world championship title, but the first driving an F1 car powered by a vegetable.

Buy a Suffolk Gazette mug

Our mugs make ideal gifts or will look super in your own kitchen. Browse the full collection at Dirty Old Goat mugs online, or buy direct from one of the images below…

Two feet of snow in Suffolk

0
Two feet of snow

Two feet of snow arrives in Suffolk as blizzard conditions sweep the county.

With Arctic conditions gripping the area, and strong hoolie blowing in from the east, weathermen (and women) say stay indoors and keep warm.

The two feet of snow were spotted first in Felixstowe but then made their way down the A14 corridor towards Ipswich.

Norfolk housewives are expected to get no more than their usual three inches.

Met Office spokesperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “The storm Darcy is coming in, a Beast From the East 2.

“We haven’t seen a Beast From the East like it since Delia Smith last appeared on TV.

“Two feet of snow will be further complicated by drifting.”

While parents decided it was time to break Facebook by posting pointless snow photographs, kids were excited to play in the garden.

Dad Steve Walshe, 43, expplained: “My lot can’t wait to get outside and to get freezing cold, wet and miserable.”

It is unclear if the conditions will deteriorate enough for the Ipswich polar bear to return to the streets.

Stay warm, buy Suffolk Gazette mugs

No need to freeze your utensils off – buy a Suffolk Gazette mug for your kitchen. They are ideal for holding hot drinks, and they even come with free handles. Buy from our sister site Dirty Old Goat novelty mugs, or direct from the mug selection below.

The most hilarious parish council meeting on Zoom you will ever see

0

This is the most British thing you will ever see.

Handforth Parish Council held a committee meeting over Zoom – and it is comedy gold.

When self-important parish councillors, age, modern technology and village vendettas collide, it’s a recipe for chaos.

It’s 18 minutes long, but worth every second.

And as a former local newspaper reporter many years ago (for real, readers), these types of people are really out there!

Enjoy – and why not buy a mug while you’re at it, see below the video

I’m not sure which is my favourite bit.

And if these were the edited highlights, what on earth was the rest of the meeting like?

Thank goodness the local pub is closed – things could get messy otherwise.

Mugs below

Buy a Suffolk Gazette mug straight from the images below, or from our sister site Dirty Old Goat.

New Audi models to include indicators as standard

0
Audi indicators

The new generation of Audis will now come with indicators as standard, it has emerged.

Owners of the new Audi cars, many of which will have private plates, will get special training on how to use the blinking lights, which inform other users that the car is about to change direction.

The manufacturer was forced into the change because its drivers refused to use indicators, reasoning other road users should simply get the hell out of their way.

Lorraine Fisher, 34, the German car giant’s UK spokesperson said: “It would be so much easier if other motorists recognised the superiority of Audi drivers.

“But clearly other motorists are stupid, so we need to add indicators to our cars.

“They will now be fitted as standard on the back and the front of the vehicles.

“Each new owner will be taught how to use them, out of consideration for other motorists in ordinary vehicles.

“We don’t expect any of the owners to use this new feature, however.”

Buy mugs – cheaper and more popular than Audis

Don’t spend tens of thousands on an Audi with indicators you won’t ever use. Instead, spend just a few quid on one of these brilliant Suffolk Gazette mugs from Dirtyoldgoat.com – buy from the mugs online website, or direct from the items below…