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Major Work Required At Manchester United

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Major Work Required At Manchester United
Major Work Required At Manchester United

Manchester United was hoping the arrival of Erik ten Hag as the club’s new manager would spark a change in fortunes for the English Premier League giants. But following a turbulent summer and two shocking results at the start of the league campaign, it looks like Ten Hag has a massive job on his hands to take the Red Devils back to the top.

A Tough Watch For United Fans

Even with the changes over the summer and the departure of interim boss Ralf Rangnick, few would have predicted defeats in United’s first two games of the season against Brighton and Brentford. United, who according to the football tips for today will question whether they can make the top six, were expected to be competing for at least a top-four finish this season. There is, of course, plenty of the campaign to go and they might well change their fortunes. But with due respect to both Brighton and Brentford, United supporters would have been expecting to ease their way into the new season with a couple of early wins in those first two outings.

Not only was it the defeats but the manner of them that will have been most troubling to Ten Hag and his new management team at Old Trafford. A 2-1 defeat to Brighton, in which the Seagulls scored an own goal to aid United, was a dismal start to the season for the Reds Devils in front of their home fans. That proved to be nothing compared to a 4-0 hammering in their first game on the road at Brentford. It meant a United player was yet to score after those first two matches and the pressure was already starting to mount on Ten Hag.

United Have Players To Turn Things Around

While United have been off the pace compared to the likes of Manchester City and Liverpool in recent years, they do have players that can make them competitive once again. Bruno Fernandes lost his way a bit last season but the Portuguese international is still regarded as one of the best players in the squad. Christian Eriksen was brought in on a free transfer over the summer after impressing at Brentford in the Premier League last season. There is no doubting the Danish player’s capabilities at this level and the 30-year-old should prove to be a great addition to the squad over the course of the campaign.

Ten Hag will be looking to both Eriksen and Fernandes as a base to build a team around in the middle of the park. With their passing ability, they can create chances for those higher up the field. The issues for United have tended to be at the back in recent years, with skipper Harry Maguire getting more than his fair share of criticism for United’s shortcomings in defense.

There is clearly work to be done at Old Trafford on improving the squad but perhaps the doom and gloom of a 4-0 loss at Brentford can be the catalyst of a revival for a club once so used to sitting top of the pile.

What Problems Does Damp Cause?

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What Problems Does Damp Cause?
What Problems Does Damp Cause

Many people in the UK have experienced damp in their homes, but did you know just how serious it can be? Damp is much more than an aesthetic problem – it can make your home feel uncomfortable, damage your furniture, threaten the structural integrity of your home and worsen health conditions like asthma. But how does it cause all of these problems? Find out more in this article.

If you discover a damp problem in your home, it’s extremely important that you fix it to avoid the issues explored in this blog. Damp proofing your home is absolutely essential, so if you need a damp proofer for your home, visit Checkatrade to find the best tradespeople in your area.

Cold and uncomfortable home

A damp problem can make your home feel cold and uncomfortable to live in, which is particularly a problem in the winter months. Although feeling cold is unpleasant for everyone, it’s especially a problem for vulnerable people like the elderly, babies and those with weakened immune systems. By solving your damp problem, you can make it easier to heat your home to a comfortable temperature as there won’t be so much moisture in the air.

Damaged furniture

Having lots of moisture in the air due to a damp problem can be very damaging to your furniture. Over time, the moisture can discolour and break down fabrics, and it can also cause wood to start rotting. Due to this damage, you could end up spending a lot of money on replacing your furniture if you don’t get the damp problem fixed quickly enough.

Worsened health problems

One of the most serious consequences of having a damp problem is that it can exacerbate existing health conditions such as asthma and eczema. Damp can lead to the growth of mould in your home, and these mould spores can negatively affect your respiratory system when you inhale them. Mould spores are particularly harmful to those with pre-existing respiratory conditions like asthma because they can trigger serious asthma attacks and allergic reactions. Sometimes, mould spores can even cause someone to develop asthma.

In addition to respiratory problems, damp and mould can worsen skin conditions like eczema. If you live in a home with damp and mould, you could start getting rashes and dry, cracked skin.

Structural damage

Finally, in severe cases, a long-standing damp problem can actually cause structural damage to your home. Damp can rot wood, which means that it can rot structural timber within your home and therefore weaken it. Additionally, damp can damage masonry because bricks are porous, so water can get inside and cause serious problems over time. This is why it’s so important for you to fix damp issues as soon as you notice them.

Damp isn’t just a cosmetic issue. If you don’t fix the problem, damp can make your home very uncomfortable and cause a wide range of health issues and structural issues. Make sure you damp-proof your home to avoid any damp problems in the future.

Suffolk police air service got a major upgrade

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Suffolk police air service got a major upgrade

In order to capture targets, the Suffolk Police air service will now be launching fury exorcist from their fleet of fixed-wing aircrafts. This is where the term “Dog Fight” originates.

Suffolk police is going back to the old days when they would shoot dogs out of aircrafts. For the past 50 years, missiles and bombs seemed to be effective when fighting the enemy, but not as effective as dogs.

Doug Trench, former English chief defence officer, strongly insisted that they shoot small poodles instead of German shepherds.

Characteristics of Air Dogs:

They are faster, can pack more inside the aircraft thrusters, and are more aerodynamic. This can effectively take down the enemy’s fighter jets.

Small dogs have a better sense of hearing than big dogs. This is very useful because they hear the enemy miles away.

Dogs are great swimmers. If the aircraft goes down and lands in a body of water, the dogs always save the pilot.

The dogs wear a special harness to fully and efficiently embed them to the bi-planes.

The ancient Egyptians worshiped cats, the UK worships dogs.

The appreciation:

Suffolk police will host the 2023 “Harness your PAWer” awards where dogs walk down the runway showcasing the latest dog harnesses on the doggie market.

It is believed that the great Chinese warrior Sun Tzu owned 100 poodles which is why he was such a skilled warrior.

In the great Norfolk/Suffolk war in the early 20th century, Suffolk used great danes because they thought due to the sheer size it would cause more damage because it has a big spread.Basically the “shotgun” of dogs.

Then in the war room they realized the thrust and force to shoot the great danes was weak. So they thought, why not pack a bunch of small dogs in there. They tried it and won the war.

That’s where the great Suffolk saying “she’s deadly like a poodle” originated from.

German shepherds enthusiasts are protesting the streets of England demanding equal rights for German shepherds.

Opportunity for Suffolk Police Air service:

They are trying to convince the government to start using German shepherds in their jets.

There are way too many German shepherds roaming Suffolk county.

Dogs feel depressed because they are not fighting in the military.

The best fighter dog that ever lived was named after the American rapper snoop dog. He left a great legacy for Suffolk.

A student from Suffolk new college claims sex is not for him

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A student from Suffolk new college claims sex is not for him
Suffolk new college student

College is the time where you want to have fun, experiment, make great memories all while getting an education but student from Suffolk new college claims sex is not for him.

It’s no secret that college students are having sex. With their raging hormones you can’t blame them. It’s all part of the college experience.

Stephen McCall, a 28 year old graduate from Suffolk new college told reporters that he experimented with sex back in college and hasn’t done it ever since.

That’s almost a decade ago

I bet he is so sex deprived that he is irritable, anxious, and turned on all the time.

Is he masturbating at least?

That’s a whole lot of semen retention. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is at work and his colleagues notice semen coming out of his eye.

Hidden facts about him:

Coworker Lorraine Fisher – 34, said that he sneezed on her and only to realize that he shot a big load on her forehead. She was disgusted and wanted to press charges.

People say bless you because they believe that every time you sneeze, a little bit of your soul is dying because it’s leaving your body.

Every-time McCall (Student of Suffolk new college) sneezes, he is killing his soul as well as his unborn kids. It should be illegal to retain that much semen.

You’ve seen the TikTok video where people say:

“After 100 days of no sex, I ate a biscut with no water only so it can choke me.”

Many school shooters have this one thing in common, they are sexually deprived.

McCall might be someone you want to monitor closley becaue you just simply can’t know for sure what a sexually deprived person might do.

It should be a law that you cant return to work monday morning unless you clocked in at least 45 minutes of sex, 1 hour workout session, or a 30 minute session with a punching bag, and either a massage or time in a sauna or jacuzzi.

You can mix all these activities and get creative.

The purpose of this would be to make everyone more relaxed and more productive at work and in life. We would get stuff done.

We would conquer the galaxy in less than 15 years.

Resident spotted suspicious plants outside Ipswich council

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Resident spotted suspicious plants outside Ipswich council

It was resident Tray Veronica, a gardener who spotted the 6 suspicious plants outside the display of the Ipswich council. She raised concerns and demanded they be removed effectively.

She claimed that she can recognize most plant species. So when she saw the cannabis plants, her head was spinning in great concern.

Veronica made an acute observation in which she said,

“They were pretty huge. Which means they have been there for a while because someone has been maintaining them. It might be their idea of a joke.”

They noticed the plants on Wednesday during one of the village’s floral displays.

Statement by Ipswich Council:

A few days before discovering them, the council posted pictures on Facebook saying the plants look nice because the locals are watering and maintaining them during the summer heat.

Ipswich council made a public statement saying that they were not part of this year’s botanical layout. They have no idea how they got there. They have handed the plants over to the police.

The police just to be safe smoked them in order to effectively verify that they were cannabis plants.

Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent said, “We had to smoke them in order to verify, we had no choice. It’s the law”

Do you think these plants “migrated” here or did someone plant them here?

Someone on Facebook said, “the seeds are common in bird seed mixes which might end up in other gardens which will begin to blossom.”

What Ipswich council experts say?

Botanist Lorraine Fisher – 34, author of “Why Cannabis Plants Get Lonely” and “THC: The Hero’s Charm” explains that sometimes cannabis plants get lonely so they want to wander and gentrify other botanical gardens.

Disney and Pixar are currently looking for screenplay writers to write and produce a kids story about this phenomenon. It is reported that Boris Johnson and Ricky Gervais might be attached to the project.

After further investigation, the police department was able to view the security footage to see who might have planted the seeds there.

What they found was Arnold Schwarzenegger and Snoop Dogg driving around late at night hitting mailboxes with a bat.

Snoop was driving and Arnold was hitting the mailboxes.

What they saw was Snoop getting out of the car and indeed planting the seeds there.

No major charges have been made against the rapper. Just a small fine for public indecency and destruction of property.

Case closed.

Must Farm fully preserved bronze age settlement discovered

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Must Farm fully preserved bronze age settlement discovered
Must Farm bronze age

Archaeologists discovered Bronze Age settlement preserved in Must farm Cambridgeshire also known as “Britain’s Pompeii”.

Items such as axes, spears, sickles, and logboats dating back to 1300 BC to 700 BC will be displayed nearby Flag Fen until Wednesday.

The ancient artefacts will be displayed at The Must farm Finds roadshow which is a component of the Flag Fen’s Festival of Archaeology.

Must farm has been regarded as extremely significant by Historic England.

Special artefacts are constantly sprayed with a wax and water solution to prevent any further decay.

Maybe I should start taking a shower with this stuff because I feel like I am aging very fast.

Flag Fen is by far the most significant Bronze Age archaeological site in Britain. I am sure archaeologists will continue to dig around for more artefacts from the bronze age.

Must farm fact finding:

Peter Grimes is a history teacher at a local Suffolk high school. He said:

”I was teaching my morning history class, and all day yesterday I was excited to share with my students that they found an item preserved from the bronze age. When I asked what they thought it was, one student shouted, It was a big black sexy sex toy ! ” It broke my heart that they don’t care about history.”

Peter Grimes put his two year notice at the end of that day. He cannot tolerate his students’ impatience for history.

He later stated, “Don’t they know that during the bronze age, the wheel was invented. Should I say that again? Hello? The…wheel…was…invented during that time”

Conclusion:

Peter Grimes will now spend his retirement posting content on TikTok and social media regarding the bronze age and Must farm. That’s the only way He can get the students interested in the bronze age and its significance.

Barrister Allison Bailey wins in court after being labeled Transphobic

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Barrister Allison Bailey wins in court after being labeled Transphobic
Barrister Allison Bailey wins in court

Allison Bailey has been awarded £22,000 after winning her case in which she was discriminated against because of her gender beliefs.

She is a barrister at Garden Court Chambers (GCC) in London where she was being labeled as “trans-phobic” in 2019.

GCC was tweeting saying they are gonna go look at her old tweets in order to find some dirt on her regarding her views on sex changes.

So be careful out there kids. If you are 11 and tweeting something offensive, in 89 years, someone will dig it up and use it against you. They even started canceling dead people. That makes no sense.

An LGBT charity teamed up with GCC to scheme against Ms Bailey. That’s when she accused Stonewall of “trans-extremism”.

“Trans-extremism”, I had to look that word up on Urban Dictionary. It’s not there yet.

What’s even more insane is that Ms Bailey is a full blown Lesbian..or is it Pescatarian or Episcopalian…one of those.

The point is that she likes women and the LBF9*& group is turning against their own people.

You can’t make this up!

Allison Bailey who is a lesbain simply believes that a woman should be defined as an “adult human female”.

Her salary decreased because of these kinds of views against trans people.

Wait until the days when we have robot judges and robot cops. I don’t think they are capable of being transphobic unless someone programs the software to act transphobic.

Or how about the octopus that predicts who will win the world cup. I don’t think that octopus is biased. We should have an octopus as part of the jury from now on. They seem to know what they are doing.

This has never been the case ever in the history of court cases. Imagine if Charles Bronson or OJ

Simpson said, “I don’t feel like I’m in my safe space. Please don’t assume my gender.”

If you get in trouble and you are on trial, just say that you woke up that day and DECIDED that you wanna change your pronouns. So when the plaintiff is questioning you, just say you feel offended that they are not calling you by the desired pronouns. This will effectively reduce his lawyer’s income dramatically. Then when the case is over, change your pronouns back.

The real Impossible:

Doug Trench, a lawyer in London says he will now encourage all his defendants to identify as both male and female cartoon characters.

He stated, “If I am ever losing a case, I can always use the trans-extremism card to win the case.

It’s not a bad plan b to have. I recommend it.”

Doug Trench also started teaching Trans-extremism 101 at Oxford. He wants every lawyer to use it in court. You can also access his course on Youtube Premium. It’s only a matter of time that it’s not going to be YOUtube any more, but THEY/THEM tube or IT tube.

If singer Demi Lovato can go from “she” to “they/them”, then back to “she”, then so can you.

This is what Allison Bailey will do from now on in her professional career.

If they ask her, what do you identify as, she will say “All of them. I am all the things about being human.”

How Aldi is able to afford a second pay rise to 26,000 workers?

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How Aldi is able to afford a second pay rise to 26,000 workers?

Aldi is a German company who initially began life as a corner store. Fast forward to today, Aldi is the UK’s 5th largest supermarket with more than 900 stores across Britain.

ALDI will start to pay their workers £10.50 an hour nationally and £11.95 within the M25 from September this year.

Aldi’s minimum wage rate is currently £10.10 outside London, and £11.55 within the M25.

Aldi CEO Giles Hurley, stated that the new pay raise will be the “UK’s highest paying supermarket.”

It is estimated that Aldi will essentially give a sum total of £43million to all their workers in terms of pay rises as well as £830 to each store worker annually in paid breaks.

It is also reported that 1,000 new logistic jobs will be created this year.

Aldi isn’t the only supermarket increasing their wages this year.

A few fun facts about Aldi.

Aldi doesn’t accept coupons. It’s so that cashiers can keep the lines moving instead of wasting time clipping and scanning coupons.

The only way to use a Trolley at Aldi is by paying a deposit which is by inserting a ruler in the mounted coin slot which unlocks the trolley. This prevents thefts and encourages people to return the trolley.

This is one of the reasons why Aldi workers are getting a pay rise.

Due to the pandemic and inflation rates, there has been an upsurge of gamblers trying to get control of their lives.

They have been gambling in the strangest ways.

The way they do it is they insert the ruler in the trolley and the person has to pick a certain amount of items, go to check out, bag everything themselves, and return the trolley in a given amount of time.

If they meet the time, they win and get their quarter back plus 100 dollars, if not, they have to pay a hefty sum of cash up to 5 thousand dollars depending on their time.

This is why the CEO said we will be giving that “lost money” to our employees.

Who doesn’t love a pay raise right? But not in this particular way.

Aldi employee, Mr Walshe, 39, decided to open up his own Aldi store and is now a proud franchise owner.

Aldi supervisor, Peter Grimes decided to buy a tiger.

Another employee by the name of Doug Trench decided to buy a boat and a tiger.

Who knows what will happen if they continue to increase their wages.

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