Why has Coke Zero gone up when the government’s sugar tax only applies to high-added sugar drinks?
Good question!
In 1927, British astronomer and physicist Sir Arthur Eddington, coined the phrase ‘The arrow of time.’ What he was describing was the immutable flow of time, out of the past, and into the future. He explained that time has a direction – forwards – and that that direction is irreversible. For example, an egg’s shell can be broken, but not unbroken. You cannot go back into the past to unbreak a broken egg.
Coke Zero with no sugar
Now consider the prices we pay for things in the shops. Take, for example, a 330ml can of Coke Zero. When I was a kid, a can of Coke cost 25p. TWENTY-FIVE PENNIES. Today, in Waitrose, the same can will cost you £1.30.
Therein lies the connection between time and money (prices). Prices, like time, only go in one direction, and just as with time, the direction is seemingly irreversible. One cannot go back into the past and pay 25p for a can of Coke Zero, R Whites Lemonade, or Lilt for that matter.
Why is this? Why do prices always go up and never come down again? There’s a word that politicians and business people give this phenomenon… inflation. Inflation is what happens to a balloon when you blow air into it, or what happens to a man’s penis when he takes a Viagra tablet.
What goes up, must go up
Economists will tell you there are a number of causes of inflation – ‘market power’ (businesses charging as much for their products as they think they can get away with), ‘demand pull’ (more people competing for the same goods pushing up prices), ‘asset market boom’ (city boys and brokers dicking around with commodities futures, manipulating prices), and ‘supply shock’ (unpredictable disruption to supply chains such as war, weather, etc.)
It may indeed be the case that there are natural and inevitable causes of inflation leading to perpetual increases in prices. And just as the arrow of time travels in only one direction, it seems that inflation too always travels along that one, pre-determined trajectory…
Ed Sheeran’s music teacher misses out on new year’s honour
Suffolk’s own immigrant folk singer Ed Sheeran’s old music teacher.has narrowly missed-out on an award in King Charles III’s first New Year’s Honours list.
Music teacher Robin Handy, who taught the popular singer at Bob Mills High School in Framlingham,.had been rumoured to be in line to receive the British Empire Medal (BEM) for services to education but,.has instead, been arrested and removed to the Tower of London.on a charge of high crimes and misdemeanors in respect of the significant role he played in Sheeran’s musical output.
Derivative commercial drivel
King Charles is said to be not that bothered about Sheeran’s music including hits,. ‘Shape of You’, ‘Perfect’, and ‘Castle on the Hill’, either way, but Queen Consort Camilla is said to be very much in the ‘against’ camp. This, despite the fact that Camilla’s band,.The Pussycat Dolls comeback record ‘Don’t cha wish your companions were rich like mine?’.was produced and mixed by none other than Sheeran himself. According to one of her close companions, fellow Pussycat Doll, Fiona, Marchioness of Lansdowne,.bitter Camilla thinks Ed’s music is garbage. The Marchioness told us “She thinks his stuff is derivative commercial drivel, recycled in most part from superior artiste’s pre-existing work. ‘Shite’ is the word she used. And she wasn’t happy with Ed’s production of ‘Don’t Cha’ either. She thought her vocals were too low in the mix.”
Keep Britain Tidy
Handy the “Music teacher” is not the only entertainment professional to have fallen foul of jealous Camilla’s new year’s honours list cull. British editorial and celebrity fashion stylist, Barry Lambert, best known for his work styling musician Harry Styles, has allegedly been handed a two-month community service order to pick up litter from around Buckingham Palace as punishment for his part in what Camilla calls “Styles’ laughable ‘fake’ fashion.”
Just gutter get right outta here
Fortunately for him, Queen guitarist, songwriter and animal welfare campaigner Brian May.who famously played ‘God Save The Queen’ on the roof of Buckingham Palace during the Golden Jubilee, avoided Camilla’s cull and has been appointed a Knight Bachelor. Asked about Camilla’s true opinion of May, Marchioness Fiona told us “She hates him. She only allowed the gong on the understanding that he returns to the roof of the palace to dig out the wet leaves from the guttering.”
An enterprising newsagent is selling greetings cards catering to the local inbred community of Stowmarket, Suffolk.
Graham Patel, owner of GP Newsagent’s on Station Road, realized there might be a gap in the market for the products after noticing that many of his customers looked the same. “I thought I was going mad y’know?” said Patel as he refilled the refrigerator with Mars Milk drinks. “Every time my bell dinged, I looked up and there they was again. The same person. At least that is what I thought. Turns out they was different people but virtually all related through centuries of inter-breeding. Cor…what a relief. I thought I was going gaga innit!”
It was after one of Graham’s customers asked for a greeting card with a particular message, that he realized he might be able to create the new range of ‘inbred’ greetings cards.
Mother was father’s sister
“So this lady comes in the shop, she was a bit goggle-eyed, like. There’s four or five that come in that look just like her. I wasn’t sure which one she was. Anyway, she asks me ‘have you got a birthday card for an uncle dad?’ Uncle dad? Is that a thing? I asked her. ‘Yeah’ she said ‘It’s my uncle dad’s birthday tomorrow.’ Oh, I said. And then I told her that we didn’t have any cards specifically for uncle dads but suggested that maybe she could buy two cards and stick them together. Which is what she did.”
Newsagent’s Greeting card
Patel told us how over the next few days he asked his goggle-eyed customers about their families to find out what kind of cards might sell well. Once he had a basic grasp of local inbred genealogy, he started to design cards especially for his inbred customers. He showed us a selection…
Lovely sentiment
“The first one was obviously ‘Happy Birthday Uncle Dad! Love ______ and Aunty Mum’ I left a blank there so the customer can just fill out their own name. Then there is ‘A girlfriend is a sister you choose’ – that one has a lovely sentiment. But my favourite is ‘Dear Grandad, you are the best Dad in the world!’ I like that one because it is respectful of the older generation, innit!”
A full selection of inbred greetings cards is available at GP Newsagent’s, Station Road, Stowmarket.
There’s a lot to like about Suffolk in East Anglia. Not only does it have plenty of delightful spots to wander around and soak up the scenery, as well as spades of rich history, but it is also a hotspot for gambling. With a good number of ways to bet, Suffolk is the perfect destination for a gambling trip, and we outline all the best places to do this below.
The Best Casinos in Suffolk
While thegambling laws in the United Kingdom are among some of the most relaxed in the world, Suffolk itself doesn’t have a land-based casino.
However, there is a casino just a stone’s throw away in Great Yarmouth that can easily be accessed. The Grosvenor Casino Great Yarmouth is one of 55 around the United Kingdom and boasts 200 slot machines, as well as poker, blackjack and roulette tables. The casino can be found on Marine Parade, within the Shadingfield Lodge.
Where to Play Poker in Suffolk
Casinos may be few and far between in Suffolk, however, the poker scene is still alive and well. This is thanks to the English tradition of playing poker more in pubs than in casinos. This is not to say that there aren’t casinos in the United Kingdom which do host poker games—for these, you canread more at CasinoHawks here, where a wide range of the best casino sites in the UK is available. This means that you are not only limited to poker games but every imaginable casino game that can come up with.
In Suffolk, however, the best poker playing spot is the Ipswich Pub Poker League. This poker venue has been operating for years, and will regularly have prize money as high as £10,000. Stakes vary, and while there certainly are some opportunities to play small stake games, there are also surprisingly high-stake games available for a location such as Suffolk. If you’re just starting in poker, this might be a bit of a baptism by fire.
Best Gambling Locations in Suffolk
The Best Place to Bet on Horses in Suffolk
Two things are true about Suffolk residents—they enjoy a good laugh, and they like betting on horses.
In true English style, there are plenty of ways to bet on horse races in Suffolk. In fact, it’s been going on for well over 350 years in the county, ever since King Charles visited in 1666 and commissioned a three-mile, six-furlong course. Now, races run here can be bet on live at the race course, or online, through any number of different sports betting apps.
How to Bet on Sports in Suffolk
Speaking of sports betting, this is another great gambling pastime in Suffolk.
All that’s needed is to walk the streets of Suffolk, and it will soon become apparent that there are plenty of different opportunities to bet on sports. Like most of the rest of the United Kingdom, small sports betting shops abound in the local towns, where bets can be placed in person. If this is a little too old-fashioned for your liking, then bets can always be placed online.
While you’re in Suffolk, however, there’s nothing better than catching an Ipswich Town FC match at Portman Road stadium and placing a bet on the home side live at the grounds.
German logistics company, DHL has added a new premium two-wheeled express mail service to its offering.
Following demands by customers in the UK, the German company, headquartered in Bonn, Germany agreed to introduce the service, which it hopes will improve delivery times to hard-to-reach, rural locations.
Britain, which has the road network of a medieval, third-world country, is famous for not being the country it used to be. It is somewhat humiliating for a nation that led the industrial revolution and brought into existence many of history’s most important technologies and engineering innovations, to have to rely on German white van men to get Deidre Smith’s pastry cutters delivered to her in the small Suffolk village of Little Wratting on the A143 near Haverhill in a timely fashion – or indeed at all.
Hermann Gö-ring road
The potholes on Britain’s roads would have made the German Luftwaffe bomber pilots proud. Driving around Suffolk, or indeed any part of modern Britain is like driving on the surface of the moon, only with greater gravitational force on your shock absorbers. British moles no longer have to dig their own holes, motorists do it for them. One would have thought that British engineers (are there still such things?) working with town planners and Highways England, could come up with a material more robust and fit for purpose than the blancmange they seem to be using to fill the endless holes pockmarking the nation’s dilapidated roads.
DHL introduces two-wheeled delivery service
Gravel is advised
To successfully travel the disreputable roads of the UK, British motorists must now attain qualifications in advanced driving, tightrope walking, and abseiling and that’s just to get to the end of the road. If a country lane must be navigated, the packing of four spare tyres, a hydraulic jack or winch, and an industrial bag of gravel is advised before leaving home.
The new DHL express mail service
To its credit, DHL is offering training in two-wheeled driving on weekends and evenings to help the pathetic people of the UK solve this problem of their own making.
CEO of Deutsche Post DHL Group, Frank Appel, spoke to the SUFFOLK GAZETTE from his office in Bonn, Germany. He told this reporter “You are velcome. Vorsprung durch Technik. Ve still carnt belief sat you beat us in ze secont vorld vor.”
After British teenagers New Year’s eve celebrations, a top NHS neurologist has warned that the misuse of laughing gas – party drug, nitrous oxide can lead to serious health problems and even death… but who cares… let’s PARTAY!
No. Seriously, nitrous oxide, commonly known as laughing gas, is a colourless gas that is used as an anaesthetic in hospitals, but only when mixed with 50% oxygen in a supervised environment. Sold in canisters which are later seen discarded in parks, playgrounds, and on street corners, it has become the party drug of choice for feckless teenagers looking for something less boring to do than hang around in parks, playgrounds, and on street corners (?)
Frozen teeth
Nitrous oxide, is second only to cannabis as the most commonly misused substance among young people in England. The ‘fun but dangerous’ drug, nicknamed: Balloons, Chargers, Hippie Crack, Noz, or Whippits is usually inhaled using a balloon, as inhaling directly from the canister can result in frozen lips, tongues or teeth.
Laughing gas disadvantages
Dr Govinda Pickles, clinical lead for neurology at Norfolk and Suffolk NHS Trust said misuse of the gas is the most common cause of emergency admissions to her neurology ward. “People come into hospital off their tits, walking like spazzes, and complaining of pins and needles in their hands and feet. Their speech is slurred and occasionally they are having fits or seizures. Admittedly, it’s funny for the staff to see them like that, but it can’t be that funny for them or their relatives.”
Jelly foot and hedgehog hand
Tammy Griffiths, unemployed
We spoke to a former Hippie Crack addict on condition that we protected her identity. Eighteen-year-old Tammy Griffiths, unemployed from Ravenswood in Ipswich told us what it is like to be high on balloons… “Well, when oi did it oi felt giggly, relaxed, stupid, scared, anxious, euphoric, and paranoid. It was a mix of emotions. There were usually sound distortions and oi felt dizzy, I had jelly foot and hedgehog hand, and sometimes oi puked. It was great. Awful, but great.” We asked her if she got a headache afterwards? “Yes, and sometimes my eyes went boss and didn’t correct themselves for 12 hours.”
So there you have it, kids. If you are thinking of having a laugh out with your mates tonight… DON’T! (Just smoke cannabis instead)
A disgruntled former Morrisons shop assistant has been fired for telling customers that only morons shop at Morrisons.
Marjorie Badger (62) had worked in East Suffolk’s, Beccles branch for what felt like a thousand years when she was summarily dismissed for pointing out to customers that products they had chosen could be bought cheaper elsewhere. To the annoyance of managers at the store, Marjorie would sometimes walk around the store, tapping customers on the shoulder before whispering to them in which shops they could get a better deal.
Aunt Bessie’s Jam Roly Poly (Morrisons £2.29 / ASDA £2.00)
We spoke to Mrs Badger as we sat in her car sharing 6 ASDA Pork Sausage Rolls – £1.85 (Morrisons 6 Fresh Bake Pork Sausage Rolls – £2.39). Badger was teary-eyed as she spoke to this reporter “Oi don’t know wart oi did wrarng. Sob. Arl oi dun was tell the truth.” Said roly-poly Badger. She went on “Oim a Christian with cats, and arl oi was doin’ was troiyin to ‘elp people save a few pennies y’know?”
Badger dribbled pastry crumbs mixed with saliva as she recounted the moment she was frogmarched from the store on the day of her sacking. “We were runnin’ a promotion about some frozen goods.
Cheps ‘n’ potato warfles ‘n’ things loike that. Oi knew that ASDA was sellin’ the same or similar products for less. So wart oi dun was oi cloimbed inside the freezer, laid down an’ pulled the sliding door shut over moi face. It was loike an oicy carfin. You know… a carfin… wart people are buried in.
So anyways, Oi wait a bit an’ then this old lady comes an’ sloides open the carfin lid. Quick as a flash, oi sits bolt upright and shouts ‘Don’t be a moron! You can get these cheaper at ASDA!’ Well, the old dear, bless ‘er – she gart the froight of ‘er loife. Her hat farls off and ‘er body goes into spasms and then she hits the deck. It were pandemonium, then. People were screamin’ and then the manager came and they dragged me out of the freezer. ‘N’ that were that.”
‘Morrisons Makes It’ (more expensive)
We wanted to check Badger’s claim that only morons shop at Morrisons so we did a quick price comparison with an anonymous rival supermarket – ASDA. Here’s what we found…
Morrisons and Asda price comparison
So there we have it. Badger is correct, only morons shop at Morrisons!
THE SUFFOLK GAZETTE WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY THAT THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR ASDA. HOWEVER, IF THIS ARTICLE DOES COME TO THE ATTENTION OF ASDA HEAD OFFICE, FREE GIFTS OF WINE, CHEESE, AND TWIGLETS WILL NOT BE REFUSED.
You should not be paying more than you need for electricity usage. Using electricity comes at a price, and understanding the average consumption and electricity usage in a day, will show you whether your usage is on par, or way more expensive than for others.
Energy Consumption in the United Kingdom
The average energy consumption in the U.K. is 3,700 kilowatt hours per person per year (kwh/p/a). This includes all primary energy sources from which electricity is generated.
The average household consumes 9,200 kwh/household/a, which includes heating and hot water production (domestic appliances), lighting and refrigeration (domestic appliances) as well as cooking processes such as boiling water or frying food using a hob or oven.
This is more than the EU average of 9,600 kWh per household and less than Denmark’s 13,300 kWh per household.
The average energy consumption in the UK is a little bit higher than in other European countries.
Factors That Influence Your Bill
Electricity is the biggest source of fuel for the average UK household, and electric heating produces around 40% more carbon emissions than gas heating.
Fuel prices fluctuate regularly affecting the total on your utility bill. In addition, your electricity usage monthly may be higher or lower depending on your household demands, and not being on a fixed rate with your energy supplier means further variations.
The factors that affect the cost of consumption will depend on:
the amount of people in your household;
whether you are using a combination of electricity and gas, as opposed to just electricity;
your energy supplier’s rates;
your location and the demands of the surrounding area;
the terms of your contract, with fixed or variable rates; and
your household demands, for example using heating appliances etc.
Energy Consumption
The unit rates charged by your energy supplier will fluctuate according to regions, depending on payment method, standing charges and meter type.
This means changes to your bill monthly. The average gas and electricity use however is set out for different household sizes.
Average consumption for electricity and gas
For a household with 1-2 people, the average monthly cost is £142.69, making your daily cost £4.75.
For a household with 2-3 people, the average monthly cost is £208.32 making your daily cost £6.94.
For a household with 4-5 people, the average monthly cost is £291.08, making your daily cost £9.70.
Average consumption for electricity only
For a household with 1-2 people, the average monthly cost is £65.16, making your daily cost £2.17.
For a household with 2-3 people, the average monthly cost is £96.36 making your daily cost £3.21.
For a household with 4-5 people, the average monthly cost is £136.07, making your daily cost £4.53.
Average consumption for gas only
For a household with 1-2 people, the average monthly cost is £77.53, making your daily cost £2.58.
For a household with 2-3 people, the average monthly cost is £111.97 making your daily cost £3.73.
For a household with 4-5 people, the average monthly cost is £155.01, making your daily cost £5.16.
How Does Electric Heating Compare To Gas Heating?
You may have heard that electric heating is more efficient than gas heating, and you’d be right!
Electric heating produces fewer greenhouse gas emissions per unit of energy than gas.
Another plus? Electric heating is cheaper to install than gas.
However, before you ditch your boiler in favour of an electric heater (and make the switch from instantaneous to storage water heaters), keep in mind that the upfront cost for installing an electric storage hot water system can be quite high.
If you’re thinking about replacing your current boiler with one that uses electricity instead of gas, consider having a professional come out to evaluate how much power will be required and how much it would cost for installation.
The initial investment could save you money over time as well as deliver great results when it comes to reducing CO2 emissions!
Conclusion
In conclusion, the average energy consumption in the UK daily is very high. There are many factors that contribute to this, including technology and lifestyle choices.
The good news is that by making small changes in our everyday lives we can cut down on our energy usage and help save our planet from climate change!
