Saturday, July 13, 2024

Celebrations: the OFFICIAL ranking every home will agree with

Official Suffolk Gazette Celebrations ranking

The Suffolk Gazette today reveals the official ranking of Celebrations selection box favourites. Readers will not be in the least surprised that the hideous Bounty is last. But do you agree with the rest of the list, compiled by our Professor of Food Studies, Dr Lorraine Fisher, 34?

Here are the now official rankings for Celebrations, which have become a British institution since launching in 1997.

8 Bounty

The Bounty has always had a rough ride. Not many like coconut for a start. The film Mutiny on the Bounty wasn’t named after the disgusting chocolate bar for nothing. Every Christmas, your tub of Celebrations will be consumed in moments – apart from seven Bounty sweets rattling around at the bottom.

7 Milky Way

The Milky Way is the poor man’s chocolate bar. Marketed as a snack that is “milky and chocolatey and wouldn’t fill you up’ – mostly because you could hardly bear to finish it. It would end up on the bottom of the Celebrations ranking if it wasn’t for the repellent Bounty.

6 Mars

A Mars a day might help you work, rest and play, but it just doesn’t cut it in bite-size. When you have a whole bar, a big mouthful tastes lovely, but it somehow loses all flavour when you get a tiny morsel in a wrapper. It was always claimed that F1 commentator Murray Walker came up with the ad slogan, but we’re sorry to report this sweet is way down the grid.

5 Maltesers

In a respectable mid-table position is the Malteser, mainly because it is just like having a normal Malteser. Every other sweet has been shrunk, but this one works and most people are content with the “lighter way to enjoy chocolate”, which is a bit of an admission you’re not getting much bang for your buck if you ask me.

4 Snickers

Where Mars doesn’t work in minimalist form, Snickers does. Perhaps it’s the peanut taste coming through. The marketing says “You’re not you when you’re hungry”. which might explain why the Snickers sweets go pretty fast from the Celebrations tub. I still can’t get over the fact they changed the name from Marathon, after long-serving company secretary Norma Snickers.

3 Galaxy

Into the top three with Galaxy. It’s a milky chunk of chocolate, so what’s not to like? We were told to “Think chocolate. Think Galaxy” and Britons are inclined to agree. Granny and Granddad will most likely reach for these because they are not chewy and do not have foreign muck in – like coconut.

2 Caramel Galaxy

What is better than Galaxy? Galaxy with caramel, that’s what. This delicious sweet oozes a soft centre and, quite frankly, I’m drooling now. I do prefer Cadbury Caramel, however, if only for the sexy TV ad rabbit and its gorgeous little beaver.

1 Twix

All hail the Celebrations ranking winner. Twix has always been by far the best chocolate bar since first hitting the shelves in 1967. It crosses over brilliantly into miniature collection box form, with its biscuity base and caramel top, covered in chocolate. “Chew it over with a Twix”, the ad men tell us, and that’s what all right-minded people do when they pile into the Celebrations box.

So there we have it. You may not agree with the official Celebrations ranking, but I don’t care. Click on the social buttons and share this article on Facebook or Twitter to tell the world why we are right or wrong.

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