A Suffolk windsurfer narrowly escaped death yesterday after he was attacked by a great white shark off the coast of Thorpeness.
Brian Squirrel (32), a part-time marine biologist and keen surfer,.couldn’t believe his luck – good and bad.– when the fearsome king of the sea emerged from the waves less than 100m away from him.
Unlike normal people who would immediately turn a swim for their lives,.barmy Brian decided to try to capture the shot of his life on his GoPro Hero 8 Aquacam bought for him on his last birthday by his boyfriend, Ian.
The Great White shark – immortalized in the 1975 blockbuster movie, Jaws, is easily the most mimicked fish of all time. With its iconic dorsal fin unconvincingly portrayed with a flat hand projected outwards from the nape of one’s neck,.the menacing mock pursuit of an unsuspecting Californian bather can be playfully reenacted whilst simultaneously repeating the ‘dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun’ marcato cello hits synonymous with the movie’s ominous theme tune.
Throng and thongs
As the semiaquatic drama unfolded, terrified onlookers watched from the shore,.gasping, pointing, and covering their mouths as Brian turned his sailboard towards the giant man-woman-and-child-eating Mackerel.
Sensing Brian’s audacious move, the oversized fish re-submerged. Back on the beach, much breath was held by the throng of beachcombers,.bathers, and nudists watching the enthralling man V shark encounter developing before them.
Moments seemed like minutes as the invisible water-predator cunningly concealed itself.betwixt the salt, seaweed, and sludge of the rubbish-filled North Sea. Finally, the unbearable tension of the stand-off was broken when the killer fish’s dorsal fin re-emerged at speed, metres from Brian’s wobbling sailboard.
As the deadly chondrichthyan’s conical snout rose from the bubbling wake,.revealing jagged rows of vicious, serrated teeth inside a gaping cavernous mouth, the utterly unexpected and implausible happened.
Identified Flying Object
From out of nowhere arrived Ed Sheeran, captaining his £30 million flying saucer. Whooshing out of the sky at break-neck speed, and with multicoloured lights flashing around.the circumference of his craft, he gave a quick thumbs-up to the cheering crowd gathered below.
After a quick loop-the-loop, he maneuvered his I.F.O. back out to sea and,.with pinpoint precision, fired two laser beams straight into the killer shark causing it to explode into a million pieces. Hero Sheeran did a quick victory pass before heading back to his studio to finish recording the vocals to his next big chart hit.
A relieved Squirrel was assisted to the beach by members of the crowd but unfortunately,.his boyfriend had forgotten to buy batteries for his GoPro, so no footage of the event was captured.
NOTICE: No Sharks were harmed during the writing of this story.