Tuesday, June 25, 2024

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British want the blood of the Irish

British want the blood of the Irish

NHS urged Irish people living in Britain to donate blood.

By Phil Ward, Health Correspondent

’Irish blood, English heart, this I’m made of.’ So sang pop singer, Morrissey in his 2004 song of similar name. Now, after a plea by the NHS for more Irish blood donors, all Brits may soon be singing from the same hymn sheet.

As well as having a slightly greenish hue, Irish blood is a greater source of O+ , B+ and A- blood types than British blood as a whole. In order to reach as many potential Irish donors as possible, the NHS states on it’s website, in traditional Gaelic, “Nigh listen ‘ear al’ yer Oirish livin’ here on de Sasanach mainlan’. We oirgently nade yisser blud ter save de loives av Sasanach people, to be sure. If yer visit yisser local ‘ospital at de earliest opportunity an’ troi not ter pop into de battle cruiser on de way, dad’t be grand. Tanks-a-million, NHS Britain.”

Guinness not particularly high in iron

Despite some concerns that the whiskey content of Irish blood might make it unusable or dangerous to the generally less inebriated people of mainland Britain, the NHS is prepared to take the risk. Others say that the equally high content of Guinness in Irish blood, with its 0.3mg of iron per pint, makes it even more desirable.

To find out more, we spoke to a patient who had recently received a transfusion of Irish blood at West Suffolk Hospital after slicing off her finger opening a tin of Chicken KiteKat cat food (100g £0.85 appyshop.co.uk/). Through gritted teeth, bleary-eyed Englishwoman, Janice Belfield told the SUFFOLK GAZETTE, “OoooW! It bloody hurts, hic! Was I skeptical about having, hic! Irish blood? Hmmm. Well, you listen to me, hic! We’ve all heard the jokes and, hic! It does make you wonder if it’s going to affect your intelligence OKAY, but they are just jokes, right? Hic!”

Waiting in vein

Mrs Bellfield, who had had to wait twelve hours for her transfusion, seemed a little worse for wear after her experience, stumbling around and singing rebel freedom songs. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the shock of her injury or the alcohol content of the blood transfusion, so I asked her if she was feeling OK. “Feck off! In Tyrone, Armagh, an’ Derry, Fermanagh an’ from down, de norn gale is risin’ ter brin’ down de crown, hic! Once more de auld war cry, an’ de blud runnin’ hoi, we’ll scrap ter free Oirlan’, for today we may doi, hic! De day av de slaver ‘ill no longer be, if Gaels stan’ unoited, they’ll alwus be free! Oirlan’ unoited, Gaelic an’ free, lan’ av me birth, in freedom we’ll be!

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