Friday, March 1, 2024

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‘Gay farmworkers’ willies warmer than pigs in blankets

'Gay farmworkers’ willies warmer than pigs in blankets

RAINBOW FARM, SUFFOLK – The Suffolk LGBTQI+ Society of Farmworkers (TSLGBTQI+SOF) has embarked on a mission to keep its members toasty on chilly days spent tossing root vegetables in the fields.

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

Recognizing the diverse identities and sexual orientations within its ranks, the society has unveiled a novel solution to the perennial problem of ‘cold cock’ with the distribution of free pig-themed knitted willie warmers.

Shrivelled chipolatas

With an estimated 6,000 Suffolk farmworkers identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or questioning, and intersex, the society aims to ensure that everyone, regardless of gender identity or expression, can enjoy snug comfort during the bollock-freezing months. The addition of the pig-themed design adds a touch of farmyard chic to these unique accessories.

As temperatures in the UK rarely rise above 8 degrees, the practicality of these knitted wonders is not lost on those who identify as ‘farmers with cocks’. Along with a few polygamous scarecrows, those workers who love banging on about their sexuality all the time, are sure to appreciate the snug knitwear as it will give them another excuse to fixate on each other’s balls.

Pork Sword

The pig-themed willie warmers have become a coveted accessory among the diverse farming community, so much so that several garments have found their way onto eBay selling for up to £80 per gonad.

Community leaders hope that the quirky self-indulgent rainbow initiative will not only ensure the well-being of its LGBTQI+ members, but also foster a sense of completely unnecessary inclusivity and camaraderie across the rainbow farms of Suffolk.

As chilly winds continue to sweep across the countryside, Suffolk’s LGBTQI+ farm workers can confidently face the elements with their man (or woman) hood wrapped up warmer than pigs in blankets.

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