Saturday, July 13, 2024

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Too much coffee makes you miserable, say flat white Brits

Too much coffee makes you miserable, say flat white Brits

Too much coffee has become the drug that alleviates the pain of living in modern British society.

By Colin Allcabs, Consumer Editor

In a nation fueled not by the stiff-upper-lip resilience of yesteryear but rather by the ceaseless hum of espresso machines.

From the humble labourer clutching a takeaway cup at the suburban petrol station to the metropolitan. Elite sipping artisanal blends in Soho cafes. The ubiquitous nature of posh coffees suggests that, indeed, the sun never sets on the empire of caffeine.

Brits cant handle too much coffee

Gone are the days when Brits started their mornings with the comforting. Embrace of a piping-hot cup of tea or, at worst, a lukewarm mug of Mellow-Birds instant coffee, with the flavour of a muddy puddle. Today, the nation’s caffeine cravings can’t be satisfied with anything less than a well-pulled shot of espresso or the velvety smoothness of a meticulously crafted flat white.

Falter or filter

However, as the aroma of freshly ground beans wafts through the air, permeating every street corner and office space. It appears that even the most enchanting coffee brews are powerless against the myriad challenges faced by Britons in 2024. The never-ending cost-of-living crisis, the cacophony of global turmoil from Gaza to Brexit fallout. The laundry list of domestic woes seem impervious to the enchanting powers of a Piccolo Latte or a Long Macchiato adorned of course, with chocolate sprinkles.


In a world swirling with issues both great and small, it seems that no amount of caffeine can jolt the collective national spirit into perpetual elation. The endangered Javan Rhinoceros, rail strikes, transgender debates, and institutional woes at the BBC stand as formidable adversaries in the battle to turn Brits’ frowns upside down.

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