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Child crushed at natural history museum ‘got what he deserved’

Child crushed at natural history museum ‘got what he deserved’

A child was crushed at the museum after he threw M&M at a giant 163 million old Dinosaur’s skeleton.

The phrase ‘It went out with the dinosaurs’ is often heard said in progressive circles in reference to outmoded, out-of-date ideas or concepts. In Suffolk, there is a different phrase: ‘It’s coming in with the dinosaurs.’

This was proved literally true, last Tuesday when the skeleton of a 163 million-year-old Cetiosauriscus (see-tee-oh-SORE-is-kuss) or ‘whale lizard’ escaped from the natural history museum on the back of a Victorian coal truck. Yes, we know this sounds unbelievable, but it is 100% true. Honestly! (ahem!)

Child’s nuts crushed

According to eyewitnesses present in the museum at the time of the escape, the Cetiosauriscus, nicknamed ‘Couch Potato’ by staff (‘settee o’ sore arse ‘cos’) awoke from its trans-epoch slumber after a small child threw a peanut m&m at him. It seems the feral child’s delinquency was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Visitors to the museum fled in terror as the 15m dino broke free of its supports and began to thunder towards the exit. Reports say the child who threw the m&m was crushed underfoot as his mother watched on in horror. Shame.

One shit one’s pants

Having crashed through the exit, sending brickwork and timber hurtling out onto Cromwell Road. Couch Potato ripped a large common lime tree from the pavement,.tore off its canopy with his teeth, and munched on it like a lefty vegan would a floret of organic broccoli.

The origin

Realising that he would need transport to get back to his ancestral Suffolk home,. the fleshless sauropod, last seen roaming the streets of London in the cretaceous period of history,.legged it down the Brompton road, past Harrods (causing Princess Anne to drop the fresh cream cakes.she’d just bought), along Piccadilly (using a couple of red buses as rollerskates).

Then jumped over Buckingham Palace with a deafening roar (to those who couldn’t hear it),.before thundering up The Mall snacking on more trees along the way. After knocking over Nelson’s column and trampling at least seventy;.Italian, Spanish, Japanese, and American tourists on his way through Trafalgar Square.

Poor animal

The homesick Diplodocoidea arrived at the Transport Museum in Covent Garden. Sniffing curiously at the museum’s façade,.Couch (seemingly having found what he was looking for) rose up on his hind legs,.and with a God-almighty crash, brought his comparatively dwarf-like front legs down onto the roof of the museum causing it to collapse in a cloud of shattered wood, brick, and asbestos.

The terror

The screams of women and the shouts of men (there weren’t any transgenders in the museum that day).could be heard from inside the museum as the desperate dinosaur reached in,.grabbed a 19th Century coal truck, and removed it onto the street. Using the vintage, soot-stained jalopy as a skateboard, dippy Couch, set off towards the A13 on his way back home.

Latest reports say that Couch was last seen explaining how the combustion engine works to a couple of farmers outside a pub in Copdock, near Ipswich.

Are you from Suffolk? Have you seen Couch Potato or any other modern phenomena around where you live? Why not have a look out of your window?

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