Thursday, October 6, 2022

The Sweeney: first episode in 42 years leaked to Suffolk Gazette

The Sweeney new episode
DI Regan and DS Carter (Photo: ITV)

The TV script for the first new episode of The Sweeney in 42 years has been obtained by the Suffolk Gazette. Here is a sneak preview of the long-awaited return of this gritty police drama.

TITLE MUSIC

A GRIMY LONDON POLICE STATION

DETECTIVE INSPECTOR JACK REGAN AND DETECTIVE SERGEANT GEORGE CARTER ARE SITTING AT THEIR DESKS

DI Regan: Give us a fag, George.

DS Carter: I’m sorry, guv. We’re not allowed to smoke indoors anymore. And you’d better not let the bosses hear you say ‘fag’ or HR will do you for homophobia.

DI Regan: Shut it.

THE PHONE RINGS

DI Regan: We’ll be right there.

DS Carter: Trouble?

DI Regan: Armed robbery in progress at 34 Lorraine Fisher Road. Fire up the Granada.

DS Carter: I’m afraid the Ford Granada is long gone, guv. We have an electric Toyota Prius now. I hope it has been charged up.

INSIDE A SILENT ELECTRIC CAR SLOWLY TRAVELLING ALONG A LONDON STREET.

DI Regan: Floor it, George.

DS Carter: I am, guv. This is as fast as it goes. And there are speed cameras everywhere. And a bus lane there. And look out for this cycle lane introduced last week by Mayor Khan. And as for all the speed bumps…

DI Regan: Ridiculous. We’re meant to be the Flying Squad.

DS Carter: Didn’t you get the memo, guv? The bosses changed our name to Green Squad. Flying is so bad for the environment these days.

DI Regan: Well at least put the siren on.

DS Carter: Sorry, guv. It breaks noise pollution regulations, and this car doesn’t have enough battery for it anyway.

THE SQUAD CAR PULLS UP SLOWLY OUTSIDE A JEWELLERS. TWO MASKED ROBBERS ARE SEEN BRANDISHING WEAPONS INSIDE. DI REGAN AND DS CARTER BURST IN, AND FORCE THEM TO DROP THE WEAPONS.

DI Regan: We’re The Sweeney, son, and we haven’t had any dinner. You’ve kept us.…

DS Carter: Guv, you can’t speak to suspects in such a harsh tone anymore. You might upset their feelings; breach their human rights.

ONE OF THE ROBBERS IS WEARING TIGHT SHORTS

DI Regan: Get yer trousers on. You’re nicked.

DS Carter: Guv, I believe you have to read him his rights first now. Don’t be so rough with those handcuffs either, or we will be suspended.

BACK AT THE STATION, DI REGAN PULLS A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH FROM HIS DESK DRAWER

DI Regan: Well done, George. A good pull today. Drink?

DS Carter: Not yet, guv. I have got these 18 arrest process forms to fill in first.

CHIEF INSPECTOR FRANK HASKINS ENTERS THE ROOM

CI Haskins: Drinking on duty again, Regan? I’ve warned you before. You are suspended until further notice.

DS Carter: But guv, he was just…

DI Regan: Shut it.

RUN END CREDITS

Shut it and buy a mug

As well as revealing new scripts, we solve your Christmas gift headache. Buy one of our mugs from DirtyOldGoat.com or direct from below…

🤞 Get our stories on email

We don’t spam! Read more in our privacy policy

close

Oh hi there 👋
It’s nice to meet you.

Sign up to receive awesome content, weekly in your inbox.

We don’t spam! Read our Privacy Policy for more info.

Follow us onSocial Media

42,010FansLike
6,446FollowersFollow