Friday, May 24, 2024

Kent & Medway NHS welcomes ‘upwardly mobile’ patients

Kent & Medway NHS welcomes ‘upwardly mobile’ patients

KENT, UK – The NHS’s ‘Kent and Medway Wheelchair Service’ has unveiled its new reception area. Which is strategically located on the building’s first floor.

Patients and their families who arrive with mobility challenges are welcomed by the sight of an external metal staircase. That might as well be Mount Everest for wheelchair users. It’s a bit like offering snorkeling lessons in a desert or sun loungers in Antarctica; the logic is baffling, to say the least.

Kent & Medway NHS Narrative

Hospital spokesperson, Gavin Knackers, explained the decision, saying,.“We thought this unique setup would act as a motivational challenge for our crippled patients. After all, there’s no better way to build up your leg muscles than by tackling a steep. Outdoor staircase before you can access the wheelchair service, is there? That’s assuming you have legs.”

Flight of fancy

Critics argue that this design choice is just a cunning ploy by the Tories to test patients on their fitness to work, or worse still to cut the service altogether. Labour Shadow Health Secretary, whatsername? told me: “It’s like they’re saying to patients, ‘If you can’t make it up this staircase, maybe you don’t need a wheelchair service at all!’ BASTARDS!”

While the NHS is renowned for its free healthcare, the ‘Kent and Medway Wheelchair Service’ has left patients facing an uphill battle, both figuratively and literally, to access services and get their legs sorted – assuming they have legs.

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