Friday, December 2, 2022

Aussies to replace king’s face with Steve Irwin on currency notes

Aussies to replace king's face with Steve Irwin on currency notes
Aussies to replace king’s face with Steve Irwin on currency notes

Few sick Aussies are only trying to get rid of our new hero, King Charlie the third, off of their paper money replacing with Steve Irwin!

Apparently, our King who is known for being a bit soft, a crybaby, and a mummy’s boy who got picked on at school, is just not tough enough to adorn their new, grubby Australian Dollars or whatever they’re called.

Instead, and you won’t believe this, they want to put the gormless face of that flannie-wearing bush-bogan, Steve Irwin on their crappo half-money. Aussie Irwin, who was killed by a fish in Queensland in 2006, was well-known for being a stereotypical khaki-wearing, Aussie outbacker in the style of Crocodile Dundee, Shane Warne, Jason Donavan, and… and… erm… hmmm… Dame Edna Everage.

Steve Irwin went to School in Dubundaland

Steve Irwin, nicknamed “The Crocodile Hunter” due to his ability to hunt down king-sized crocs hiding in rivers and lakes in their natural habitat (where else are they going to be?), was a zookeeper, conservationist, television personality, wildlife expert, and environmentalist.

Even as a kid, he was obsessed with the natural world. While studying at ‘Will-a-will-a-bong secondary school’ in Dubundaland, Australia, he was asked by a teacher what he wanted to be when he grew up, Irwin replied “a zookeeper, conservationist, television personality, wildlife expert, and environmentalist…and croc hunter. And I want to be on the Australian $20 note.”

Better the Dad You Know

The decision on who appears on the new Australian currency in place of QE2 will ultimately be made by celebrity Sheila, Kylie Minogue, whose dad works at the Reserve Bank of Sydney.

The Bank of Kylie’s Dad has confirmed that regardless of the Furphy concerning Irwin doing the rounds, our heroic King Charles III is expected to feature on a new $5 note.

‘The reigning monarch has traditionally appeared on the lowest denomination of Australian banknote.’ the BKD said.

But that’s just sh*t isn’t it? $5 note? Lowest denomination? It’s insulting.

Further updates on currency changes including the Irwin Bill are to be announced.

Futuristic Money Tokens

The Australian coins of the future are likely to feature the head of King Charles III facing the opposite way to his late mother’s, or possibly even upside down.

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