Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Tory rat leaves sinking ship

Tory rat leaves sinking ship

LONDON, UK – Suella Braverman got what she wanted today when she was unceremoniously sacked by the Prime Minister for having bigger balls than he has.

Braverman, who had served as Home Secretary for just over a year, upset her boss, Rishi Sunak last week when she called out the Metropolitan Police for being pussies who are too scared to take on extremists marching through their own backyard on the most sacred day of the British Calendar.

In an interview in the Times newspaper last week that Sunak begged her not to give, Braverman correctly predicted that when confronted with 300,000 anti-Israeli protestors on Armistice Day, the Met would adopt the strategy known as ‘two-tier policing’ which essentially allows them to only nick people who fit a particular racial profile, while allowing anyone who doesn’t to break the law with impunity.

Rat in mi kitchen

However, According to people close to the Braverman camp, Suella – who is married to someone who fits the profile – is over the moon at being invited to leave the sinking Tory ship.

Freed from the constraints and restrictions of a front bench role, Braverman is said to be not only looking forward to enjoying more home baking, but also bolstering her credentials ahead of the leadership election which is likely to take place next year, shortly after the Tories lose the next election, or possibly even sooner if her allies on the right wing of her party succeed in ousting the current PM as they are surely soon to try to do.

Braverman, who has for once decided to keep her gob firmly shut, has vowed to speak on Wednesday after the Supreme Court finally skewers her flailing ‘Rwanda’ policy – aka the policy that put the rat amongst the pussies.

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